Under Arrest
by bonov
Summary: Bella's alone, but she likes it that way. She's forced into a new department in a new city with a new Captain, and suddenly it's becoming harder and harder for her to keep to herself. Especially when an annoying ass detective won't leave her alone. AH/OOC
1. Prologue

Prologue

I was in a hole. A very deep, very dark hole. It wasn't particularly uncomfortable in the hole. Sometimes it was hard to breathe, but that feeling would go away eventually. There was just enough light peeking in to let me know what time of day it was. Nights were the hardest. It was cold and bleak and I'd usually find my muscles stiff and sore from curling up into myself, trying desperately to hold everything together and keep myself warm.

But I was alone in the hole. That was worst, and best, part.

Trust me, I had tried to get out of the hole. I had climbed and climbed until my arms felt like they were going to fall off. I had even reached the top once. But I found myself completely blinded by the bright sunlight I had hidden from for so long. The sounds of life deafened me to the point where I couldn't hear myself think. The wind and sunlight were too harsh on my skin. Everything was overwhelming. It was too, too much.

So I decided to let go and fall back into the hole.

It wasn't comfortable, but it was _comforting_. It was my home. I was free to cry and sob and just _be_. I didn't have to plaster a smile on my face for the comfort of others. I didn't have to laugh and pretend to find all of Jake's lame jokes funny. It was quiet and peaceful and there was something so wonderfully numbing about the feeling. I didn't have to feel anything; I could just stay there and not think. It was perfect. For me.

Every now and then someone would come along and look down into my…is fortress of solitude too nerdy? I don't care. That's what it was. They'd have a peek and check on me, ask me how I was doing. I usually wouldn't answer and they'd eventually forget about me and keep walking.

There were a couple of people that tried to get me out. They'd throw down a ladder or a rope and try to get me to climb up. Sometimes the rope would be too out of reach, sometimes it'd land perfectly in front of me; but each time I chose to remain where I was. I never tried to climb up after that first attempt.

Emmett tried. If others were throwing down a rope ladder, he was throwing down the heavy-duty shit. Hell, he was probably installing an elevator or something. And I did appreciate it. I really, really did. But I didn't want or _need_ to leave. I was fine here. A bit cold, a bit lonely, but I was ok, and that would have to do.

And then I met him. The asshole. He seemed so unthreatening at first, just another passer-by checking in and then growing bored and walking away. But then he came back. He came back and _completely destroyed_ my hole. He dug and dug and dug until the whole surrounding area was even with the bottom of my hole. The sunlight rushed in to fill the space it had neglected for months. The wind rushed through my hair. People walked and talked and went about their daily lives all around me, invading _my space_ , walking through _my hole._ I was exposed and scared and suddenly homeless.

But at the time I couldn't bring myself to care. Because he was there, sitting right next to me, looking up at the sunlight and watching everyone walk around me. He didn't even say anything; he just sat there and kept me company.

The nerve of him.

But I was happy. I didn't push him away or grab a shovel to dig another hole to bury myself in. I just sat and watched him, still hardly believing I could be so close to another human being.

I should've known it couldn't last.

I should've stolen that motherfucker's shovel and dug myself another hole.

 **A/N: Let me know your thoughts! (please)**


	2. Your weak rhyme

Chapter 1

"Morning, Bella!" Jake shouted cheerfully, smiling widely. I don't know why he bothered anymore; he knew I wasn't going to fuck him no matter what – I'd told him as much.

"Hey Jake," I replied quietly, offering a small smile in return. It was forced and it hurt my cheeks.

"Good weekend?"

I sighed very, very quietly. "It was fine."

"Yeah, mine was pretty boring," _I didn't ask, asshole_. "Just hung out with some of the guys, watched a couple of movies, hung out at some bars." _You can stop talking now._ I nodded vaguely.

"You should hang out with us some time! Quil misses you. And Embry. They haven't seen you in ages, B!" His tone was casual, but I knew where he was headed. I wasn't going to give in, though.

I just shrugged and turned to my desk, booting up my very out dated computer. Emmett offered to upgrade mine, but I honestly didn't give a shit.

Jake didn't stop, though. Apparently he couldn't take a hint, despite _months_ of unenthusiastic replies on my part. I wasn't really listening; I just let him talk himself out, nodding and _hmm_ -ing during the random pauses in his monologue.

I was eventually saved by Emmett, "Bells, how you doing?" he asked while taking a seat on his desk.

"Not bad, Em. Did you and Rose have a good weekend?" To be honest, I wasn't really that interested, but it's what I was supposed to ask him every Monday morning. It's not that I didn't care about Emmett, exactly; I just didn't care about anything.

"Yeah, it was great." He gave me a small smile and didn't elaborate, but turned to engage Jake in conversation about his latest case.

Once again I let the voices drift into the background. Everyone had learnt not to drag me in to conversations that lasted more than 30 seconds. Everyone except for Jake it seemed. That's what it had been like for the past eight months: polite, short conversations and that was it. Everyone had stopped trying. I loved it.

I settled in to the day, reviewing cases and typing out reports. I used to hate this shit, it was boring and dull work. Now, I embraced the numbness and let it take over. The dry work matched the rest of my existence – monotonous, repetitious, pointless. I never thought I'd see the day where I preferred the report writing to the fieldwork.

I was broken out of my reverie by Emmett's voice.

"Bells, grab lunch with me." It wasn't a request.

I looked over to the clock, noticing it was already noon. Had the morning really gone that quickly?

I looked over to Emmett. He was standing at my desk, coat in hand, waiting. We hadn't had lunch together in months. He didn't even ask me anymore because he knew what my response would be.

"Maybe tomorrow, Em? I really want to get as much done today as possible." I gave him a polite smile then went back to typing. I was shocked when my screen suddenly went black. Emmett's finger was on the power button of my monitor. He used to do this to me all the time back in the day, just to piss me off. He'd smile as I'd groan and throw a paperclip at his head – he knew I would get so absorbed in my work that any interruption would make me jump.

He wasn't smiling today, though. He looked determined.

"Bella," he said slowly and deliberately, "let's go out for lunch. I'm buying. We won't be long, I promise." His eyes bore into mine, completely serious and unrelenting.

I let out a sigh, much louder than I intended, and nodded. I grabbed my coat and was reaching for my bag before Emmett stopped me, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door.

"You won't need your bag, don't worry. What do you feel like eating?"

"Anything, I don't really mind," I muttered while trying to shrug on my coat, which proved to be impossible because he still hadn't let go of my hand. I tried to wriggle it out of his grasp but he wouldn't let go.

"Just pick something, Bella," he sighed, exasperated.

"Fine. Pizza." I tugged harder.

I stumbled backwards and almost collapsed as he suddenly let go of me to clap his hands together and smile widely. I hadn't seen that smile in months. "Great!" He exclaimed. "I feel like deep dish. Let's go to the place around the corner." He rubbed his hands together in anticipation and led us out of the station.

It was a quiet walk. Emmett tried a couple of times to engage in small talk, but my short answers made it impossible to hold a long conversation. I just wanted to be back at my desk so the day would hurry up and end and I could head home.

He held the open the door to the small, quiet restaurant, bowing ridiculously low and gesturing for me to enter first. I felt a genuine smile grace my lips as I walked in, patting his head gently as I passed him. I rushed over to the corner booth, hoping to stay away from the rest of the customers and have some quiet time.

Emmett was in a talkative mood today, though. It looked like it was going to be one of _those_ days.

It was strange; I hadn't seen Emmett this energetic in a long, _long_ time. He was joking and trying to get me to laugh. He was acting like the goofball I'd known since I was a kid. It was nice and familiar, but it wasn't enough to pull me out of that dark hole I'd made my home in.

"So how was your weekend, Bells?" He asked once our pizzas arrived, delving in before the plate had actually touched the table.

I grabbed my fork, "It was-"

"-Fine," he finished for me. He smirked around his full mouth of pizza, "I'm not Jake. Don't brush me off, Belly."

 _Belly_. I hated that nickname and he knew it. Well, I _used_ to hate that nickname. I couldn't bring myself to feel annoyed anymore.

I sighed before putting a much too large bit of pizza in my mouth, giving myself a moment to think. I stared at Emmett shrewdly as I slowly chewed the gooey, cheesy pizza. He was different today. He was trying too hard. He was trying to make things normal again, and that definitely wasn't going to happen.

He stared back at me innocently, before grinning widely and opening his mouth and sticking out his tongue, showing me his half masticated food.

I shook my head and tried to throw my napkin at his face. It didn't make it halfway across the table.

He laughed loudly as I scowled. "C'mon Bella! What did you do this weekend?" He asked again. He was pushing.

I swallowed my food and gave in, "Nothing, Em. I stayed home and relaxed for a bit."

"You were home all weekend?"

"Yeah."

"By yourself?"

 _Obviously_. "Yes."

"All weekend?"

"Emmett, just ask what you want to ask." I sighed.

"I called you on Saturday night," he said, suddenly serious again and staring me down.

 _Shit_. I'd been out all Saturday night and my phone had run out of battery.

I tried to look innocent. "Really? I might have been in the shower." I stuffed another too big bite of pizza into my mouth.

"I called four times. An hour apart each time." His stare was relentless.

"I just didn't hear it."

"It went straight to voicemail."

"My phone might have turned off."

"Bella." Emmett was glaring at me now. I avoided his eyes and played with my pizza. I'd barely eaten a quarter of it.

" _Bella_." He said more forcefully before grabbing my chin and lifting my face to his. I stared back defiantly.

"You're not my father, Em." The words caused my throat to close up and before I knew it tears were stinging my eyes. I pushed his hand from my chin before looking down at my hands. They were shaking.

 _No._ I wasn't going to cry _. I'm NOT going to cry_. I took a deep breath and felt the wonderful numbness take over me. After a few quick blinks my eyes quickly dried up and my hands remained steady. The walls were back up, just the way I liked it.

Emmett growled in annoyance, "Stop shutting me out, Bella!" He exclaimed much too loudly. Thankfully there weren't many people in the restaurant, but still.

He was agitated, running both his hands through his short black hair, aggressively scratching his scalp.

"Emmett, you need to calm down," I said in a composed, almost bored, voice.

His eyes shot to mine before he scoffed, roughly threw a 50 down on the table, and stormed out.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head slightly before following him out. By the time I got out the door he was already halfway to the station. I followed slowly, confused but not very surprised by what had happened. We'd had fights like that before, but I didn't understand why he was so worried again. We'd reached an agreement: I'd promised to be careful, and he promised to butt out. Why was he being overprotective again?

I tried not to dwell. Knowing Emmett, he'd just corner me this afternoon and tell me what the fuck his problem is instead of waiting for me to figure it out. He was too impatient to hold a grudge.

When I finally made it back to the station Emmett and Jake were gone. The Captain said that there had been a B&E and they had gone to check it out. I settled back into my desk, glancing over quickly to Emmett's empty one right in front of me.

I loved Emmett. I really did. I didn't mean to push him away or keep him out of my life.

Well, I did _mean_ it, but I didn't want him to be hurt over it. He had Rose and his friends and family to be with; he didn't need me to be in his life anymore.

It didn't mean love him. It didn't mean I didn't care or worry about him.

It was an hour later that Jake and Emmett returned. Jake was grumbling something about a "bunch of pussies" and someone "not knowing how to use a fucking deadbolt." Thankfully he was too frustrated to talk to anyone about it and he sat at his desk in silence, occasionally mumbling another insult under his breath.

Emmett didn't sit at his desk but walked into the Captain's office, closing the door behind him. It wasn't altogether unusual for him to chat with the Captain. The closed door had me a little worried, though.

It was around 4p.m when I trudged in to the kitchen to make myself a coffee, my feet dragging and my eyes drooping. I walked in to find Emmett standing there, not really doing anything but looking preoccupied. I walked straight passed him, ignoring him completely but knowing he was going to burst eventually. I was reaching for a mug when he spoke.

"I found a job for you."

"What?" I asked, rummaging around the cabinet for the sugar.

"I found a job for you," he repeated calmly, his voice resigned, "in the New York department. It's a step up. You'll still get to be a detective, but you'll be the go-to consultant for serial murder cases and other psychological stuff. That's what you want, isn't it?"

I turned to face him. I didn't take in anything he said. All I heard was white noise. His mouth was moving but the sounds he was making weren't registering as meaningful. I hadn't even noticed that Emmett had stopped talking until he sat down, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms and sighing loudly. He couldn't look at me.

 _Oh shit._

He was serious.

My brain finally caught up with my mouth, "You're firing me." It wasn't a question.

He didn't react. He didn't even look up. I didn't even know if he'd heard me. He just sat there, rubbing his face slowly. My brain went blank – it tended to do that a lot lately. Whenever I could feel emotions brewing under the surface I tended to shut my brain off before any lasting damage could be done. I didn't want to feel, I couldn't think. If I started thinking – really thinking – about what he was saying I'd lose it. This was all I had. This was everything. This was the only thing in my life. I couldn't have this taken away from me too. I couldn't. I _couldn't._

Emmett finally lowered his hands and looked at me; he looked pained and anxious and just sad. And then I felt like shit because I knew what I'd been doing to him; I knew the situation I'd put him in and I 'd taken advantage of the fact that he was my best friend and that he'd defend me 'til the end of the earth and stand up for me against anyone that had the balls to talk shit about me in front of him. I knew I was slacking off and letting him and the team down, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Until now. Until I saw just how much of a toll this was taking on him. Emmett was the only person in my life that I cared about anymore, and now I was making him miserable – just as miserable as I was.

"I'm not firing you, Bells." He shook his head, trying to drive home the point. Or was he just trying to clear his thoughts? I couldn't tell. "I'm not. I would never. But you need this, Bella. You need to get as far away from this place as possible. You need to start over and find yourself again." His voice was strained as he continued; "You haven't been yourself for so long. And I want to help you so badly; I want to be there for you and find that fucking crazy kid that I know and love, but she's not here. She'll never be _here_ again. You have to know that, B. You have to understand." He was pleaded, his eyes desperate and begging.

And I just stared at him. Numb.

"Please, Bella," he whispered. "Go to New York. You know it's what's best. I'm gonna visit you every month. I'm gonna call you every night. Nothing will have changed, I promise. The only thing is you won't be in this damn station remembering him. You'll be free, Bella."  
He was right. Of course he was right. It's been eight goddamn months since I'd felt like a human being. Now, I was just an empty shell, unfeeling and unmoveable. I'd smile and nod and do my work and act all day every day, but that's it. My life had become a series of steps. Step 1. Wake up. Step 2. Pretend. Step 3. Sleep. Step 4. Repeat.

It wasn't until just now that I'd realised how selfish I'd been. I tried to cut Emmett off; I didn't want him to have to go through this with me. I thought I'd been successful – I'd turned down lunch dates so he could hang out with Rose instead, I'd cancelled movie nights so he wouldn't have to deal with me, our conversations consisted of the regular pleasantries instead of our usually jesting. I expected him to move on and realise he didn't need to be my friend anymore and that he didn't owe me anything.

I was such an asshole.

I hadn't even noticed that he'd been subtly trying to look out for me this whole time. He'd given me cases that weren't going to cause me to relive that night; he'd put his ass on the line to make sure I was comfortable and that I had enough time off to recover; he'd handled all the legal shit and kept me out of court because he knew I wouldn't be able to do it. He tried to make life as easy as possible for me and how had I repaid him? By being a fucking downer and just letting him deal with that shit himself. He deserved to be free of me. He deserved to be happy and uninhibited and just the fun guy he used to be; cracking jokes and making rude gestures and painting the nails of the assholes in the holding cells and sucking Rose's face off every time she came to visit the station. Everyone suffered because of what I'd done to Emmett. It was my fault. Again.

"What's the Captain's name?" I asked, not making eye contact but staring at a spot just above his head.

Emmett perked up immediately, "Aro. His name is Aro Volturi. He's a bit of a weird guy but he's all right. The sergeant there is Marcus Rossi. He's an old buddy; we trained together at the academy. They're looking for a qualified forensic psychologist because their old one just retired, but they also need a detective. They're a great group, you'll get along with them pretty well."

I nodded once. "Should I call him, or…?"

"No, no, I'll set up the interview. I'll get Marcus to call you." He said, almost enthusiastically.

"Ok." I turned to walk out the kitchen when his voice stopped me.

"Bella?" He called hesitantly. I couldn't remember the last time Emmett did anything hesitantly.

I didn't turn, but stopped. "Yeah?"

"I haven't given up on you. I want to help you. I want you to get better. I think this is the best way." He paused. "Psychology was your passion. You used to love solving cases and figuring people out. Remember? You're going to get to do that again. This is good. This is a good thing."

I wasn't entirely sure who he was trying to convince: me or him.

"Yeah," was all I said before rushing out. I didn't have time for this; I had apartment hunting to do.

 **A/N: Thanks so much for reading! The angst won't be around for too long (hopefully).  
** **Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**


	3. You doubt I'll bother

Chapter 2

Five. Five boxes. I'd managed to fit everything I was willing to take with me in _five fucking boxes_. I wasn't going to take my furniture with me; it was much easier to just sell it instead of hiring a moving truck and hauling it all the way to New York. I was just taking the essentials, but even so, _five boxes?_ How was it possible that my life was so…small? And my pots and pans took up most of the space! This was ridiculous.

"That's everything, Bella?" I didn't even hear Emmett come in. He was trying to help out as much as he could. I think it was guilt. He'd offered to come help me pack but I'd declined, I wanted to do this myself. I needed a chance to sift through all my belongings, throwing out as much as possible and keeping only the necessary things. I knew if Emmett were with me he'd try and convince me to keep as much as a could; he was a compulsive hoarder. I thought Rose would beat that out of him but it turns out she's exactly the same. You'd never know just by looking at her that she was so sentimental. Hell, I'd known her for years and even I couldn't believe how sappy she could be.

I turned to Emmett and nodded, hands on my hips as I surveyed the apartment that had been mine for the past three years. I had been lucky, really lucky, to pay it off earlier in the year, so it really was _mine._ It wasn't much, just your basic studio apartment. I remember when I first got it, I'd hung photos and paintings on every space I could, I'd installed an elaborate entertainment system at Emmett's insistence, I'd painted the bedroom lavender before changing my mind and painting it a soft cream colour, I'd almost transformed the place, determined to make it a home. Now the walls were bare and bleak, the entertainment system was gone, along with the couch I'd bought with Rose and the bed my dad had got me, and all the other electronics. The place was lifeless…a bit like me. The only difference was that this place would be full of life again, someone else would come along and make their own changes and have friends and family over and be happy. _This_ place would come alive again.

Well, a girl could dream.

"Do you want me to take this all down?" Emmett asked, already bending over to pick up the boxes.

"Yeah, that'd be great, thanks Em." I offered him a grateful smile, which he briefly returned before walking out the door.

I toed one of the boxes labelled "other," before walking back to my soon to be old bedroom, folding my arms and contemplating for a moment. The past month had been a whirlwind. I got a call from Marcus Rossi, a brief phone interview where he asked me a little about who I was and what kind of detective I wanted to be. I was nice and friendly and even a little funny. I was a little bit of my old self again, which was both good and bad. Marcus seemed like a nice enough guy; a bit quiet and reserved, but trustworthy and strong. He'd asked me to come in for a second interview to meet the Captain and I'd quickly agreed, booking a plane ticket for the day before the interview as soon as I'd hung up with him. I was franticly apartment hunting, making appointments with real estate agents to meet with them while I was in New York, discussing rent prices and different features of apartments they had on offer close to the station. I couldn't remember the last time I'd thrown myself into a project like this. It was nice, a pleasant distraction. While I was still nervous – ok, _terrified_ – about moving to a new city with no friends or family or _anything_ , there was a very small part of me that was just a little bit excited. I really wanted to take this opportunity to start over and move on. That's not to say that I was going to be happy once I got to New York, but this little interim – the chance to plan out a potential future and start over – was a little bit fun.

Emmett had driven me to the airport, remaining quiet and contemplative for most of the trip. When he got out to say goodbye he held me close, soothingly rubbing his hands up and down my back. When he pulled away he forced my gaze to his and quietly asked, "Is this what you want?" His eyes were full of concern. All I could do was nod because I knew that if I said anything all the emotions I've been trying to keep buried down would rush to the surface and I'd break down. Em nodded once in return and let me go, asking me to call him once I landed.

The weekend had gone pretty smoothly. I found a great apartment close to the station that was actually pretty affordable, ready to place a security deposit. I met Marcus, who turned out to be much more laid back and chill in person than on the phone. I could tell why he and Emmett got along.

And then I met Aro. _Weird_ didn't even begin to cover him. He was nice and very kind and accommodating, but there was something about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I was pretty wary of him, but that didn't stop me from making a great impression and being hired on the spot. Once I'd told Em the news he'd celebrated with me briefly before hanging up. I knew that a tiny part of him had hoped that this wouldn't work out. A tiny part of me had hoped so too.

The following weeks were frantic as I worked to close as many of my open cases as I could while also working out my living arrangements and the finer details of my move. It had happened so quickly that I had barely noticed that I was moving. It hadn't sunk it until this morning, staring in shock at the few belongings that would be accompanying me. I was hoping the 12-hour drive would help me process it.

"Bella?" Rose knocked quietly on my bedroom door – well, my old bedroom door. She looked worried.

I turned and gave her a reassuring smile. "Thank you so much for your help these past couple of weeks, Rose. I couldn't have got this done without you."

"Of course, Bella," she walked towards me hesitantly, "You're family, of course I'm going to help out."

I gave her another timid smile before staring down at my fidgeting hands. She placed her warm hands on top of mine, halting them in their nervous movements.

"You're the strongest person I know, Bella. Do you know that? You're brave and fearless and intelligent. I know this move is scary, and I know you don't want to admit that you're freaking out…but I know you're going to get through this. You're going to flourish in New York."

I didn't look up at her. I nodded, my gaze still fixed on our joined hands. She lifted one of her hands and placed it on my cheek, lifting my face up to look at her. Her eyes were full of faith and love, _for me_. "You're going to kill it, Bella."

I felt the tears falling before I even had a chance to stop them. I didn't want to stop them. I wasn't going to stifle this feeling – it was too important. I launched my arms around Rosalie's neck, pulling her close to me. After pushing her away for so long, it felt good to finally pull her back and hold her again. Her arms were around my back, holding me to her, rubbing soothing circles there. She was my closest friend, the closest thing I'd ever have to a sister. I'd yelled at her and ignored her and shunned her for months and here she was, supporting me as if none of that stuff ever happened.

She never expected anything from me; she just wanted to be there for me. And I hadn't let her.

 _God I'm an asshole_.

"I'm s-s-sorry, Rose." I gasped into her shoulder, pulling her closer still. "I'm s-such an a-a-ass."  
"Shhh, Bella. It's ok. I've always known you were an ass."  
I let out a watery chuckle.

"You're such a bitch."

"I know," she whispered back, a smile in her voice.

I'm not sure how long we stood there, just holding each other and savouring the moment. It felt like a long time, but I just couldn't let her go. Finally, a soft cough from the doorway gave me the reality check I needed to pull out of Rose's embrace. She had tears in her eyes too, but gave me a radiant smile and held on to my hand. I returned her beam with one of my own, relieved that I could give Rose a proper goodbye, one that she deserved for all the shit I put her through.

"Ready to go, Bells?" Emmett's voice came from the doorway. I turned to him and nodded, pulling Rose along with me as Emmett embraced us both, squishing us into a very uncomfortable group hug. Rose giggled and pinched Emmett's side, causing him to squeak and drop his arms. I was really gonna miss them.

We walked quickly around the apartment, opening closets and cupboards, ensuring nothing had been forgotten or left behind before heading downstairs to my car. Before I could even reach for the door, Emmett hopped into the driver's seat.

"You know you're going to have to move from there eventually, right?" I asked dryly.

He grinned up at me, "Not for four hours at least. I'll take first shift, you can drive at night."

I stared back at him blankly before questioningly turning to Rose, "What's he on about?" The question came our sharper than I'd intended.  
She shrugged meekly, "He insisted. He didn't want you driving on your own and he wanted to help you settle in."

"Ok…" My brain was moving slowly and I wasn't fully registering what they were implying.

"Ok…" Emmett continued, "So, hop in!" He slammed the door shut. "We've got a long drive and I want to hit the road" His voice was muffled by the glass, and even more muffled by my foggy brain.

"Wait!" I shook my head to try and clear it. "Wait, wait, wait. This is a stupid idea! Like, really, really stupid. I'm perfectly capable of driving myself!" I tugged on the driver's side door, but Emmett held it closed.

"Bella, don't argue, just get in." Emmett stared me down sternly. It was the same look he'd give me when I was making a particularly rash decision out in the field.

I stubbornly crossed my arms, "You don't even have the keys," I observed triumphantly.

Emmett held up his hand, dangling on his little finger were my car keys. He gave me a sweet smile, "I work for the Chicago PD, sweetie. You don't think I had the foresight to swipe your spare keys? Just get in, we're wasting time."

I huffed in annoyance before turned again to Rose. "I can't be in the car with him for 12 hours!"

She chuckled before pulling me in for another hug. "Talk to him, Bella. You guys haven't really talked in ages. He wants to really be with you, _really be with you_ , before you leave. Give him the opportunity."

I sighed before moving away from Rose. "I'm going to miss you. Take care of this one." I pointed in Emmett's direction while walking around to the passenger side.

"Take care, Bella! Love you!"

I couldn't say it back.

"Bye," I gave her a small wave before closing the door.

"Here we go!" Emmett was bouncing in his seat.

I took a deep breath. _Yep, here we go_.

The trip turned out to be much easier than I'd anticipated. We had to stop a few times – ok, more than a few times because Emmett's metabolism is the stuff of legend – but we were still making good time. We did a little bit of site seeing at Emmett's insistence, and I had to admit that I enjoyed it a little too. Conversation flowed easier between us than it had in months. I was beginning to feel like me again. It was a shame Emmett and Rose couldn't experience this side of me before I left.

It was midnight when we decided to swap over. Emmett wanted to stay at a hotel for the night, but I'd maintained that I wasn't tired and would pull over if I needed to. As soon as Emmett's massive body hit the passenger seat he was out, snoring loudly with his mouth wide open and a couple of drops of drool already gathering at the side of his chin. I chuckled lightly before beginning the drive. His snores were a bit like a soundtrack and were oddly comforting; they reminded me of the past, back when we'd spend the whole weekend together and we'd fall asleep on the couch because we were too drunk to make it to our respective bedrooms. Those were easier times, simpler times.

And then I found myself creeping back into my hole.

I wanted those days back so badly, but I didn't want _her_ back. I didn't want fun, happy, carefree Bella back. I preferred this Bella – cautious, careful, clever. I'd worked hard on this Bella. This Bella was smarter and more protective of herself than the old Bella. Sure, I didn't enjoy life as much, but wasn't it worth it? Isn't it worth being a little miserable now to make sure I'm not _a lot_ miserable later?

I hadn't noticed that the snores stopped until I heard Emmett's voice, "It's not better this way, you know." His eyes were still closed, but he was obviously talking to me.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not better to be cold and distant. I know you're hurt – God, do I know you're hurt – but it doesn't do anything to cut yourself off from everyone."

Jesus, he saw right through me. Every time I think I'm hiding myself well enough, Emmett comes in and finds me before I've even had a chance to realise how shit my hiding spot actually was.

"He wouldn't want you to feel like this."

I almost stopped the car.

"You have no idea what he'd want, Emmett." I spat at him. "And I don't want to talk about this anyway. Go back to sleep."

Emmett finally opened his eyes and sat up in his chair, turned slightly so he could face me. I kept my eyes on the road.

"I do know what he'd want. I do. And he wouldn't want you to throw your life away and shut everyone out. He wouldn't want you to live this, this…I can't even call what you're living a life! You just go through the motions, Bella. You don't laugh or smile or enjoy anything. What's the point? _What's the point?"_ He was breathing hard, his eyes wild and angry, but also desperate.

I bit my lip, "Exactly." I whispered.

He didn't respond to that.

I sighed heavily, suddenly exhausted. "Go to sleep, Em. I'll wake you in a couple of hours."

I felt rather than saw him relax back into his seat before turning away from me and facing the window. I didn't hear any snores from him all night.

It was a little after 2 a.m. when we finally reached New York. Funny how there was still a ridiculous amount of traffic despite the hour. Emmett had stopped pretending to be asleep by the time we reached the apartment. I still didn't have any furniture yet, so Emmett and I decided to crash at a cheap motel for the night. We took separate rooms, mumbled an awkward "G'Night" to each other and went to our rooms. I set my alarm for 8 a.m. The furniture would be delivered tomorrow morning and I had a long day ahead of me. With that thought, and without bothering to change out of my clothes, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

But not for very long.

There was a very loud, very incessant knocking at my door.

"Let's go, Belly! It's six in the morning!"

"Noooooo," I groaned.

"Belly, I'll break this door down, I promise! Get up!"

"Ugh!" I rolled out of bed with my eyes still closed tight. I felt my way around the room and finally reached the door to open it.

"What the fuck, Emmett?" I mumbled, not bothering to actually pronounce the words but instead letting my tone carry the meaning.

"I have 28 hours left in New York and we're going to make the most of them. Go shower and get ready," his hands pushed me back into the room, which was a terrible idea because my eyes were still closed and I was still half asleep. So instead of walking backwards like Emmett probably expected me to do, I just fell to the carpeted floor, too tired to break my fall.

I hit my head as I fell on my stomach, but I didn't try to move. The floor was too comfortable.

"I'm going to get up. Later." Again, incoherent, unintelligible.

I suddenly felt something very heavy and very, _very_ large sit on top of me, pushing me further into the probably very dirty carpet.

"Emmett!" I gasped, "Emmett McCarty, you're going to kill me!"

He didn't seem to care, "Bella!" He sang, "We're going to your apartment first so we can set everything up, then we're going to Times Square, _then_ we're going to eat some New York Pizza, _then_ we're going to the big statue lady thing that everyone's obsessed with, _then_ we're going to go see a play – actually, no fuck that, that sounds boring – _then_ …I don't know what we'll do, but we're going to make sure it's super cliché and touristy, ok Bella?"

My lungs were burning. I was struggling to get enough oxygen in me to power my brain. "Em," I choked out, "Please!"

"Yeesh, stop being such a baby, Belly." He stood up immediately and I inhaled a huge breath, grateful for the cool air to be entering my system again. I rolled onto my back and glared up at my best friend.

"You're such an asshole, McCarty."

"But Bella!" He was jumping up and down, an excited grin on his face, "I want to see New York! I'm so excited! It's New York! We're in New York!"

I couldn't hold back my giggle as I watched him bouncing with his hands clasped together, the anticipation clear in his eyes.

"Ok! Ok I'm up! Let me get a shower and then we'll get breakfast on the way to my place, ok?"

"YAY!" Emmett yelled, effortlessly pulling me from the floor and giving me a hug. He gave me a loud, wet kiss on my cheek before I shoved him away, grumbling at him for being gross. "I'll be back in 30 minutes!" He chirped and then left me in my suddenly very quiet room.

I got into the shower and sighed as the hot water hit my body, washing away the grime from travel and the cheap motel. I had barely finished washing my hair when I heard a knock on the bathroom door, "LET'S GO! IT'S BEEN AGES!" _How the fuck did he get into my room?_

It had been a long day. All the furniture arrived on time – thank God – and my apartment was set up promptly: books were on their selves, clothes were in their wardrobes, pots and pans were in their cupboards. We finished pretty quickly and I felt pretty good about the place. It wasn't _home_ , but at this stage I doubted anything would feel like home again; not when _he_ was gone and Em and Rose were back in Chicago. No, it wasn't home, but it was still a pretty nice place.

We ended up doing everything Emmett wanted to do; we went to Time Square, which turned out to be incredibly overrated and boring, we saw the Statue of Liberty, we ate fatty pizza (which was no where near as good as deep dish), we managed to get in to a baseball game and watch two teams I heard never heard of play each other, and now we were strolling around Central Park. I was in no rush to leave. Sure, it was crowded and the kids were loud, but it was still such a beautiful place.

Emmett led us over to a bench and pulled me down to sit next to him. He draped his arm on the bench behind me and looked around at the park, smiling serenely. I gazed out as well, enjoying the feeling of the sun on my skin, the wind in my hair, the sound of children laughing. It was nice, a perfect end to the day.

"Did you have fun today?" Emmett asked, trying to appear casual but I could sense that the answer was really important to him.

I turned to him and gave him a genuine smile, nodding hugely, "I did. I had so much fun today. Thank you, Emmett."

He returned my smile, looking relieved, "I'm glad. I wanted you to have fun today. I wanted us to have fun together before…before I left." He suddenly looked uncomfortable and looked away, focusing a little too intently on a family sitting a little in front of us.

I sighed. Every time Emmett and I tried to talk he'd get angry and frustrated. I didn't want to upset him, not today, but there were some things I needed to say to him.

"Emmett, I'm sorry I've been such a prick these past few months. I know this has been hard on you, too I just-"

He cut me off, shaking his head violently, "No, Bella. Don't. It's fine, ok? I've been trying to force you to talk to me and open up and shit and that wasn't fair on you. It wasn't fair that I tried to tell you how to deal with your grief. That's your choice, ok? I just want you to be happy because it makes me happy, and I know that's kind of selfish but fuck it." He sighed heavily, looking at me with sad eyes, "I just…I don't want to fight with you. I just want to be your best friend today. I'm going to have to trust that you know best how to deal with what you're dealing with, but Bella…" he took my hands in his, lowering his face so that we were eye to eye, "please, _please_ promise me you'll _deal_ with it. Don't just shove it away or ignore it, handle it. Please. You don't have to if you don't want to. I just want you to not feel like this anymore. I want you to be better, because I know you can be so much better, Baby girl."

It was that name, that name that tipped me over the edge. I gasped quietly, the hot tears already racing down my face and the lump in my throat growing larger and larger. I couldn't talk, so I just nodded, trying to give him a reassuring smile but I'm sure it came out as a grimace.

He smiled back, looking at peace with himself before dropping me hands and standing up, "I'm gonna go."

I looked up, confused and shocked, "What?"

"I'm going to stay in a hotel tonight and catch a cab to the airport tomorrow morning."

I furrowed my brow, frowning, "Emmett," I stood up too, "Em, don't be stupid. We'll go to my place and I'll drive you in the morning."

He shook his head, looking down at me, "I want to keep this day perfect. I want it to stay exactly like this." He said softly.

Before I could argue again he scooped me up, lifting my feet off the ground and holding me tightly. I wrapped my arms around his waist, fresh tears falling as he pressed his lips to my cheek. "Take care of yourself, Bella. But good – no, be _extraordinary_ like I know you are." I nodded against his chest, feeling sobs work their way up my throat and out of my mouth before I could stop them.

He put me down but didn't release me, rubbing his arms up and down my back in a soothing motion. When he finally pulled away I saw that his eyes were red and tears had be running down his face too. He leaned in and gave me a soft peck on the forehead.

"I'll see you next month," he whispered against my skin, before letting go of me quickly and walking away.

I couldn't watch him walk away from me, so I quickly turned and headed to the street, eager to find a taxi so I could go home and probably cry myself to sleep.

 **A/N:** Wow guys I'm a little bit blown away by the number of faves and follows. Thank you so much! And thank you for your reviews! I love really love reading them.

In regards to a schedule, I'm hoping to upload every Friday – though to be honest, I'm not sure how sustainable that is… but I'll try my best! Please leave a review, let me know what you're thinking :)

Next chapter is under way, so I'll hopefully see you next week!


	4. Reading into it

Chapter 3

My ceiling was a strange colour. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it. Actually, it wasn't even the colour, but something about the paint made it seem luminescent, but not in a good way. It was kind of eerie. And weird.

I'd been staring at it for – I looked to my right to check the alarm clock on my nightstand – two hours. I had been tossing and turning all night, but I gave up trying to get back to sleep around four in the morning. It was now six, and I had about five minutes before the very loud, very annoying alarm went off. I rolled out of bed and turned off the alarm clock before heading to the shower. The hot water soothed my nerves, but only slightly. I wasn't particularly nervous about meeting my new co-workers and fitting in…well, I was nervous about that, but that wasn't my biggest concern. I wanted to be _good_ at this job. I wanted to take Emmett's advice and be better, but what if I couldn't? What if I dragged my feet like I did back home and just went about getting through the day without even trying to be good? I didn't want that. I wanted to succeed at something, and I sure as hell wasn't succeeding in anything to do with my personal life, so I guess I had to at least try to improve my professional life.

I took my sweet time getting ready, making a very elaborate breakfast that would probably have been too much even for Emmett. I brushed my hair once, twice, three times, before pulling out my straightener and almost burning my ear off because I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. I chose an outfit and then changed it again. After about 2 hours I found myself staring at my face in the bathroom mirror with an assortment of cosmetics laid out in front of me. I couldn't decide if I should wear makeup or not. I doubted I'd be out in the field on my first day, so there was no risk of my face melting off or anything like that. But I also didn't want to set a precedent – I didn't normally wear makeup to work, so why start now? But I still wanted to make a good impression…

I groaned, frustrated with myself and my ridiculous inner monologue. I decided to just lightly smear on a bit of foundation before stalking off to the kitchen, promising myself not to look in the mirror again for the rest of the morning.

When the time finally, _finally_ came for me to start walking to work I felt the nerves start to disappear, relieved to finally be doing something. Thankfully, my apartment was very close to the precinct – only a couple of blocks away. Apparently people didn't like living near a place riddled with detectives, who knew?

As I walked in I was greeted with a very young, very tired looking officer, but she smiled warmly when she saw me approaching.

"Good morning, ma'am. Can I help you?"

"Umm yeah, hi. I'm Bella Swan…" Crap, what was I supposed to say? "Is Captain Volturi in yet? I'm starting as a new detective today…"

"Of course, Detective Swan! We were told you'd be coming in today." She glanced at the clock behind her before turning to me again, "You're a little early. The Captain's not in yet, but I can take you to your desk so you can get settled in before he gets here."

"Yeah, sure that'd be great, Officer…"

"Please, call me Angela," she offered me another bright smile and led the way.

"Did you work the night shift?" I asked, looking for a safe topic of conversation.

She sighed quietly, "Yeah. I get off in about 40 minutes." She rubbed her eyes tiredly, "It was a pretty rough night. The teenagers around here are not happy about being back at school after summer vacation." She chuckled softly.

I hummed sympathetically. She was leading me down a long hallway; I could see the interrogation rooms and got a peak of the lab.

"The Captain will give you a proper tour," Angela said, "But these are our main interrogation rooms. The holding cell is down the end of the hallway. We have a small lab for basic forensics, and the M.E does her work downstairs. Evidence locker and records room are upstairs. And this," she steered me to the right, "is where you and your team will work."

It was a very large room, with spacious desks laid out and a small kitchenette on the left. At the end of the room was an office, which I assumed belonged to Aro. It was strange looking at this place – it felt familiar and yet so different.

"You're pretty early so you probably won't be running into any of the team for the next half an hour or so." Angela continued, "but the Captain usually comes in early on a Monday to get a rundown of what happened over the weekend and to assign new cases and whatnot. He should be here in the next couple of minutes, actually."

I turned to her with a grateful smile. "Thanks, Angela. I'll let you get back to work."

"I'm looking forward to getting to know you better, Detective Swan."

"Call me Bella."

She beamed, "Bella, then. Good luck." And with a small wave she left me alone.

I took a deep breath. That wasn't so bad. And she was very nice. Looks like I'd have at least one person that would take pity on me.

I glanced around the room again, glimpsing at the desks. There weren't too many, definitely less than ten, so it must be a small squad. Most of the desks were pretty tidy, although there was a distinct stench coming from one of them. I walked closer to it, seeing the name Det. K. Hunter on the nameplate. I didn't want to pry, but what the _fuck_ , it smelled really bad, like something had died in there. I decided to leave it alone instead of risk getting caught snooping through someone else's desk.

I found a large desk right at the back of the room, overlooking all the other desks. I approached it and, as suspected, the nameplate indicated that it belonged to Sergeant Marcus Ricci. His desk was very neat and organised; all the files were skilfully stacked and labelled. There were two trays in the corner, one marked "opened" and the other "closed." There were stamps and highlighters and an array of different coloured pens all lined up in size and colour order. I was starting to think this guy had OCD until I saw the messy clutter of photographs sitting in front of his computer. I didn't know how he managed to fit so many photo frames in such a small space, but there they were, all of them featuring a stunning woman with pale skin and long, thick, dark hair. Her green eyes were bright with life and energy, and she was smiling brightly in every photo. Some of the photos had Marcus in them too, usually with him holding her or gazing at her with admiration. You couldn't help but smile looking at the two of them – so in love and content, but not in a sickening way.

I heard a throat clear behind me and I jumped, whirling quickly to see who had caught me. I saw Aro standing there, staring at me with an amused expression on his face. He looked exactly the same as the last time I saw him – though I'm not sure why I expected anything different – tall, skinny, with sharp cheekbones and jet-black hair that was slicked back. There was something about him – maybe the way he stood, appearing almost rigid in his movements, or the way he stared at you, unyielding and determined, or maybe it was just his whole energy – but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how old he was. He could've been 30 or he could've been 60, I absolutely couldn't tell you. But the way he looked at you...it was as if he could see right through you. And his _eyes;_ his eyes were dark and calculating, and I suspected he did very well in the interrogation room because I single look into those ominous eyes and I instantly felt guilty.

"C-Captain," I stuttered, "I didn't mean to pry, I got here early and I just wanted to look around-"

He held up a hand and shook his head slightly, "It is no problem, Isabella," his voice was as oily and as slick as his hair, "We are detectives, are we not? We are naturally curious, which is why we excel so well in our given profession."

I just nodded. How the fuck was I supposed to reply to that? But he seemed to be waiting for me to speak.

"It's very nice to see you again, Captain," I walked forward to shake his hand, "I'm really looking forward to working with you and the rest of the team you've assembled."

He grasped my hand; his skin was cold and had a strange, dry texture to it. I tried not to let it bother me as he looked down and smiled.

"As do I, Isabella. Come, let us speak in my office."

I followed him to the door at the end of the room leading to his office.

His office was…completely bare. There were two newspaper clippings in frames hanging on the wall behind him, but other than that there was nothing.

 _Who is this guy?_

He offered me a seat in front of his desk, as he took his own. "Now, Isabella," he began (I was too scared to tell him I prefer to be called Bella), "I received your transcript stating that you've completed the certification exam. Your old Sergeant has also updated me on the training exercises you've completed and everything appears to be sufficient. Obviously I would prefer to have you complete some training exercises with the new team, but we're in no rush for that. We are scheduled for tactical training exercises in a few weeks, so you'll participate with the team then. Do you have any administrative questions?"

I shook my head.

He clapped his hands together suddenly and I jumped. A broad smile spread across his face, "Wonderful! Well, it's almost nine so the rest of the squad should be arriving. You're expected to arrive at nine every morning and you are permitted to leave at five. You've read your contract, I assume?" I nodded. "Fantastic. For the next couple of weeks I'm going to have you assisting the other detectives with their cases before I assign you any open cases. Most cases are assigned randomly, however I do try to play to the strengths of my team."

He opened a drawer in his desk and took out a very large folder, handing it to me and indicating I should open it.

"Our forensic psychologist came in mainly for consultations. He wasn't a detective but rather did some profiling for us when we needed it. You won't be expected to take on his whole workload, but you will be expected to be available to consult and evaluate potential threats. Most serial cases will be passed on to Major Crimes, but we still need to provide them with the preliminary information, which will include your psychological insight." I flipped through the pages of the folder, noticing immediately that their last forensic psychologist was primarily concerned with providing a diagnosis instead of actually trying to predict the person's behaviour. A lot of the profiles ended with the phrase " _Potentially schizophrenic: Behaviour is unpredictable."_ What an idiot. What's the point of having you profile the criminal if you can't tell us what they're going to do so we can stop them?

I looked up and saw Aro staring at me quizzically. He cocked his head to the side and pursed his lips, obviously trying to figure me out. _Welcome to the club._

"What do you think?" He asked, gesturing to the folder.

I deliberated: I could risk pissing Aro off and tell him the truth – that their last consultant was an absolute idiot and probably wasn't very helpful to them – or I could play to Aro's vanity and tell him he that their last psychologist gave me very large shoes to fill.

 _Fuck it._

"I think your last consultant – while probably qualified – wasn't sufficiently meeting your demands. I think you made the right choice looking for someone that has knowledge of law enforcement as well as a background in psychology and I think that I'm going to be more beneficial to you than…whoever wrote this." I probably came off as a bitch, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to care. I knew I could do better than their last guy, and that gave me the confidence to tell Aro so.

Aro threw his head back and laughed loudly, "But Isabella, you are delightful!" He chucked quietly to himself a little longer, "Yes, I believe that you are right. And I'm now expecting great things from you. Come," he stood from his chair and walked around to my side of the desk, "Let's introduce you to the rest of the team. They're anxious to meet you."

We walked out the door and I felt my heart pounding in my ears, faster and louder than I'd anticipated. I tried to keep my breathing steady and I clasped my hands together to keep them still. I wanted to look confident, I wanted them to respect me. I wanted to be _good._

As soon as Aro walked out the door everyone in the room stood up. The room had filled up in the short time Aro and I had spent talking.

"Everyone," Aro said, not bothering to raise his voice because everyone was silent, "this is Isabella Swan, our new detective. She'll also be our new consultant for all matters requiring psychological insight. Dismissed." He didn't say anything else, but turned back to his office and closed the door on his way in. Mr brows furrowed as I stared back at the curious eyes that were on me. What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do?

Thankfully, Marcus rushed to my aid from the back of the room.

"It's nice to see you again, Bella," he said with an easy smile, reaching out his hand to take mine, "Would you like me to introduce you to the squad?"

I exhaled, relieved, and returned his smile with a grin of my own, "Yes, please."

He nodded and then turned to face everyone else. They were all still standing.

"This is Tanya Denali," he gestured towards a beautiful woman with long, strawberry blonde hair, ice blue eyes and a kind smile. She offered me a small wave, which I tentatively returned.

"To her left is Kate Hunter," Kate was taller than Tanya but similar in her exquisite features, her hair lighter and sitting at her shoulders. She was bouncing with excitement and was beaming at me. _I'll have to look out for that one_.

"That there is James Daniels," James was short, only a little taller than me, but still well built. His hair was buzzed so short I almost couldn't tell it was there. He didn't smile, but gave me a curt nod, which I returned. _I have a feeling I'm gonna get along with that guy._

"This is Jasper Whitlock," Jasper was closest to us, and he walked forward to shake my hand. His hair was blonde and fell in soft curls over his forehead; his smile was warm and instantly put me at east. He also had super cute dimples. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"And at the back there next to my desk is Edward Cullen." The man in question gave me a nod with a hint of a smirk. I nodded back at him and quickly looked away because _holy shit_ that guy was hot. Tall, muscular without being overwhelming in his build, copper coloured hair, and piercing green eyes that stood out against his slightly tanned complexion. Yeah, he was pretty stunning.

"And this," Marcus gestured to the woman sitting at a desk right outside Aro's office, "is Aro's assistant Giana." I gave her a small smile, which she didn't return. Bitch.

"Nice to meet you all," I said shyly, because shit I was still pretty nervous. They all seemed like pretty decent people, but you could never really be sure.

"This will be your desk," Marcus pointed to the desk the sat between Edward and Jasper. "You can set it up soon, but right now we have a briefing. The briefing room is to the left." Everyone walked into the room and took a seat on the many chairs that were set up facing a large projector. I quickly placed my bag on my new desk and followed them in, opting to take a seat at the back of the room.

Marcus walked to the front of the room and began sorting through his notes, catching up with the other detectives and asking about their cases. I took the opportunity to watch how the team interacted with each other. Tanya and Kate were sitting in the front row, appearing quiet comfortable with each other and chatting quietly. James sat close to me in the row ahead, watching Marcus talk with a vague, disinterested look on his face. Is that what I looked like before I'd left Chicago? Jasper and Edward were sitting together in the middle. Edward appeared completely at ease, casually draping his arms across the surrounding chairs and leaning back in his seat, not paying much attention to anyone. I noticed Tanya turned in her chair to glance at him every now and then. I didn't blame her; he was nice to look at.

"Okay, so we got a call early this morning that a body was found behind an alleyway dumpster by a council worker. No I.D, Forensic should be on the scene in a couple of hours. Tanya, this is yours. Take Edward. Bella, I want you to tag along so you can get a feel of how we run these things. Let's go guys."

Everyone stood up and began shuffling to their desks. Tanya walked over to me and gave me a sweet smile, "It's nice to meet you, Bella," she said genuinely, grasping my hand with both of hers, "I'm looking forward to working with you. You ready to go?" I patted the pockets of my pants suit, checking that I head the essentials – phone, badge, I.D, notepad, and handgun safely stowed away in its holster. I nodded to her and she led me towards the garage. Edward wasn't with us.

"Umm…isn't Detective Cullen coming with us?" I asked.

She turned to me and smiled, mischief in her eyes, "Yeah, he just needs to take care of something real quick."

No sooner had she finished her sentence did I hear a loud, "EDWARD, WHAT THE FUCK!?" followed by raucous laughter. Suddenly Edward was jogging into the hallway towards us, still chuckling. Kate stuck her head out into the hallway with a furious, disgusted expression on her face, "I'm going to fucking kill you, Edward!" she yelled while wielding a-

"Is that a dead fish?!" I asked incredulously. So _that_ was what I had smelled in her desk.

"Keep trying, Hunter," Edward retorted. How is it that he looks _and_ sounds sexy as fuck? Not fair.

Tanya rolled her eyes and nodded at me, "Edward likes to prank someone in the office at least once a week. I think he has mild ADD or something."

"I don't think I do," he said when he caught up to us, still smiling widely and running a hand through his messy bronze locks, "it's not my fault you guys don't know how to have fun."

Tanya snorted and we kept walking to the garage.

"What about you, Rookie?" Edward questioned, facing me.

I raising my eyebrows at him, "Excuse me?" I asked flatly.

He wasn't fazed by my tone. Or my expression. "Do you know how to have fun?"

"Oh, I know what you were asking," I replied, "I just don't think you meant to speak to me. My name is Bella, or Detective Swan, not 'Rookie.'"

His eyes lit up, clearly excited by my annoyance. _Oh my god, he's a five year old._ So physically he was perfect, but psychologically he was lacking. What a shame.

"Hmm…" he pretended to ponder, "I think I like Rookie better. Maybe if you show me you're not a Rookie I might change my mind."

We'd reached the garage at this point, but I stopped in my tracks and crossed my arms. Tanya had opened the driver's door to the car and Edward was right behind her, but faltered and turned to face me once he'd noticed I'd stopped.

I gave him a sarcastic smile and placed a finger on my chin, "Hmm…" I imitated him, "I think that's a great idea! I guess I'll call you asshole, then. Until you stop acting like one." I walked past him and got into the backseat of the car, hearing him laugh loudly. The front door opened and he got in, turning in his chair to smile at me, "Touché, Swan. Touché."

Tanya put the car in drive and we sped out of the garage.

"So Detective Swan," Tanya started, "what brings you to New York."

"The traffic," I replied without thinking. Tanya chuckled and Edward snorted delicately.

"Sorry," I said, shaking my head a little, "I heard about this job and it sounded like a great opportunity. And please call me Bella."

"Do you have any friends or family in New York, Bella?" Tanya asked.

"Nope," I replied quickly, looking out the window.

"You're here by yourself?" Edward asked, shocked.

"Nah, there's like 8 million other people here."

I heard Edward groan.

"That's ok!" Tanya announced brightly, "You'll be at the precinct a lot so there's not much time for socialising. Where do you like to go in your spare time? Do you like clubbing or concerts or dancing…?" She trailed off, waiting for me to reply.

I sighed quietly; I wasn't really interested in making friends and that's exactly what Tanya was trying to do. Best to keep it vague.

"I'm pretty easy," Edward coughed, but I ignored him, "I'm into anything really. I'm not really fussed."

Tanya shrugged and pulled up to the kerb next to an alleyway where crime scene tape had already been set up. The three of us got out and approached the other officers that were already on the scene. The first thing that hit me was the stench, foul and pungent like rotting meat. I scrunched up my nose but tried to hide my discomfort.

Edward walked up to the officer that appeared to be in charge.

"Hey, Crowley," he said, greeting the officer with a nod, "What do we got?"

Officer Crowley sighed, "Caucasian female, about 5"2', looks to be around the age of 17. No I.D., no signs of struggle. She had nothing on her – no phone or wallet or anything. We think cause of death might be blunt trauma to the head – that's the only visible injury, but other than that we're not sure."

As Crowley was talking I took out my notepad and began scribbling notes, noticing that Tanya was doing the same next to me.

"Alice had a look yet?" She asked.

Crowley shook his head, "She called about 5 minutes ago. She's on her way now."

"Photographer?" I questioned.

"Left about 10 minutes ago."

I looked down at the child that was staring blankly at the sky. Her eyes were brown, like mine, but her hair was a little darker. She was in a black cocktail dress with red heels and matching jewellery. I had a really bad feeling about this one, and a glance at Edward and Tanya told me they felt the same.

Edward ran his hand through his hair and sighed, "Alright, thanks Crowley. We'll take it from here."

Officer Crowley nodded and called the other officers back before heading out towards their cruisers. Edward walked to the other side of the body and stared down at her, as if she was suddenly going to wake up and tell him what happened.

"She dressed up," observed Tanya, "she could've been going out and maybe got alcohol poisoning. Or she might have taken something…"

I shook my head but Edward spoke up, "There's no vomit or anything. If it was drug related there'd be something _visible._ "

"Maybe a boyfriend?" Tanya asked.

"Maybe," I replied, walking closer to the body and kneeling down. The back of her dress was torn, almost as if…

"I think she was dragged here," I said. "Whoever brought her here wasn't strong enough to carry her. And they were probably working alone."

"What makes you say that?" Edward enquired.

I pointed to the back of her dress, "Those rips didn't come from scissors or fingernails or branches. They came from gravel."

Edward knelt down next to me, having a look but being careful not to touch the body. He stood up and shrugged, "Maybe. We'll have to get forensics to confirm."

I stood back up just as a tiny woman with artfully ruffled ebony hair and bright blue eyes ran towards us.

"Sorry! I'm so sorry, I didn't hear my phone go off the first 10 times." She was carrying a heavy looking bag and plopped it and herself down on the floor next to the body.

"What are we looking for?" She questioned.

Tanya spoke, "We've got no I.D and we're not sure about cause of death. We think it might be blunt force trauma, but obviously you'd know better."

The woman on the floor nodded as she put on latex gloves and began examining the body. I assumed she was the M.E. I turned away from them as they chatted and searched the alleyway for any other clues.

Unfortunately, the alley was cluttered with junk, so even if our killer had left a clue behind, it was unlikely we were going to find it. But there were no bloodstains anywhere on the walls, no footprints, nothing.

I sighed and went back to stand with Edward and Tanya. I looked down at my notes and began writing down theories and the next steps we'd have to take. We'd probably have to stop by the local high school and ask the teachers if they recognised the girl. That wasn't likely to be a pleasant job. I frowned and heard Edward say, "You feeling a little queasy, Rookie?"

I replied in a cold voice without lifting my eyes from my notes, "I'm not sure about you, but I'm not exactly thrilled that a teenage girl is dead. But that doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of doing my job." I closed my notepad and glared at him. "I'm going to have a look around the street, see if there's anything that might give us a clue as to what happened. Let me know if you need anything." I began to stalk off towards the main road.

I heard the medical examiner whisper, "I like her." Edward snorted loudly. I smirked.

000

I got back to find the M.E. was still carrying out her primary assessment. Edward went off to get the records of students absent from the local high school. Tanya was stalking around the alleyway, looking for anything that might help us out.

When the examiner was done with her work she jumped up, took off her latex gloves, and offered me a hand, "I'm Dr. Alice Cullen, by the way," she chirped, "I'm the M.E. But call me Alice." _Cullen?_

I reached out and grasped her small hand, "Nice to meet you, Alice. I'm Bella." I said with a small smile. "Are you Detective Cullen's wife?" I don't know why I asked that. One second the thought was inside my head, and then it was outside my mouth.

She trilled a tiny laugh, "God, no! Edward's my brother," she giggled.

"Oh." A strange sense of relief coursed through me, and I wasn't entirely sure why. I furrowed my brow and got back to work.

"Tanya!" Alice called, "Could you help me get her in a body bag?"

Tanya huffed, clearly annoyed that she hadn't found anything, and nodded at Alice, both of them throwing on a fresh pair of gloves. I took a final look around before watching the women lift the tiny body into a bag. We carefully loaded the body onto a stretcher and into the van.

"FUCK!" I yelled, feeling like a total idiot. Alice and Tanya jumped, Tanya instantly reaching for her holster.

"What?" Tanya hissed.

"Sorry," I whispered, shaking my head but not taking my eyes of the security camera right in front of us. I pointed at it and Tanya turned, realisation dawning on her and a smile gracing her lips.

"How did you we not see that before?" She shook her head in disbelief, chucking slightly.

How was it not the first thing I thought of? Damn, I was seriously off my game.

"Come on," Tanya urged, tugging on my arm, "we'll be able to access the footage from the precinct." We decided to ride back with Alice since Edward hadn't come back yet.

"So, Bella," I almost groaned, anticipating what was coming next, "are you from New York?" Alice asked.

"Nope. Chicago."

"Oh, cool! What made you want to move?"

"Well, this is a really great job."

"Do you have much family back in Chicago?"

I had to think about that one for a second, "All my family's in Chicago."

"Brothers and sisters?"

"One brother." _Sort of._

"Older or younger?"

"Geez Alice, do you want me to run a background check for you?" I tried to keep my tone light, but I was worried some of my annoyance was seeping through. I liked Alice, but I didn't like question.

She turned from her spot on the driver's seat to give me an apologetic smile, "Sorry Bella, I'm just a very enthusiastic person." She shrugged.

"Yeah, I've noticed." I chuckled.

"And," she continued, "We're going to be working together a lot, so I really want us to be friends."

"Umm Alice," I began uncomfortably, "I'm not trying to be rude or anything, because you're a wonderful person, but I'm not the kind of person to have a lot of friends. I'm not very friendly, trust me."

She just grinned, "We'll soon change that."

She drove to the back of the precinct so we could help her unload the stretcher and take it to the examination room.

"I'll get fingerprint and blood samples up to forensics, though I doubt someone this young would be in our database." Alice frowned at the body bag, appearing to be deep in thought.

"When do you want us to come down for the report?" quipped Tanya.

Alice didn't look up, "It shouldn't take me too long. A couple of hours maybe."

Tanya nodded and said; "See you then," before leading us back upstairs.

"I'll have a look at any missing persons reports that have come through in the last couple of days, just in case Detective Cullen comes back empty handed?" I didn't want to step on her toes, since she was the primary on the case, but I still wanted to help out.

"Sure," she replied appreciatively, "I'll try and check out the surveillance footage and see if I can find anything." She ran her hand over her perfect face, rubbing her forehead hard, "There's not really much else we can do until we have an I.D."

As we made our way back to our desks we met with Edward in the hallway, who appeared to be struggling to carry a very large stack of documents.

"How many girls could possibly be absent from school on any given day?" He complained. I rolled my eyes at him but was secretly very satisfied to see struggling with anything. _Asshole_.

"That'll take you the better part of the morning to sort through," Tanya observed, "if you need a hand let me know."

Edward just nodded and we made our way to our respective desks. I started to boot up my new computer, realising a little too late that this was a completely new system that I was navigating through. Sure, I had used the national database a few times at my old job, but the New York database was set up very differently to what I was used to. And I always had Emmett to help me back home…

"Do you need a hand?" Jasper offered kindly, clearly noticing my distress.

I bit my lip, "Am I that obvious?"

He chuckled, "Not at all, I was just surprised that you hadn't asked for help until now. Our system is pretty confusing." He dragged his chair to sit next to me, "What are you looking for?"

"Missing persons."

He nodded, "You're going to have to open this tab here," he tapped my computer gently, "and select Missing Persons under 'Crime'."

I felt myself pouting, confused, "But being a missing person isn't a crime!"

He laughed again, "I know. This system is really fucking stupid. Anyway, once you've selected that you can fill in your criteria: age range, location, gender, etcetera etcetera."

I smiled gratefully as the page I was looking for came up, "Thanks, Detective!" I said cheerfully.

"Call me Jasper. Or Whitlock if you're pissed off with me."

I laughed, "Will do."

"So," he leaned back in his chair, watching me as I filled in the criteria matching with our victim, "what brought you to New York?"

I let out an involuntary groan, "Don't you have work to do, Whitlock?"

He snickered, "Sure do. Answer me question first."

"The same thing that brought you to New York, I imagine."

His quirked his eyebrow, "How could you tell?"

My shoulders rose in a shrug, "You have a tiny bit of an accent. And you're way too polite to be a native New Yorker."

Jasper gave me a wide smile, his dimples very prominent and very distracting, "I'll have to be careful not to underestimate you, Detective Swan."

"Jazz," came a voice from behind me, "Stop flirting with the Rookie."

I turned and saw Edward at his desk studying the documents he brought from the high school. Well, pretending to study them.

"You know, we'd I.D this girl a lot quicker if those files weren't upside down." I suggested, staring pointedly at them.

Jasper chortled and pushed his chair back to his desk. Edward flipped me the bird but turned the documents the right way up.

I turned back to my screen and began the slow, mind numbing work of finding someone that matched the description of our victim. This was the kind of work I used to rejoice in, something that I could sit and get done without speaking to anyone. But I found myself anxious to solve this case and to find out why that poor girl that had her whole life ahead of her was killed.

 _This was how it used to be,_ I remembered, _before he…_

"Bella," I jumped at the sound of my name, looking up to see Tanya looking at me apologetically, "Sorry. I just wanted to see if you'd like to grab lunch with us?" She was standing with Edward, who wasn't really looking at me but inspecting his nails.

"Umm…" I couldn't believe it was already lunch time, "Maybe not today, Tanya. I really want to get through these and try to I.D our victim. Thanks, though." I gave her a small smile.

 _Asshole_ looked up, "C'mon Rookie, take a break. We've all got shit to do."

I shook my head.

He turned to Tanya, "Let's grab some takeaway for her and we'll sit at her desk and eat. It'll force her to socialise."

"Hey!"

"Oh, good idea!" Tanya replied, and then gasped, "We should get her that chicken salad from Sal's! She has to try it, it's amazing. Do you think she could be a vegetarian?"

"I'm still here-"

"Nah, she's too pale. I can't even imagine what she'd look like if she was this pale _and_ iron deficient."

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go," Tanya finally turned to look at me, "We'll see you in a bit, Bella!" She waved on her way out.

I sat there in shock. Holy _shit_ these people were weird.

I heard Jasper laughed next to me.

I didn't even look at him as I said, "Did I say that part out loud?"

"Sure did, Swan," the amusement evident in his voice.

I sighed and turned back to my computer, determined to get as much done as possible before they came back.

Which turned out to be less than 5 minutes later. Tanya pretty much skipped to my desk, stealing Edward's chair to sit next to me, and plopping a container in front of me.

"I don't know if you're a salad person, but you _have_ to try this. It's the best salad I've ever tasted in my life. It's amazing. Try it. Please. It's great."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help chuckling at her enthusiasm.

"She's right, Rookie," Edward said while trying to push Tanya off his chair, "It's pretty damn good. And I usually don't eat green shit."

A very unlady-like snort escaped me as I tried to stealthily glance at Edward's body. Somehow I found it hard to believe he didn't eat healthy food.

They both made themselves comfortable at my desk, pushing files aside and depositing my keyboard on top of my monitor. Tanya picked up the single photo frame I had, smiling sweetly at the photo of Emmett and I as kids at the beach. He was a tall, handsome 15 year old, and I was awkward and gangly at 10 – all elbows and knees.

"Is this your brother?" Tanya asked.

I shook my head, noticing that my own lips had quirked up at the corners, "No. That's Emmett. He's my…friend."

Tanya raised an eyebrow, "Boyfriend?"

I looked down at my salad, opening the container to give my hands something to do, "Nope. Just a friend."

I could feel Edward and Tanya staring at me. I didn't want to expand. I just didn't feel comfortable combining my two worlds – my professional life in New York, and my personal life in Chicago.

"He's cute," Tanya observed.

"He's engaged."

She shrugged, "That's a shame."

"So," Edward began loudly, "Rookie, what made you want to move to New York."  
I swear to God it took all my self-control not to take out my handgun and point it at his chest right then.

And from the way he was smirking at me, I could tell he knew it, too.

"So, Asshole," I narrowed my eyes at him, "what's your deep little secret you tell all the girls to get them in bed with you?"

His eyes widened, his jaw slackened, and his fork dropped out of his hand, falling into the container he had just opened. At the same time, Tanya started choking on…her own saliva, I think. Her face turned red as she struggled to get her breathing under control. I gently patted her on the back, feeling _extremely_ smug and struggling to hide my smirk.

"Holy shit," Edward whispered. "H-how…how the fu-…what the fuck?"

Oh, I tried. I tried really hard not to laugh, but a sudden fit of giggles overtook me. His expression was simply phenomenal. If he wasn't such a dickhead, I'd probably feel sorry for him.

Tanya had finally gotten herself under control after having a drink of water. She stared at me incredulously before glancing back at Edward. A soft flush crept up her cheeks, confirming my suspicions. _They've definitely done it,_ I concluded. _And she wants to do it again._

He must be pretty good in bed to impress a girl like Tanya.

Edward was still staring at me with his shocked and confused expression as my giggles subsided. I could usually tell a lot about a person just by being in their presence for a couple of minutes. I'd been hanging out with these two for three hours, and I'd picked up on a lot.

Edward began shaking his head, tightly closing his eyes as though trying to rid his mind of intrusive thoughts.

"Rook- Bella," he corrected himself, opening his eyes and staring intently at me, "how did you…have we, uhh…met before? Did I…"

"Oh my god, Cullen, no!" He thought he'd dropped a line on me! _Jesus, how many girls were there?_ I felt myself shudder, "No, Cullen. I'm a detective _and_ a psychologist. I'm good at figuring things out."

He didn't seem satisfied with my explanation, gazing at me suspiciously, "Did someone tell you?" His eyes shot quickly to Tanya before settling back on me.

I sighed, "Is it really so hard for you to believe that I'm good at what I do?"

He looked wary.

" _Anyway,_ " Tanya tried to break the tension, "Let's talk about you, Bella." She turned in her seat so she was facing me. "Do you have any hobbies?"

I shrugged, "I like to read…"

"Great! What kind of-"

"People. I like to read people."

Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat, staring intently at his salad, his brow furrowed. Tanya nervously bit on her nail, avoiding eye contact with both Edward and myself.

Did I want to make them feel uncomfortable? Yeah, kind of. Then maybe they'd back off a little bit. Did I feel bad about it? I sighed. Yes, I felt bad. Tanya's a nice person, and she's making an effort to get to know me, which is incredibly kind and considerate. But at the same time, I knew that a forced friendship was just going to make everyone miserable, and I wanted to avoid that situation at all costs.

I didn't really give a shit about making Edward uncomfortable.

I turned to my salad, spearing a couple of pieces of chicken and _green shit_ and tentatively tasted it. I had to hold back a moan because _oh my god_ that shit was amazing! "How can chicken and a couple of leaves taste so good?" I groaned, and then froze, mortified that I'd actually said that out loud.

Tanya laughed delicately, "I told you!" She beamed, clearly relieved that the awkward moment has passed.

"Seriously, what's in this? It's incredible!"

"You'll have to ask Sally," Tanya said, "she runs the café across the street."

"I'd willingly sell her my newborn for the recipe." Well, maybe not my newborn. I'll have to kidnap Emmett's or something.

I continued to devour the salad as Edward and Tanya chatted quietly. Edward wasn't speaking much, but tried to remain civil. I almost felt a twinge of guilt for pulling out the big guns on him. Almost.

When I reached the bottom of the container I realised something, something that made my stomach churn; this was the first full _meal_ I'd had in months. I usually only ate bits and pieces; I'd eat half a slice of pizza or split my meal with Emmett, or only snack on something instead of actually eating dinner. But today, I ate a full meal. And for some reason, for a very terrible reason that I didn't want to acknowledge, that made me feel bad. I felt disgusting and dirty and guilty. I'd been here all day, joking around with my new colleagues, letting these people buy me lunch, teasing them and getting to know them…what did that make me? How could I forget him all day? How could I sit here being happy and content while he couldn't? It was unacceptable. It was wrong.

It made me want to throw up.

I stood from my desk quickly, ignoring the questioning looks of everyone around me, and almost sprinted to the bathroom I'd been shown earlier, swiftly depositing my lunch into the toilet bowl. I slowly slid down on the tiled floor, letting the back of my head rest on the wall of the bathroom stall. I took a deep breath to steady myself. I'd slipped up, that's all, it was just a slip up. I just couldn't let it happen again. I _wouldn't_ let it happen again.

I stood and existed the stall, walking to the counter to wash out my mouth and put some cold water on my face. I didn't look at myself in the mirror; I didn't want to see myself right now.

I walked out of the bathroom and vowed to myself that I wasn't going to let these people get to me. It didn't matter how great they were – and I had to admit, they were pretty great – I still wasn't going to let them open me up.

 **A/N:** Guys I can't even tell you what a bitch this was to upload. My internet kept freezing on me and the document wouldn't upload...it was a nightmare.

Anyway, let me know what you think! See you next Friday :)


	5. Probably Won't

**Apologies for the delay! A/N at the bottom.**

 **Things I do own: A barely functioning phone, a wonderful Mac, those woolly socks that are great for sliding on timber floors.**

 **Things I don't own: A moped, a selfie stick, the rights to Twilight and consequently a billion dollars (probably)**

Chapter 4

I made my way back to my desk, where Tanya and Edward were still sitting. As soon as she saw me approaching Tanya stood up, concern in her eyes.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"Yeah," I gave her a tight smile, "I just…really needed to pee." I couldn't work up the energy to fee embarrassed.

Edward's eyebrows shot up, but he gazed at me suspiciously, his intense scrutiny threatening to uncover my secrets. I quickly averted my eyes, looking down at my trembling hands and willing myself to still them.

"Oh, ok," mumbled Tanya, "Well, we just got a call from Alice. She wants to update us on the victim. Do you want to come down with us?"

"Sure," I said, and Edward stood up and led the way. I went to follow him when Tanya grabbed my hand. I looked up to find her searching my face for…what, I wasn't sure.

"You're definitely ok?" She finally asked.

I just nodded and attempted to give her a reassuring smile. She didn't return it but nodded back once and followed Edward downstairs. I let out a breath. Why did she care so much? We'd just met and we weren't friends; why does it matter to her if I'm ok or not?

I shook my head and dismissed her behaviour. She was just being nice. I'd just have to work a little harder to hide my feelings from her, that's all.

Alice was spinning in a swivel chair when we got to her, a pen between her teeth and an intense look on her face. She hadn't noticed us coming in.

"Alice!" Edward yelled, causing Alice to squeak and almost fall out of her chair.

"Jesus, Edward, that was so unnecessary!" She tried to steady herself before giving Edward a hard punch on the arm.

"Ow!" Edward yelped, rubbing the spot she had hit, "so was that!"

Alice merely shrugged and walked over to the examination table, motioning for us to follow her. Our victim was lying there, draped in blue cloth from the shoulders down.

"From what I can tell," Alice began, "Our victim is probably between the ages of 15 and 19, it's tough to pinpoint when it's someone so young. I'd say she's been dead for about 24 hours, but it could be less given the uhh…location of the dumping." Alice skipped over to put some gloves on before returning and gently lifting the girl's head, "Blunt force trauma was almost definitely the cause of death. There's nothing indicating internal damage. See the indentation here?" Alice pointed to the side of the victim's head, which appeared to have been pushed in with something triangular in shape, "That's what caused it."

Alice gently placed the victim back down and looked up at us hesitantly, biting her lip.

"Was that it?" Tanya asked, "No pre-existing conditions? Surgeries? Anything?"

Alice shook her head, still chewing on her bottom lip. "There is one more thing…"

"Yes?" Edward asked impatiently.

"She appeared to have, uhh… _waxed_ very recently. And from the irritation on the skin, I'd say it was her first time."

There was a silence, and then Tanya said, "You mean…." She gestured vaguely to her crotch and Alice nodded vigorously, blushing a little.

"Oh," Edward spoke quietly, "Ok."

This wasn't a good sign, and all of us knew it. And all of us knew the question that need to come next, but no one wanted to ask it.

I decided to bite the bullet, "Is she a v-"

"Yes." Alice said straight away, not even letting me get the question out, "And there was no bruising, nothing to imply and kind of force or anything. The only injury was the hit to the head."

That was a little bit of a relief…not much, but a little.

Alice, clearly uncomfortable with the tense silence, added, "I'll send up the report to you guys. It'll have all the information you need."

"Ok," Edward said, "Thanks Alice. We'll see you later." He reached over to ruffle her hair, but she gracefully jumped out of the way and smacked his hand.

Tanya chucked a little before saying, "See ya, Alice," while I offered a small smile.

"Found anything in the school records yet?" Tanya asked.

Edward shook his head, "No. And I didn't really want to show the administrators a photo of a dead girl, you know? But at this rate I might have to head back to the school…"

"I'll do it." I suggested. It might give me a little bit of time alone.

They both stopped and looked at me questioningly. Edward recovered first, "That's fine, Rookie. I'm actually pretty familiar with the teachers there so it might be better that I go." His tone wasn't unkind, just dismissive. And I was pretty sure I knew what he meant when he said _familiar_.

I shrugged, "Ok. I'll get on with the missing persons files. No matches so far." I walked ahead of them quickly, leaving them and their confused expressions behind.

The remainder of the day passed as it would have were I in Chicago. I was sorting through hundreds of files, trying desperately to come up with a match. Thanks to Alice's – no, thanks to _the M.E's_ report I was able to narrow down the criteria, but only slightly. I had gone back days, weeks, and now a couple of months, but there weren't any matches in this district or any of the surrounding ones either. I pushed back from my desk and sighed, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. I got up quickly and walked over to Tanya's desk. She was focusing intently on the security footage she'd gotten from the CCTV camera near the alley.

I didn't want to interrupt her, but she paused the video when she saw me coming, giving me an encouraging smile. "What's up?"

"Bad news," I began, "There's no missing person's file matching with our victim in our district. I went back two months but nothing came up. I also checked the surrounding districts but again, no dice. I'll keep my eye on it to see if anything comes up, but I'm not very optimistic…"

She scowled, disappointing. Her eyes were narrowed and I could almost _hear_ the gears grinding in her head.

"What do you think this means?" Tanya quipped, genuinely wanting my input.

I shrugged, "This is your case, Tanya. Go with your instincts."

She shook her head before I'd even finished talking, "I want to know what _you're_ thinking, Bella."

I huffed, frustrating, "There's only two likely scenarios I can think of. One is that she's not from around here, that she was travelling or maybe her killer wanted to dump her somewhere far away from where they were. But I honestly don't think that's it, because if the killer was willing to travel, why not dump the body somewhere a bit less _conspicuous?_ Seems like a lot of effort just to have the body be found."

Tanya nodded thoughtfully, "And the second option?"

I paused, "I think you know."

"I want your insight. It helps me think when someone else says it out loud."

I chewed on my bottom lip, before closing my eyes and forcing the words out as quickly as I could, "She knew the murderer. And the murderer is covering for her. That's why no one's reporting her absence."

"Ok." Tanya was calm. "Ok. That just means we need to find this girl's family as quickly as…"

"I GOT IT!" Edward yelled from across the room, his eyes wild and triumphant, his hair a frantic mess – well, more frantic than before.

He strode over to us, his smile threatening to overtake his face. I felt my breath catch in my throat.

 _What the fuck? Get it together, Swan_.

Edward slammed a piece of paper down on the desk, the gleam still present in his eyes.

"Her name is Lucy Diaz. Same blood type, same approximate age, same hair, same height, same everything! It's her! It has to be her!" He was practically bouncing with excitement.

Tanya and I examined the paper in front of us. There was a large photo of a smiling girl with long dark hair and wide brown eyes. It was almost difficult to compare the face of the lifeless body with this image, but I was almost certain it was here.

"Family?" Tanya appeared to be trying not to look at the photo for too long. I couldn't blame her. It's one thing to see a dead body and treat it as a mystery that needed to be solved, it was another thing entirely to associate that dead body with a living, breathing person – a person with a life and goals and dreams.

Edward rifled through some papers he had in his hands, "No father. She has a mother and a twin sister. Mum works at a boutique downtown."

"Can you get me the time the boutique closes?" Tanya's voice was almost a whisper.

Edward nodded and went back to his desk. I looked up and saw Tanya breathing deeply and closing her eyes. Her hands were clasped together tightly, but I could still detect the slight tremor in them.

"It closes at four, Tanya," Edward made his way back over to us.

Tanya shook her head, "Do you have the number?"

"I can make the call if you w-"

"No." Her voice was firm and her eyes flew open, "Give me the number, Edward."

He wordlessly handed her a small piece of paper, "Do you want us to stick around?"

"No," Tanya breathed, and then turned to the phone, quickly punching in the number as though worried she would loose her nerve.

Edward tugged on my elbow, pulling me into the hallway, "C'mon, Rookie. Let's go to the lab."

He wasn't actually touching me, just my jacket, but I still flinched away from his grip and pulled myself free. He gave me a confused look but appeared to shrug it off and continued to make his way to the lab. I followed cautiously behind him, keeping a safe distance between us.

"Hey, Seth!" Edward called once we'd entered the lab. Sitting on a stool was a very adorable Native American man who looked to be at least five years younger than me. He was very tall and clearly very fit, with glasses precariously perched on the edge of his nose and a smile that took up most of his face.

"Edward!" He exclaimed, excitement and mischief in his features, "I haven't seen your ass down here for a while! To what do I owe this great pleasure?"

Edward slid gracefully into the stool next to Seth and examined the computer screen Seth had been staring at before we came in. As they continued to bicker I took the opportunity to have a proper look at the lab. It was…small. Smaller than I was used to. There were some microscopes and other machines I had seen before but never actually encountered. Of course, most precincts wouldn't have a fully stocked lab, but this was New York: The city that never sleeps. I had just expected everything to be _more_.

"And who's this?" Seth's voice caught my attention.

I cleared my throat and walked towards him, extending my hand, "Detective Isabella Swan. But feel free to call me Bella."

"Or Rookie. We call her Rookie." Edward chimed. I chose to ignore me.

Seth's smile got impossibly larger, which made him look endearing instead of creepy, and he took my small hand in his large one, "Nice to meet you, Bella." He was so genuine I couldn't help but smile.

Edward rolled his eyes, "So, Seth, we need a preliminary report on our victim."

Seth slowly let go of my hand, ignoring Edward completely, and pulled out a stool for me, "Have a seat, Bella. I'll show you what I found."

Edward huffed in annoyance and I couldn't help but smirk a little. Clearly he wasn't used to not being the centre of attention.

I walked over and sat on Seth's other side as he loaded up the report on the computer, "There wasn't really much to find on our victim, to be honest." Seth began, "Obviously her fingerprints didn't match anything in our system. Blood work came back fine, no drugs or alcohol were in her system at the time of death. There wasn't anything worrying on her skin, also. There were some scrapes on her back and it looks like it was just from gravel, so it looks like your victim was dragged to her location, but probably not very far. A couple of miles at most."

Edward clearly expected a smug look from me, as he glanced in my direction with a small scowl on his face, but I didn't look his way, instead focusing my attention on the screen and looking at percentages and chemical formulas I had no hope of understanding.

"Her clothing was clean – no hair or anything on it. That's pretty much it, guys. If you want a full toxicology I'll probably have to send it out."

Seth pushed away from the computer and looked at us both expectantly.

"What about saliva?" I inquired.

Seth looked at me curiously, cocking his head to the side, "What about it?"

"There wasn't any… _foreign_ DNA in her saliva?"

"No, not from what I found."

"She didn't have any…I don't know, prescription medication or anything?" Edward appeared to be frustrated with the lack of information we had.

"Well, she did have a slight increase in hormones so I'd say she was taking birth control. Or, she'd _just_ started taking birth control. Levels aren't high enough to suggest she'd been taking them regularly for a long period of time."

Edward looked thoughtfully at the computer screen, deep in thought. She was 18 years old, so it wasn't _unusual_ that she'd be on birth control. It was a little suspicious, however, that she'd only just started taking them.

The vengeful boyfriend theory was starting to sound more plausible by the minute.

"Alright, we'd better be off. Thanks, Seth."

"See ya, man. Hey Bella! Feel free to stop by any time," Seth called as I walked out, giving me a wave. I gave him a tentative smile back.

"Tanya will want to know about the birth control," I told Edward.

He nodded, looking solemn, "It can't be a coincidence. There must be a guy involved."

"But wouldn't a guy be able to carry her instead of dragging her?"

"Maybe he didn't want to risk getting any hair or DNA on her?"

"Yeah, well, he did a pretty good job of that, unfortunately."

We met a very flustered looking Tanya at her desk.

"Did everything go alright?" Edward asked, concern lacing his tone.

"Yeah," she let out a deep breath, "Yeah, she's left work and she's on her way down now."

"Did you tell her…?" I trailed off.

Tanya shook her head firmly, "I just asked her to come in to answer a few questions. I'll get her to identify the body…later."

"Do you want us to stick around for that?" Edward suggested. Normally I'd be pissed off that someone would just assume I'd be ok with staying back late to make sure my colleague is comfortable. And I waited for the irritation to come; I'd never had to wait for _anger_ before, it was usually always there.

But it didn't come. And I found that I honestly didn't mind being here to comfort Tanya.

She looked relieved at his offer. She didn't even say anything before Edward nodded once and went back to his desk.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I'll be fine."

Did I really come off as that much of an asshole? "We're a team, right?"

She smiled beautifully, "Right."

I grinned right back. Just because I wasn't opening up to anyone, doesn't mean I had to be a douchebag. I'd leave that to Edward.

I went back to my desk and started scouring the Internet for anything I could find on Lucy Diaz, which took a lot longer than I had anticipated due to her very common name.

I had _just_ found her Facebook page when I heard Tanya's phone ring. She picked it up quickly, muttering something quietly to the person on the other end, before she got up and walked out into the hallway. Edward and I exchanged a look – _fuck, we're exchanging_ looks _now?_ – and we both got up and followed Tanya out. She was already at the waiting area, introducing herself to a short woman with black hair and sharp features. Her eyes were wide with apprehension, but her mouth was set in a firm line, making her wrinkles stand out and her face appear even more severe. As Tanya turned to direct the woman towards the interrogation room she spotted us.

"Mrs Diaz, these are my colleagues, Detective Swan and Detective Cullen. They'll be helping me with my investigation."

We politely nodded to her but she didn't alter her expression in any way, barely acknowledging our presence. Edward led us into the first interrogation room, offering Mrs Diaz a seat. Tanya entered behind us but didn't close the door.

"Mrs Diaz," she began, "We're just going to ask you a few preliminary questions before we give you any further information. We just need to confirm a couple of details, is that alright?"

The woman nodded curtly. She placed her clasped hands on the table and stared at them.

Tanya cleared her throat, "You are Natalia Diaz?"

"Yes." Her voice was low and gravely.

"You live at 12/27 Faulkner Rd.?"

She nodded, eyes still fixated on her hands.

"You live with your two daughters and your mother?"

"Can you please hurry up and tell me why I'm here?" Mrs Diaz hissed.

"I will tell you once we're done with the questions." Tanya's voice was firm, her expression neutral and unrelenting.

Mrs Diaz exhaled loudly, "Yes, I live with my two, daughters Maria and Lucy, and my mother."

"And where are Maria and Lucy now?" Tanya's tone changed ever so subtly, an anxiety and eagerness creeping into her voice.

Mrs Diaz seemed unfazed; "Maria should be home from school by now. Lucy is staying with her father."

"Does she often stay with her father?"

Mrs Diaz shrugged, "Sometimes."

"Have you spoken to her father?"

"We don't speak."

"Then how do you know she's with her father?"

"Maria speaks to him."

"Have you spoken to Lucy in the past couple of days?"

Mrs Diaz paused and frowned, "I think…I spoke to her on Saturday. Saturday morning, I think."

"What did you speak about? Did she seem happy or anxious?"

For the first time, Mrs Diaz's eyes shot up, glaring first at Tanya, then moving over to Edward and I. And all I saw was _panic._ Pure, unadulterated panic.

"No!" Mrs Diaz gasped, her eyes wild as realization filled them.

Tanya attempted to calm her down and softly said, "Mrs Diaz, please let us…"

But Mrs Diaz didn't let her finish. She shot to her feet and shook her head, her dark hair flying out of its bun, her movements frantic.

"No!" She yelled now, moving from the small table in the room and standing directly in front of us, almost tripping over her own chair in her haste. She pointed a shaking finger at Tanya, "You tell me where she is! You tell me now! TELL ME!"

Tears were pooling in Mrs Diaz's eyes and Tanya looked over to Edward for support. I'm not sure what she saw in his expression, but she gave a deep sigh and stood from her chair, putting a comforting arm on Mrs Diaz's elbow and leaning down to whisper in her ear. Mrs Diaz took a steadying breath and Tanya led her out of the room. I stood to follow them but Edward's arm shot out in front of me before I could get up. "Just give them a second. Tanya will call us when she needs us," he said quietly, his voice much rougher than the velvet I'd heard all day. I relaxed back into my seat, clasping and unclasping my sweaty hands and taking deep breaths.

This was one of the hardest parts of the job; telling unsuspecting family members that they'd lost a loved one. It was terrifying, watching a person's world crumble beneath them; pushing them off a cliff and watching them fall and fall and fall. Most people survive the impact, with a couple of wounds that would heal over time. For some, the collision was too much.

Some people never stopped falling.

But I couldn't think about that now. We had more important issues to deal with.

"We have to talk to the sister," I breathed. It somehow felt wrong to speak any louder than a whisper.

"Maybe Lucy never went to her father's. And if she didn't, Maria would've known," Edward mirrored my low voice.

"She could have been covering for her. Lucy could've gone somewhere else…to meet with someone."

"Someone that mum wouldn't approve of."

"Someone dangerous."

Edward's piercing eyes met mine, and they were reeling. We were close, closer than we'd expected to be. We'd identified the girl a couple of _hours_ ago, there was no way we could be this close.

But we were. I could sense it, taste it, _see_ it in Edward's eyes.

We were almost there. We just needed Maria to take us the rest of the way.

000

We returned to our desks, and Tanya finally found us over an hour later looking exhausted. She slumped into a chair between Edward and I, her face in her hands. Edward gently rubbed soothing circles on her back but kept examining the file he had in front of him. Edward and I knew better than to ask Tanya how it went.

We had heard the wails from downstairs.

Edward and I had decided to find out as much as we could about both Lucy and Maria. I checked out Lucy's Facebook page and found that she had a lot of posts on her wall. She was clearly very popular. Maria's page was – incredibly – harder to find that Lucy's; although when I finally did it was only to discover that it was private. The only image I could view was her cloudy, black and white profile picture; I couldn't even really make out her face.

Tanya lifted her head a couple of minutes later, "What are we doing?"

Edward shrugged, "Just some basic background on Lucy and Maria. We think Maria might know something."

"Ok, well it's 5:30. You guys should probably head out."

Edward didn't look up, "Are you heading out?"

"No."

"Then neither are we."

"Edward, don't be stupid. I'm sure Bella doesn't-"

"I do."

Tanya frowned at the both of us, then groaned and walked over to her desk. "We'll talk to Maria tomorrow," she said while shrugging on her coat, "And we'll try to find her phone and get access to her email, facebook, twitter, whatever we can get our hands on. We'll also have to talk to her father." She looked over at us and huffed when she saw we hadn't moved, "Let's go!"

Edward had a grin on his face as he gracefully skipped out into the hallway, leaving his coat on his desk. Tanya rolled her eyes and grabbed it, waiting in the doorway and looking at me expectantly. "You coming?" She asked.

I had two options now: I could walk out with them, which would probably mean being subjected to more questions than I was willing the answer. The other option was staying back a little longer and finishing up some work, but that chances of them letting me stay was slim to none.

I was going to take my chances anyway.

"I'm going to try and finish up some of this paperwork. I want to see if there's anything we've missed."

"Do you want me to get Edward?"

"I'm coming!" I got up quickly and grabbed my coat, barely remembering to shut off my computer.

"Are you always cleaning up after Edward?" I asked.

She grinned sheepishly, "Almost always. Someone has to."

"Is there a rotating roster that I should know about?"

Tanya chucked, "It usually just falls on the last person to leave the office."

When we got to the front of the precinct we found everyone waiting there, Jasper, Edward, Kate, Alice, and Seth. James stood sullenly in a corner, looking bored.

"So where we headed?" Seth questioned, opening the door for everyone to go out.

"Let's go to Carter's. It's closest." Kate suggested, "And Garrett's already there."

There were murmurs of agreement and then everyone began walking down the road together, in the opposite direction of my apartment.

"Um," I spoke up, "I'm just going to…" I waved vaguely in the opposite direction. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Wait, what?" Kate said, looking confused, "Dude, what are you doing? We're going out because of you."

"What do you mean?"

"Introductory drinks! Obviously," chimed Alice.

"Yeah," added Edward, walking up to me and plopping his arm around my shoulder, "We wanna get to know our new Rookie." He pinched my cheek condescendingly and I quickly slapped his hand away and extracted myself from his touch. _How were they this comfortable with me already?_

"It's been a long day guys…"

Alice grabbed my hand, her grip much stronger than I expected it to be, "Great, you can tell us all about it over dinner." And with that she dragged me behind the rest of the group as they made their way to a small Irish pub a couple of blocks from the station.

The pub was pretty empty save for a few patrons playing pool in the corner and a man sitting at the bar. The man had sandy blond hair tucked in a perfectly messy bun at the back of his head. He turned when he saw our group enter and smiled widely, almost running towards us before lifting Kate off her feet and giving her a deep kiss. I looked away quickly, but they didn't seem to care who saw what.

When the man finally set Kate back down on her feet she took his hand and pulled him towards me. "Bella," she said a little breathlessly, "this is my boyfriend, Garrett. Garrett this is Bella, she a new detective at our precinct."

He gave me a warm smile, "Nice to meet you, Bella," and then engulfed me in a hug.

I froze, shocked and extremely uncomfortable, but I couldn't pull away from the hug without looking like a douche, so I patted him gently on the back and timidly said, "You too."

He finally pulled away and the group made their way to a table near the back of the pub and close to the bar. Everyone chatted comfortably, discussed their weekends and their families and cases that they were having trouble with. They really were a _team_. They got along well and cared for each other. And it was intimidating as fuck, because it meant they expected the same openness from me.

Except that James was sitting in the corner, sipping his beer and devouring his steak without giving anyone any attention, and everyone accepted it.

 _Maybe I can be like that guy_.

"So, Bella," Seth said, and I sighed. It seemed like the only things that could happen after the words _So, Bella,_ were spoken were bad things. Very bad things.

I tried to hide my discomfort, focusing on the salad in front of me instead, "Yeah?"

"You're a psychologist, right?"

"Yep." I stuffed a huge piece of lettuce in my mouth. Maybe they won't talk to me if I'm eating?

No such luck, "How did you get into that?" Seth pushed.

I shrugged, chewing slowly to delay the inevitable, but Seth waited patiently, with a lot of the others politely watching on, "I took a couple of classes in college and found it interesting. And it fit in pretty well with the whole law enforcement thing."

"What got you interested in law enforcement?" Kate asked politely.

That was a dangerous question with a dangerous answer.

So I lied, "I think I just like the idea of speeding whenever I want."

A few of them chuckled and went back to conversing amongst themselves, but Edward gave me a hard stare. I looked away because _fuck him_ if he thought he could figure me out.

"How does your family feel about you moving to New York?" Jasper, who was sitting next to me, asked his question quietly, not wanting to draw the attention of the others. I did, however, noticed Alice sit up a little straighter on Jasper's other side.

"They're not thrilled, but they know it's a good career move." There. That seemed like a generic enough response. "How long ago did you move here?"

Jasper scratched his chin thoughtfully, "It'd be 10 years ago now. I moved here for college and haven't left since."

"Do you have any family here?"

"Nah, it's just me." He didn't seem upset by that idea.

"You must get pretty lonely sometimes."

He shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips, "I have the Cullens. They're the greatest family a guy could want."

I noticed a similar smile playing on Alice's lips, too.

"You and Edward must be pretty close."

His small smile turned into a full grin now, "Yeah. He's a dick, but he's my best friend."

"Jasper," came a high-pitched voice with a slight Southern accent. I turned and saw Edward fanning his eyes with both hands, "Oh, Jasper, you make my heart soar. You've brought this old woman so much joy and I can't possibly contain it all in this meagre body. I'm not worthy of your love."

Jasper threw a bun at Edward's face. Hard.

"Dick," he muttered, loud enough for to hear.

Edward flipped him off and stood to go to the bar.

"Rookie" he called over his shoulder, "What's your drink?"

"I'm not drinking. It's a Monday. And it's only 7pm"

"Shut up and tell me your drink or I'll get you some sweet shit that I'm sure you won't like."

I thought about it for a second, "You're buying?"

He rolled his eyes, " _Yes_ , I'm buying. Now hurry the fuck up."

"Hmmmm…" I placed a finger on my chin and narrowed my eyes in concentration. "Well," I said, dragging the syllable out and smirking when I heard the groan coming from Edward's direction, "I'll just have a Scotch and Coke."

Edward stuck his tongue out at me and placed the order, rattling off seven other drinks he must have memorised as the preferences of his teammates.

The drinks came, one after another, and I learnt a lot about the other team members.

Kate and Garrett have been dating since freshman year. They got engaged the day of their graduation but then broke it off.

"I'm not the marrying type," Kate slurred, "I just love my man _so much_. I don't need anyone to know because _I_ know, you know?"

I didn't know, but I nodded along anyway.

Seth had left our table after a couple of drinks and instead sat at the bar, flirting with the Irish bartender and only came back to sit with us after he had secured his number, giving us a goofy thumbs up.

Several men approached Tanya throughout the night, and I was almost surprised to see she gave her number to everyone one of them. She must have noted my shock because she leaned over and said to me, "It's a sexual harassment hotline."

Jasper, Alice, and Edward shared stories of their college days. Jasper recalled how Edward had once accidently dropped glitter in his laundry basket and hadn't realised until two days later when one of his lecturers said that his shimmering clothes were too distracting and kindly asked him to leave the class.

"Why did you have glitter in the first place?" I asked.

Edward shrugged, "I like to decorate my work."

"With glitter?"

Alice and Jasper were in hysterics, before Edward interrupted, "Hey! At least I didn't throw up in that biology class. Do you remember? We were dissecting an eye…"

Jasper's face paled and Edward grinned triumphantly, but he didn't stop, "And that lamb foetus we had to-"

Jasper was up and at the bathroom before Edward could get any further. Alice was now clutching her sides with tears running down her face.

"I remember that!" She gasped in between giggles, "And he came back from class saying he wanted to be a vegetarian and he went to your fridge and threw out all the meat!"

Edward laughed heartily, "But he kept the seafood! He said it didn't count because it lived underwater. What the fuck does that even _mean_?"

"Every time we bring it up," Alice stage whispered to me, "He goes off meat for a week. He can't even walk past the butcher's without going green!"

I couldn't help it, I laughed along with them, imaging a tough NYPD detective avoiding looking at any of the butcher's victims.

"What does he do at crime scenes?"

"That's the worst part!" Alice exclaimed, "He's totally fine with dead _human_ bodies. They just can't belong to animals. He can look at brain matter and blood splatters all day until you tell him they came from a cow."

"Please tell me we've stopped talking about this!" Jasper's voice came from behind us, his face still pale. Our laughs subsided once Jasper decided it was safe to join our conversation again. I did notice that he hid the rest of his chicken burger behind the napkin dispenser.

The only person I couldn't figure out was James. He sat and ate with the group, but he didn't say anything. The others treated him as if he weren't there; talking around him and ignoring his presence completely. I couldn't understand it – why would he come out if he knew everyone would ignore him? Did he even want to be here with the rest of them?

They ended the night early, thank God, because many of them were stumbling and bumbling. Edward had kept the drinks coming and no one wanted to be the first to stop drinking. I wasn't sure how they planned on functioning tomorrow morning.

Garrett and Kate bid everyone Goodnight and tripped over each other's feet as they made their way in the opposite direction to the rest of us. James gave a small grunt and followed them. Tanya hailed a taxi from in front of the pub and gave me a swift hug before sliding in.

"Which way you headed, Rookie?"

That nickname was getting old, fast. And it had only been a day.

"I'm going back to the station."

"Did you drive?" Jasper asked, "Because you probably shouldn't drive home. You've had a few drinks."

"I didn't drive."

"WELL," Edward exclaimed, his voice much louder than it needed to be on an empty street on a Monday night, "We're walking that way too! We'll go with you!" He draped his arm over my shoulder, leaning heavily on me, and stumbled towards the precinct, with Alice skipping in front of us and Jasper following closely behind her.

I tried to elbow Edward in the ribs but he wouldn't budge, "Get off me!"

"Nah," he pulled me closer, and I felt the warmth of his body through my coat.

"Why do you insist on annoying me?"

He leaned in closer, so close that I could smell the beer on his breath and a little something more – something musky and _masculine_. "The only reason I annoy you, Rookie," his mouth was on my ear, his hot breath on the side of my face causing me to shiver. "Because it's more fun."

I turned my head to the side, his face so close that I could see the golden flecks in his sage green eyes. His closeness should make me uncomfortable – hell, it _did_ make me uncomfortable – but not in the way I expected. "More fun than what?" I whispered.

He stared at me a little longer, his face soft and open. And then suddenly something shifted, his eyes hardened and his jaw set. He lifted his arm from my shoulder and roughly ruffled my hair. He pulled away from me and said loudly, "More fun than EVERYTHING!" He then jogged after Alice and Jasper, who were now much further ahead from us. I took my time walking over to them, taking deep breaths and trying to still my spinning mind.

"Bella!" Alice called as I finally made my way over to them, "How are you getting home?"

"I'll be fine from here guys," I gave them a small, reassuring smile. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Are you walking?" Alice's voice was incredulous.

I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes, "I'm a fully qualified detective with the New York Police Department, Alice."

She didn't seem to hear me. "You shouldn't walk home by yourself."

"Alice-"

"Jasper, don't you live in that direction? You could walk with her."

"Alice, please this isn't-"

"Yeah, sure I'm actually just a couple of streets over. I don't mind walking her all the way home."

They kept discussing it, but I couldn't hear anything. My lungs were suddenly tight, I couldn't get enough air in them and they were shrinking, constricting, cutting me off from life. I could _hear_ myself hyperventilating, but it didn't matter because the air wouldn't fit into my tiny lungs, they didn't want the air, and they didn't need it. My ears were filled with the sound of my pulse; fast, too fast. I could feel the cold air whipping against my flushed skin, but I couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything. I was drowning, and I didn't even know why. I couldn't find the surface; I didn't even know what I was drowning in. But I was terrified, _terrified_ , of this man – this man that had shown himself to be kind and compassionate – walking me home.

I couldn't. I wouldn't.

That determination brought me back to the surface. I took in a deep gulp of cold air and was grateful when I felt my lungs expand with the intake. I look up through wet eyes and saw that they were still talking; they hadn't noticed my momentary absence from reality.

I didn't say anything to them, but I ran and ran and ran in the direction of my apartment. I heard them calling my name, but I didn't turn. I didn't feel my lungs burn or my legs ache because they were carrying me to safety. They were taking me away from the unknown and the terrifying and the unfamiliar.

I didn't stop until I got up the flight of stairs and into my apartment. I didn't stop moving when I heard the phone ring over and over and over. I just walked straight to the bedroom and took out the bottle that I knew would make everything better, quieter, easier. I almost finished it and then collapsed into bed, letting the whole day fade into oblivion.

 **A/N:** I hate long author's notes, but I have a couple of things to say.

Firstly, it seems almost ridiculous to me that _anyone_ wants to read this story; so the favourites and reviews and follows have been a little bit extremely overwhelming. Thank you so so much!

Secondly, Tarbecca recommended this fic over at her campfire at A Different Forest! Did I tear up a little when I heard about it? Yes. Don't judge me. She publishes a weekly Fic Diving campfire where she rec's a whole bunch of new fics. It's wonderful, so check it out. Thank you so much for your recommendation, Tarbecca!

Also I'm so sorry I didn't get a chance to edit this chapter properly! I'll probably go through it at a later date and replace it.

This next week is going to be a little stressful for me, but I'll try to get the chapter up on time. See you all then :)


	6. Left to my own devices

**Disclaimer: Who's got two thumbs and doesn't own Twilight? *Points to self* This guy (girl).**

Chapter 5

"We're reviewing security footage from the crime scene and we're going to be in contact with the victim's twin sister. We've got her phone records and we're also going to try and get access to her email, social media accounts, anything that might be able to tell us where she was at the time of the murder."

Tanya's voice was clear and strong, but I could barely hear it over the sound of my ragged breathing.

"We'll also go to her school, question a couple of her teachers. Eventually we'll need to go back and talk to the students, but I think we should wait a little while. I don't want the students knowing we're investigating yet."

Marcus nodded, "Send Edward and Bella. Bella," Marcus addressed me, "It'll probably be good for you to become acquainted with a couple of people at the local high school."

I nodded dumbly, not fully comprehending what he was saying because all I heard was that Edward and I were going to be working closely together. Again.

After last night's freak out I wasn't sure how everyone's attitude toward me would change. The short walk to work this morning was filled with rehearsed excuses and imagined conversations:

 _"_ _I left the oven on…"_ Not very plausible, seeing as I'd been out all day.

" _I'm scared of the dark."_ More likely, but also incredibly humiliating. We'll keep that as a last resort.

" _I heard screaming from behind me so I ran to help."_ There. That wouldn't make me look crazy and it fit in with the whole "becoming a cop so I can help people" image I was working on.

I ran over answers to possible follow-up questions all morning as I sat at my desk and waited for everyone to come, trying to distract myself by scrolling through Lucy's Facebook profile. Everyone else finally began to filter in; Kate was sporting an extra large cup of coffee and grunted in my direction, James casually sauntered in, followed closely by Jasper and Tanya. As Jasper made his way over to his desk, I stood up and got ready to recite my practised speech.

"Jasper, I'm-"

He held up a hand and smiled warmly, "You don't have to explain, Bella."

"I don't?"

"No," he chuckled softly at my confused expression, "I know we can be a bit… _intense_ at times. I'm sure you were overwhelmed. Alice is particularly relentless and usually won't take no for an answer," He leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice, "I understand that you felt trapped, that you wanted a way out. And I know you're probably terrified by how open everyone here is. You want to keep your private life private, and you felt that your privacy was being threatened and that scared you. That's ok. It's all right to feel that way. Edward and Alice will back off, I promise."

"I…" I wasn't sure what to say. I was speechless. Because no one, _no one_ , had understood before. No one had so perfectly articulated what I was feeling, had so eloquently described the ridiculous thoughts that seemed so unjustifiable to me. No one had been this understanding and patient and accepting in a long time, not even Emmett.

And that was horrifying.

I felt like such an idiot for panicking last night. I felt so fucking stupid and childish and unreasonable and I didn't _want_ Jasper's compassion or patience. I didn't _want_ to see that look of concern in his eyes and the small understanding smile on his lips.

I wanted things to be back to normal. I wanted to come in, do my work, and leave.

Except I wasn't sure if I actually did want that.

Edward was a completely different story. He ignored me when he walked in, but he did flick a whole bunch of rubber bands onto my desk to entertain himself. On the way to the conference room for the morning briefing he followed closely behind me, practically breathing down my neck. When I lost my patience and finally turned on him to ask him what the fuck his problem was, he just shrugged and said, "Just making sure you don't run away again, Rookie."

 _Asshole_.

"James," Marcus' voice broke through my my reverie, "do you have an update on the drug bust?"

James gave a lazy shrug, "I'm waiting on a warrant to check the perp's house. It should come through today."

"Good. Take Kate with you." Marcus ordered.

James grimaced but didn't say anything.

Kate, on the other hand, spoke up, "Sarg, I've got a heap of open cases I have to get to. I've got more statements coming in about the mall robbery and I'm still working on the fifth street murder and-"

Marcus cut her off, "Kate, I need you on this." Marcus was firm, but not unkind.

Kate exhaled loudly, but nodded her assent.

"Any questions? Does anyone have anything else they need to discuss?" The silence seemed to be the answer Marcus was waiting for, and he muttered, "Dismissed" as everyone swiftly made their way out of the briefing room and began their work.

I slowly rose from my seat and dragged my feet to the door, but was cut off by Edward. He stood in front of me, arms crossed, blocking my path. I looked around and saw that there was no one else in the room. I took a deep breath – which did absolutely nothing to calm me – and looked up at him. His expression was blank. "Can I help you?"

"What's your hangover cure?"

I quirked my brow, "My what?"

"Your hang-o-ver cure." He spoke very slowly, exaggerating every word.

"I don't understand what you're asking."

He huffed impatiently, "You had six scotch and cokes last night in the space of two hours. I also saw you sneak a few tequila shots. Your blood alcohol level should've been through the roof last night but you didn't look even a little bit buzzed. And you look fine this morning which, scientifically speaking, you absolutely shouldn't. Are you drunk now?"

My face flushed and I felt an incredible anger, a blinding rage, course through me. Thank God the conference room was empty because I was about to pummel this fucking asshole.

"What did you just ask me?" My voice was low and dangerous.

His eyes narrowed in response to my tone, but his face remained impassive, "I can't have you putting yourself or this squad in danger. If you need to drink to get over your hangover, that's fine, but you can't do it here, or I'll have to tell Marcus."

I pushed past him, shoving him hard into the doorframe. I lowered my voice to a whisper, "Next time you threaten me, you should probably do it when neither of us have a gun in our pockets."

I was fuming when I walked over to my desk quickly, earning a curious glance from Jasper. I looked away from him – we weren't friends; he didn't understand me as well as he thought he did. Tanya came over and sat at the corner of my desk, oblivious to my anger,"So Maria's coming in today at around 1. Would it be alright if you observed from behind the mirror?"

"Sure."

"Great!" she gave a brilliant smile, as if I'd given her a million fucking dollars instead of just agreeing to do my job, "I'll also get you and Edward to go into the school later this afternoon. I want to have as much information as possible before we go in so we know what questions to ask."

I couldn't imagine sitting alone in a car with _him_. "Are you sure you won't want to come with us? You'll probably get a lot more out of a visit to the school than Edward or me."

Tanya looked thoughtful for a second, "I guess it just depends on what evidence we find. If there's reason to believe anyone at the school knows anything I'll probably come with you guys."

 _God, if you're real, please let Tanya come with us. And please strike Edward with a bolt of lightning._

"Great." My tone was unenthusiastic. I'd have to work on that. "Anything on the murder weapon?"

Tanya shook her head, "Not yet. Seth and Alice have been talking. Alice said she'd let us know if they have any ideas."

"So what do you need me to do?"

"I'm still reviewing the security footage. I spoke to I.T this morning and they're working on getting us access to Lucy's accounts. But I do have her phone records," Tanya handed me a very full manila folder that I hadn't noticed her carrying, "They go back about a year. Do you mind?" She gave me an apologetic look while I internally fist pumped. _Dry work, dry work, dry work!_

I had to hide my grin, "No worries."

"I'll check in at lunch time."

It _was_ dry work, and for the next few hours I was reading through page after page of numbers. I had cross checked the repeated numbers and confirmed that most of them belonged to family members or other students at the school. However, there was one number that wasn't registered in our system under any name. Exchanges with that number began only a month ago, and became more and more frequent over the past few weeks.

Thankfully Edward was out for most of the morning, so I didn't have to put up with his childish pranks or overall annoying presence. But even though he was _physically_ present I couldn't stop thinking about him, which made me hate him even more.

I didn't actually think he would go to Marcus or Aro – he had no proof and they'd probably reprimand him for making such baseless accusations…I _think_. On the other hand, I _was_ bothered by the fact that he was constantly undermining me and questioning my competency.

I also wasn't particularly thrilled that he noticed how much I drank last night. I'd have to be more careful in the future.

I just needed to be patient; I needed to prove to him that I was great detective, that I'm perfectly competent. Then he'd stop doubting me and annoying me and calling me stupid fucking names.

"Found anything, Rookie?"

 _Speak of the devil…_

I ignored him. I didn't expect it to work, but it'd piss him off a little.

I felt rather than saw him move closer and closer until he was right behind me. His face was right next to mine as he leaned over me to inspect the records, his hot breath blowing against my cheek, his musky scent pouring over me.

I wanted to choke him.

"Rookie," he whispered, low and husky, right at my ear. "Don't be mad at me because I figured out your secret."

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing.

"Actually," he kept whispering, "I think we should share this secret with the Captain. I think he'd be very interested to know, don't you?"

I didn't say anything.

He straightened up abruptly, but I didn't look at him. "I'm so glad you agree." I heard him say and peeked up quickly enough to see him stride over to the Captain's office without a backward glance.

 _In. Out. In. Out._ My breaths were coming a lot faster now, but I was honestly surprised that they were coming at all.

 _He won't do it._ Except he just walked into Aro's office.

 _He's bluffing._ Except I wasn't entirely sure that he was.

 _He doesn't have any proof_.

 _He doesn't have any proof._

 _He DOESN'T have any proof_.

I had to distract myself before I exploded. I jumped up quickly, grabbing the highlighted phone records, and set out to find Tanya and update her on what I'd found. She was in the break room, absentmindedly stirring her coffee while inspecting something on a sheet of paper she was holding up.

"Tanya?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to interrupt her.

She didn't look up for a second, still intently staring at whatever she was holding, but finally dropped it with a tiny sigh and turned to me. "What's up, Bella?"

"I just wanted to fill you in on what I found." She seemed agitated so I approached her warily, questioning my decision to come here in the first place, "It looks like Lucy exchanged several text messages with this unregistered number in the past month. They start out pretty infrequently, but she was texting this number several times a day by the week of her murder."

I showed her the phone records and she flipped through them, taking note of the number of text messages exchanged between the two numbers. "She never tried calling the number?" Tanya asked.

"She did call the number, actually. Once." I flipped to the final page, "It was the last call she made from the phone and the call lasted 10 seconds."

Tanya's eyes remained on the page, but they were slightly glazed; her mind was clearly far away.

"Could you find anything out about this number?"

I shook my head, "Just that it wasn't registered under any name and that it was purchased 6 weeks ago at a store from Steam Mall. It's a couple of blocks away from-"

"The high school." Tanya finished, her expression unreadable.

000

I sat behind the glass in the interrogation room, my knee bouncing fast and my lip between my teeth. I knew that it was important that we get as much information out of Maria as possible – _she_ would lead us to a suspect, _she_ had insight into Lucy's life that no one else hand. She was an incredibly important witness, and I didn't want to fuck this up because I too was nervous worrying about Edward's baseless accusations to focus.

Ok, so maybe they weren't _baseless_ , but Aro didn't know that.

No. I was going to do my job and do it well and then Edward would back off, right?

Maria, Tanya, and Mrs Diaz walked in to the interrogation room. Maria sat behind the desk and faced the mirror, faced me. Had I not known, I wouldn't have believed that Maria and Lucy were twins. Yes, Maria had the same long, dark brown hair, the same dark brown eyes, but there was something about Maria that was _harsher_. Her cheekbones were more angular, making her pale face appear pointed. Her lips were thin and pursed; her eyes were calculating and distant.

Maria didn't seem very happy to be here, but she also didn't seem _sad_. Not that I expected her to be – she'd probably still be in shock, the news wouldn't have settled yet.

Mrs Diaz sat next to Maria and held her hand. Mrs Diaz looked exhausted today. Yesterday her hair was neat and her makeup was immaculate, but today the black hair was left to hang on either side of her face, the bags under her eyes stood out against her pale skin. Her dark eyes were bloodshot, but there was no expression on her face; no sorrow or sadness, just resignation and acceptance.

"Maria, I'm going to be asking you a few questions so we can get a better idea of what happened to Lucy during those last days – who she was talking to, where she went, just some general information. If at any point you're uncomfortable or you want to take a break just let me know, ok? That goes for you two Mrs Diaz."

Mrs Diaz nodded, but Maria didn't move, didn't indicate that she'd even listened to Tanya, she just stared straight ahead. I shifted uncomfortable in my seat; it felt like she was looking right at me – no, right _through_ me.

Tanya cleared her throat just as the door next to me opened. I turned my head and stifled a groan as Edward sauntered in and silently pulled up a chair and sat next to me.

"When was the last time you spoke to Lucy?" Tanya's voice was gently, understanding.

Maria's was not. "Saturday morning."

"And do you know where she was?"

"No."

I couldn't see Tanya's face, but her voice was hesitant and slightly confused when she started speaking again, "Your mother told us that she thought Lucy was staying with your father. Do you know if that's true?"

"I don't."

"You don't?"

Maria's voice was harsh, cutting, "No, I don't know if that's true. I don't know where my sister went."

Tanya was silent for a moment, "Did you tell your mother that Lucy was with your father?"

Mrs Diaz's lifeless eyes moved from her hands to Maria's face.

"Yes, I did." There was no hint of remorse, embarrassment, no _anything_.

"She looks like she doesn't give a fuck," Edward said.

"Why did you tell her that, Maria?" Tanya's had an edge to it, a severity I hadn't heard from her before.

Maria made an annoyed sound, halfway between a sigh and a grunt, and finally, _finally_ moved her eyes from the mirror to Tanya's face, glaring at her, daring her to accuse her of something.

"Because that's what I always do. _Lucy_ goes out and _I_ tell my mother that she's at Dad's. It saves time."

"Did you see that?" I breathed.

"Yeah," Edward replied.

The way her mouth curled around Lucy's name… that was pure, unadulterated hatred.

Mrs Diaz let go of her daughter's hand and stood. "I'm going to sit outside," she said in a monotone voice, and left before anyone could say anything. Maria's expression didn't change – it was twisted with disgust and annoyance.

"Maria, are you comfortable with me continuing or do you want-"

"Just get on with it!" Maria almost shouted, a murderous gleam in her eyes.

"What the fuck!" Edward shot up from his seat, almost knocking his chair over, "I'm going in there." He stalked towards the door and I jumped up to stop him, grabbing his arm and pulling him back.

"You'll fuck it up! You'll fuck it up! If you think she's defensive now, how do you think she's going to feel when _you_ go in there?"

"I don't care," He growled, trying to pull his arm out of my grasp, still opening the door. "I don't _care_. She can't handle this. She needs help. She can't do this."

"You asshole!" I spat, letting go of his arm and pushing him away, "Don't fuck this up because you want to protect Tanya. She'll be so pissed if you walk in there."

He opened the door, but turned and glowered at me, not saying anything.

"You think she _needs_ your protection? You think she needs you to go in there and save the day? Be her knight in shining armour? Defend her honour? She doesn't!"

He still didn't say anything, but I noticed his fierce grip on the door handle loosen slightly.

I sat back down in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest, glaring at Maria and Tanya in the other room. I spoke without turning to look at him, "I understand your need to protect her. I understand that you feel that need to protect everyone. But there's a line – and if you cross it… _God,_ if she thinks you don't trust her, that you don't have faith in her, she's not going to trust herself either. Can't you see that? She's going to doubt herself and question every decision she makes and she's going to feel incompetent." I finally turned to look at him, but I couldn't being myself to raise my eyes to his, so I glared at his shoulder instead, "Trust her. Show her you can trust her and she'll trust herself, too."

Honestly, I didn't know exactly what kind of relationship existed between Tanya and Edward. She clearly wanted something romantic but the way he looked at her was…different. He looked at her like she was weak, like she needed to be shielded from the world. No, I had no idea what was happening between them, but I knew that Edward didn't realise how strong she was; he didn't see the tough woman that I saw and I had no idea why.

I tried to concentrate on what was happening between Tanya and Maria. Tanya had moved a little closer to Maria, so I could now see the side of her face. She didn't look frazzled or nervous, she looked calm and in control. I don't know if what I said got through to him or if he was just reassured by the expression on Tanya's face, but Edward finally released the handle and let the door swing shut. He walked over and sat in his chair, his breathing slightly laboured and hands in his lap, still tightly clenched into fists.

"I trust her." Edward's voice shook slightly and took on an accusing tone.

I didn't reply. He was lying.

"I…She's had a rough couple of months," His voice was much quieter now, gentler, "I worry about her."

"That makes you a good friend." And he was. "Don't fuck it up by doubting her. She's stronger than you think."

I saw him glance in my direction, but I kept my gaze fixed on the two women in the other room.

"I didn't tell Aro."

"I know."

He snorted humourlessly, "How could you have possibly known?"

I had to resist rolling my eyes, "Because you're not as big a dick as you pretend to be," I noticed his shocked expression and smiled a little, "And you care what people think about you – you don't want people to think you would deliberately ruin someone else's career."

He was silent for a moment, his eyes still wide and his mouth parted slightly, and then he narrowed his eyes and smirked. _The walls are back._

"I didn't know you thought so highly of me, Rookie."

This time I did roll my eyes. But I focused back on what Maria was saying.

"Friday afternoon, after school, she told me to tell our Mother that she was staying at Dad's. I asked her where she was going and she wouldn't tell me."

"Did Lucy have a boyfriend?"

Maria's face hardened even further, her jaw set and her eyes darkening, "I don't know."

Tanya raised an eyebrow, "Really?" She asked disbelievingly.

Maria glared at her, but Tanya didn't flinch; she just sat there patiently, waiting for Maria to speak.

Maria appeared to be thinking hard about something and her features softened. She looked down at her hands, before carefully clasping them and placing them on the table. She took a deep breath and spoke again in a shaky, unsure voice, "She was…a bit of a flirt." Her eyes remained fixed on her hands as she spoke, "She enjoyed attention. She'd fool around with a lot of different boys – boys from school or from around the neighbourhood…sometimes she'd find older boys at the bar. But that stopped about a month and a half ago."

Tanya was scribbling furiously in a notepad, "What happened a month and a half ago."

Maria shook her head, "I don't know. We weren't very close and we didn't talk about that stuff; but she mentioned another guy, another _man_. She said he was so different from all the guys she knew; he was smart and responsible and more mature than any of the guys she fooled around with. She was on her phone a lot, messaging him, sending him photos. I think…I think she was supposed to meet him for the first time that weekend." She finally looked up at and had a terrified expression on her face, "I think he killed her." She whispered.

000

Tanya came in to the room after a few more basic questions and sat with Edward and I. She rubbed her temples, looking exhausted.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked.

"I'm thinking," she sighed and looked up, "That the sooner we can identify that unregistered number, the better."

"It definitely fits with our theory," Edward contributed, "That there was a guy involved."

"It doesn't make sense, though," I retaliated, "If it _was_ a guy that she'd been speaking with, wouldn't we have seen some signs of…I don't know, passion?" Tanya hummed in agreement, so I continued, "And why would this guy speak to her for six weeks just to lure her somewhere and kill her? This guy that she'd apparently never met, that she was meeting for the first time over the weekend, talked to her for _six weeks_ just to kill her? It doesn't make sense."

"Maybe she did know him," Tanya suggested.

"You think it was revenge?" I asked.

She shrugged, "Maybe. Maybe this person knew her and wanted her dead, so they set up this whole thing just so they could get her alone and kill her."

"Who would do something like that?" Edward asked, frowning.

"Maria?" She recommended, and then looked at me as if asking for my approval.

"I think she's probably capable," there was something about Maria, something volatile and unstable that made me believe she was capable of anything, "But surely there would've been easier ways to get her own sister alone."

We were all quiet for a while, lost in our own thoughts and theories. When Tanya's phone vibrating loudly on the table we all jumped. She checked her phone, and her expression changed suddenly from exasperated to hopeful, "I.T just got access to her Facebook." She rose from her chair quickly, still staring at her phone, and walked towards the door, only stopping once the door was opened.

"Edward, I need you to check up on that number. Bella, check in with Alice about the murder weapon." She called over her shoulder and then left.

Edward had a bemused smile on his face, but he got up and went to follow Tanya.

"You coming?"

I was looking down at my own phone, which had been ringing all day but I'd stubbornly ignored it. Edward was waiting at the door, giving me a confused look.

"No, you go."

He looked like he wanted to say something, but he just shrugged and walked off.

I look a deep breath and pressed the talk button, "Heeeey."

"Hey? Seriously Bella, you've been ignoring me for the past 12 hours and all you have to say is _hey_?" Yeah, he was pissed.

"Sorry, Em. I've been busy."

He sighed heavily into the phone, "How are things?" He was worried.

"Things are…" I wasn't sure how to explain it, "Things are ok. Better than I expected, actually."

"Good!" I could hear the smile in his voice, "Do you like the team?"

"I guess."

"Don't sound too enthusiastic."

I chuckled lightly. I hadn't realised how much I missed Emmett until just now.

"Really though, how are you doing?" The noise in the background suddenly quieted and Emmett's voice was low and gentle.

"I'm actually doing better. I'm trying to be good, Em. I promise."

"Well, good. I'm glad."

"How are you? How's Rose?"

"Good, everything's good here. Nothing much has changed."

Of course nothing had changed. And while I knew that my life was quiet and ordinary, it was a different thing being told outright that your life had no impact on anyone else. It was strange and disorientating knowing that your absence meant nothing.

I didn't know what to do with that information, so I said, "I'm really busy, Em. I've got to go. We'll talk tomorrow?"

He seemed shocked by my abrupt dismissal, "Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry, I didn't want to keep you from work."

"It's fine. Bye."

"Make sure you answer you phone!"

"Bye, Em."

Another sigh, "Bye, Bella."

000

"So we're looking for something that has a triangular shape but is also very heavy – something like a steel pipe. But unfortunately that's about as specific as we can get. The were several hits to the head with the same weapon, all leaving the same kind of indentation. Almost all of the hits were to the back of the head." Alice babbled quickly and seemed in a rush to get me out of the room.

I scowled, "That's all we have to go on?"

She was apologetic, but she nodded.

"Size?"

She floated to her computer, "We think the width is about 4 inches. We can't know for sure, it could be more. But it's definitely _at least_ 4 inches in width."

"Alright. Thanks Alice." I turned to leave.

"Wait! Bella?" I stopped and saw her fidgeting.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say that…uhh…. I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you last night. I know I can be pushy," She gave me a sad smile, "I'll calm down a bit if that's what you'd prefer."

 _You're a shitty person, Bella_. I shook my head, "Alice, please don't change. I was just shocked, that's all. It has nothing to do with what you did, ok? Please just…don't worry about me."

Alice hesitated, opened her mouth a couple of times, but didn't say anything. She finally nodded with a small smile on her face.

I tried to return it; however, I'm sure I just looked constipated. I left before I could embarrass myself any more.

Halfway up the stairs I was stopped by Edward – well, not so much stopped as _dragged_ by Edward to the garage.

"What the hell, asshole?" I tried to pull myself away from him but he wasn't budging, his hand wrapped tightly around my wrist.

"We have to get to the school, _now_." His tone was serious and urgent.

"What happened?"

His eyes flashed with rage, "We got into her Facebook. That guy she was talking to? It was her _teacher_."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah."

"Is Tanya coming?" We got in the car and Edward quickly turned the engine on, backing out of the parking spot before I'd even had a chance to put on my seatbelt.

"She's gathering evidence. Even if we can't prove he murdered her, we should be able to do something about the naked photos they were sending each other." He spat the words out, a disgusted, vicious look on his face. His mouth was twisted and his eyes – his normally bright and lively green eyes – were dark with fury.

I sighed, "This is bad."

"Yeah."

"Are we sure that it's really his Facebook?"

He was quiet for a moment, "We have to be smart about this."

"Do you know the guy? Have you met him before?"

His hands gripped the wheel tighter; his knuckles turned white "I've come across him a couple of times."

"So he knows you're a cop. I'll have to go in first." It wasn't a suggestion.

Edward barked a sarcastic laugh, "Yeah, I'm going to let you just hang out with a potential paedophilic murderer."

" _Let_ me?" No way he was that stupid, " _Let_ me? Jesus, did you learn nothing from that interrogation with Tanya?"

He exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair, "Look, it's dangerous and it's not smart. We'll just ask him to log in to his Facebook and confirm it's the same one he was communicating with Lucy on. That's it."

"And what if he says he doesn't have Facebook?"

He didn't answer.

"Give me…fifteen minutes with this guy. Fifteen minutes and then you can bust through the door and rescue the damsel in distress, ok?"

He pulled up to the school, parking illegally on the sidewalk. He turned in his seat and faced me, holding me with his gaze.

"Ten minutes."

I huffed, "Fine. What's his name?"

"Mike Newton."

I nodded and got out of the car.

I could do this. _I can do this…right?_

Wrong. I was going to fuck this up. Royally.

I walked into the school office and approached the woman at reception. She looked me up and down, didn't greet me, and didn't offer me a smile.

I cleared my throat, "I'm looking for Mr Newton?"

The woman's eyes narrowed, "Why?"

 _Rude_. "In regards to a legal matter. I'm his family lawyer."

She eyed me speculatively for a second longer, before picking up the telephone next to her. "Mike," she said in her nasal voice, "Some slutty lawyer needs to speak with you."

I almost chuckled. _Slutty?_ She clearly had no clue. She put the phone down and I beamed at her, making sure to show all my teeth. Her eyes only narrowed further.

A blond haired, blued eyed man came rushing out of the hallway behind me. He wasn't dressed very professionally – dark jeans and a t-shirt with a band name that seemed a little offensive to me. His eyes were frantic, but when they landed on me they calmed a little, and a lazy smirk began to form on his lips.

I had to resist the urge to gag.

"I'm Mike Newton," he announced confidently, striding over to shake my hand.

I almost grimaced when our skin touched – his hand was warm and clammy – but I kept my face blank. "Mr Newton, my name is Miss Swan. May we speak somewhere more privately? In your office, perhaps?"

His eyes brightened and the smirk became more pronounced. "Of course, _Miss_ Swan. This way." He held out his hand and I walked ahead of him into the hallway while he followed closely behind me. Too closely.

"Just here, Miss Swan," he indicated to a door on my left and I entered. The small office smelled like burnt toast and permanent marker. He took a seat behind the cluttered desk and I sat in front of him.

"So what can I help you with?" He smiled widely.

I plastered a fake smile of my own on my face, "Actually I have to admit, I'm not actually a lawyer."

He smiled wider, "Then what are you?"

I took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting my elbows on Mike's desk, "I have a younger sister that wants to move to this school."

"Oh?"

"Yes, and I wanted to get to know the faculty a little better." My voice was low, my tone suggestive. I felt ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure I looked ridiculous, but Mike's eyes lit up so I must have been doing something right.

"Is that right?" He returned in the same flirtatious tone I was using, "Well, I'd certainly enjoy that, Miss Swan."

I widened my smile, but then hesitated and bit my bottom lip, "Unfortunately, I don't have time to get to know you _properly_ today. Would I be able to grab a contact number? Or add you on Facebook? So I can come back to you when I have more time?"

He gave me a smug look, "Of course, Miss Swan. In fact," he stood from his chair, "Why don't you add yourself from my computer?"

I walked around, permitting myself a small smile, and then opened his Facebook page. Mike sat on the other side of the desk in the chair I'd just vacated, leaning back lazily and watching me.

In the search bar I typed in Lucy's name. Nothing came up. Maybe he'd deleted her? I opened up his messages, trying to keep an innocent look on my face so I wouldn't make Mike suspicious. There were no messages from anyone named Lucy, but I did notice a message from…someone else. _Shit. Shit shit shit!_

I opened the messages between Mike and Maria. Thankfully there were no photos, but there was a lot of flirting – on Maria's part at least. But the messages between them had ceased several months ago. Why?

"Having trouble?"

Mike's voice made me jump, and he laughed at my reaction. "Sorry," I said sweetly, "I'm struggling to find my profile. Do you mind if I just take a photo of your profile picture and I'll add you tonight?"

"Sure," he said, still smiling easily.

I took out my phone and took my photos, and then jumped up quickly and made my way to the hallway before Mike could get up. "Thanks Mike!" I called over my shoulder, and half ran to the car, ignoring the sneering receptionist.

I almost slammed into Edward as I existed the school office, but he thankfully grabbed my shoulders before I could knock us both over.

"What happened? Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I tried to catch my breath, "Yeah, I'm fine. But it wasn't Mike."

"What?" He looked confused and frustrated.

But I was sure. Those instincts and gut feelings that I'd ignored and buried down for months were making their way to the surface again.

"It wasn't Mike," I said with conviction, "I think…" I hesitated; not because I doubted myself, but because I didn't want it to be true, and saying the words allowed would make them true.

"What do you think, Bella?" Edward's voice was soft and patient, now. It gave me the courage to say the next words.

"It was Maria."

 **A/N:** Hi everyone. I have something I need to say, and it's a little strange and I'm pretty uncomfortable, but I'm going to say it anyway.

So last week was a very tough and stressful week for me, hence the delay with the update. When I finally did upload the chapter I felt _so embarrassed_. I was so ashamed that I'd uploaded something so sub-par and ordinary and just _bad_. I was really angry with myself and I considered pulling the chapter and at one point the whole story. I felt like I'd let the readers down.

So when I checked FF a couple of days later and saw that people were _still_ reviewing, _still_ following, _still_ adding this story to their favourites…I can't even tell you how relieved and happy that made me.

I guess I just wanted to say: _thank you_ – thank you to those that have stuck around from the beginning and for those that are just finding this story. Your reviews warm my heart and your follows and favourites put a goofy smile on my face.

I'll see you wonderful human beings next week.


	7. Difference

**Apologies for the delay! A/N at the bottom.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did I wouldn't have put so many hot people in it. It's too overwhelming.**

They brought Mike in the next morning. I wasn't in the room for Mike's interrogation because I really didn't want to vomit twice in one week. I chose to observe while Tanya and Edward questioned.

Edward was vicious, determined to get every detail of the story, not satisfied with Mike's vague responses and half-answers.

"Newton," he leaned over the table, his face inches away from Mike's terrified one, "I have a mountain of evidence against you. If this goes to court," Edward held up the printouts of the conversation between Mike and Lucy, "You'll never work at a school again and you'll go to jail for a long time."

"But that's not even my profile!" Mike returned hotly.

Edward straightened up and smirked, crossing his arms over his chest, "That's not my problem. How are you going to prove it wasn't you?"

Mike breathed heavily, his face was flushed and his eyes were frantic.

"Mike," Tanya was sitting next to Mike and her voice was much gentler than Edward's had been, but still firm, "We know this isn't your profile and we don't want to hand this in as evidence. But unless you cooperate – unless you tell us _everything_ about your relationship with the Diaz twins – we'll have to hand this in, and the likelihood is you'll be the main suspect in Lucy's murder. Think about what that will do to your career, to your _life._ "

Mike looked on the verge of tears and Edward turned his head in disgust, arms still crossed tightly over his broad chest and leaning back casually against the door.

After a long pause, Mike finally spoke. "I…I never did anything illegal." Mike's voice was barely a whisper.

Edward snorted loudly, "I think we'll be the judge of that."

Mike glanced at Edward fearfully before looking down at his lap, gulping loudly.

"She – Maria – she would always stay back after class, ask me questions, talk to me. I never really thought anything of it. I thought it was a good thing; all the other teachers always said they had such a hard time teaching Maria, that she was always difficult and didn't appear to engage with the material." Mike looked up, his eyes desperate, pleading, "I thought I was getting through to her. And she was always coming to me with her problems and questions and I thought I was her…" He looked down again, his breath catching.

"Her friend," Tanya finished. Her voice was soft and understanding, a sharp contrast to Edward's still revolted expression.

Mike seemed to be encouraged by Tanya's tone, and he rushed to get the next words out, "And those messages…it started out innocent enough. We would just talk about nothing and everything and we were friendly and it was fine. And she was flirting a little and I…I flirted back. It was completely innocent. I didn't lead her on, it was just teasing and joking and it was _fine_. But then she asked to meet outside of school and I said that I would get in trouble if anyone found out. She kept pushing and pushing but I said no." Mike stared right at Tanya, "I said no." He repeated.

Tanya nodded sympathetically, "Then what happened?"

Mike's breathing became heavier, his forehead was glistening with sweat, his hands were trembling. He looked like he was about to pass out.

"I made out with Lucy," He looked like he wanted to take the words and put them back into his mouth. His eyes widened with shock and fear, as if he couldn't believe he'd spoken.

"What?" Edward sneered, moving from his perch at the door to tower over Mike's cowering form. "When?"

Mike was hyperventilating now. "T-two m-months ago," he stuttered. "I-I didn't know it was h-her. I was at a club and I s-saw a girl and we made out for a little while and then I was going to take her home b-but I realised it was Lucy. I-I was drunk. I didn't r-realise…"

The tears came now. And the sobbing. Honestly, it just looked pathetic. Edward seemed to think so too because he turned to face the two-way mirror, disgust in his expression once more.

The door next to me opened suddenly, making me jump. I saw Marcus making his way into the room, giving me an apologetic smile, "Sorry for surprising you."

I gave a weak chuckle in reply.

He came to stand next to me, observing the happenings of the other room silently.

Mike was wiping his running nose with his t-shirt; no one had offered him tissues. Tanya waited until he had regained control before she spoke again, this time in a much more cautious voice.

"Lucy was seventeen years old at the time."

It wasn't a question, but seemed to know what Tanya was asking

"I didn't sleep with her. I _swear_ I didn't!"

"How can you be sure?" Edward asked, still with his back to Mike and facing the mirror, "You said you were so drunk you didn't even realise it was Lucy. How can you be sure you didn't have sex with her?"

"I'm sure!" Mike said to Edward's back, "I realised who she was and I spoke to her and I put her in a cab. That's all that happened!"

Tanya put a hand on Mike's shoulder to calm him down, "Alright, Mike. I need to know if Maria spoke to you about that…incident at all."

Mike's focus shifted from Edward to Tanya, "No. She didn't mention it. I haven't spoken to her since the end of the last school year. She's not in any of my classes any more."'

"What are you thinking?" Marcus asked quietly.

"I think he's been framed. I saw Maria yesterday and I think she's definitely capable of something like this."

If he was surprised by the certainty of my statement he didn't show it.

"Do you think Maria will confess?"

I thought about it for a moment, "Possibly. She's malicious enough to want Mike to know she was trying to hurt him. She'll probably try and take him down with her, I think."

He nodded solemnly, "Well, that's a problem the D.A will have to deal with. Not us."

I hummed in agreement.

Marcus looked away from Mike and turned to study me, "How have you found your first couple of days?"

I almost sighed in frustration, but stopped myself at the last second, giving an empty smile instead, "Everyone's been very…" Very what? "Very welcoming, sir."

Marcus smirked a little, his dark brown eyes lighting up, "That's a delicate way of putting it, I suppose."

I was confused, "I'm sorry?"

His smirk was much more prominent now, "I have a wonderful team, and I think they're great…but they don't know how to mind their own damn business."

I gave a surprised giggle, because he was entirely right.

"It's true!" He continued, "Jesus, my first week here I couldn't get them to leave me alone. I think Alice even managed to get my wife's phone number my second day here."

My smile was genuine now, because I didn't know Alice well at all, but I knew her well enough to believe that story.

"How long have you been here, sir?"

"Just two years. The squad has been together much longer. The Captain got them all straight out of the academy and they've been together ever since."

That explained a lot, "It's nice, I suppose, that they're so welcoming to new recruits. I would have expected them to treat us like outsiders."

Marcus nodded in agreement, "They're a great group. They're intense, but their intentions are good, which is the most important thing."

I smiled politely and then turned my attention back to the interrogation room. Tanya and Edward appeared to be wrapping up. Mike stood and was ushered out of the room by Tanya before Edward walked up to the two-way mirror and knocked. "Come on out, Rookie!" He shouted without ceasing his banging.

I rolled my eyes and sighed while Marcus chuckled quietly. "You'll get used to him." He offered.

"God, I hope not." I replied under my breath, making Marcus laugh a little louder. Edward kept knocking until I opened the door to the interrogation room; then he turned and grinned at me, "Are you super impressed with my interrogation techniques, Rookie? Have you ever observed something so awe-inspiring? So remarkable? So impressive? So-"

"You've got lipstick on your collar," I cut him off, pointing to the spot on his shirt.

Edward spun around quickly to inspect the spot in the mirror. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for shutting him up.

I sat down in the chair closest to the door and saw Edward frown as he realised I was messing with him.

"That wasn't very nice, Rookie."

I shrugged.

Tanya came back in and began talking immediately, "I think we need to talk to Maria again. We probably have enough information to get a search warrant for her home and school locker, what with Mike's testimony. And we could probably use the fact that her own interrogation was so strange and she definitely displayed a potential for aggression and volatility. And the way she said Lucy's name! Plus we reviewed the security footage and we have images of a young woman of her height dragging the body to the alleyway. And I'd bet that we'd find the burner phone Maria was using to contact Lucy in her room or something. Maybe we should start there?" She didn't wait for a reply, "We'll start there. I'll get the warrant request going now." And then she walked out. I sat there, stunned, for a full thirty seconds, before Edward cleared his throat and followed Tanya out.

 _These people are fucking crazy._

When I got back to my desk I found that there wasn't much to do. Tanya was on the phone to the DA's office and we just had to wait for the warrant to be issued. I had decided to start on some paperwork when Jasper approached me.

"Hey Bella, you free? I'm going to check on a B and E and I could use a second set of hands. Shouldn't take too long."

"Sure, I'll just let Tanya know."

Edward, who was sitting at his desk and looking over case notes, said, "I'll let her know. You go ahead. Take good care of Jasper for me."

I put my coat on and glared at him, "Are you ever not listening to conversations you're not a part of?"

He didn't even look up, "Shhhh. I'm trying to listen to someone else's more interesting conversation."

I rolled my eyes and followed Jasper out. He headed towards the street instead of the garage like I'd expected.

"Umm, Jasper, aren't we driving?"

He shook his head and opened the door for me to walk out onto the street, "No, the place is pretty close."

"Where is it?"

"It's a couple of blocks away. It's at my building actually. I'd usually just hand this over to another officer, but I know the woman whose apartment was broken in to and I want to make sure she's okay."

"That's nice of you."

He shrugged modestly.

We walked in silence for the next couple of minutes before Jasper turned on to a street that I was very familiar with.

 _Oh shit_. This can't be happening.

"This is my building," Jasper gestured to _my_ building and took out a key to open the doors. "Mrs Cope – my neighbour – was staying at her daughter's last night and only got home about 15 minutes ago. She said her door was wide open even though she remembers locking it. The door was closed when I left this morning."

"What floor?"

"Fourth."

Someone was definitely fucking with me. I would've noticed if I lived next door to one of my colleagues, right?

Apparently not.

"God, I'm a shit detective." I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?" Jasper asked.

I just shook my head. I was either going to cry or laugh hysterically if I tried to open my mouth right now.

Jasper frowned a little but shrugged it off. As we got to the third floor I saw a short, old woman – probably around 70 – with dark red, curly hair, clutching a mobile phone in her hand and speaking into it softly. When she saw us approach she gave a relieved sigh and quickly ended her call.

"Jasper," she extended her arm and he quickly took her hand in his, holding on tightly, "Honey, I'm so sorry to do this…"

"Don't worry about it, Mrs Cope. I'm glad you called me. Why don't you relax in here for a bit while Bella and I check on everything?"

Jasper didn't wait for her to answer, just gave her a swift pat on the hand and pulled away, walking towards the stairs. I gave Mrs Cope what I hoped was a reassuring smile and followed Jasper. He nodded towards the apartment opposite mine – the door was still wide open – and we both approached it cautiously. I poised one hand over my holster; though we both knew it was unlikely the perp was still here.

Jasper held his hand out, indicating that he wanted to enter first. I nodded and followed swiftly after him, checking his right as he moved left.

The place was a mess. Drawers and cupboards were thrown open in the kitchen, there were scattered belongings all over the living room, and a bunch of linen sheets were lying on the floor in front of a hallway closet. Jasper and I pulled our guns out at the same time, holding them securely at our sides.  
Jasper crept silently down the hallway and I followed closely behind him. He looked back at me and pointed to his left. I nodded – as he turned right and I entered the room to the left, which turned out to be the bathroom. Everything was in its place; there wasn't the chaos that had been present in the living room.

"Clear!" I called out to Jasper

"Here too!" Came his reply, "But it's a mess."

"Really? The bathroom hasn't been touched," I made my way over to where Jasper was. He stood in a small bedroom, surrounded by a scattered mess of clothes, drawers, books, and jewellery. In the corner of the room a wooden dresser lay on its side.

"We'll have to ask Mrs Cope to have a look and see what's missing," Jasper said as he re-holstered his handgun, "Whoever was in here was looking for something specific. They wouldn't leave the jewellery otherwise."

He didn't wait for a reply but turned and started to head out, seeming agitated and nervous.

"I'll have a look around with her tonight after work, but for now we'll go back and file a report."

"Okay." I said quietly, following him out.

"I'll go get Mrs Cope. Could you wait here for a second?"

"Sure."

I stood outside the apartment and watched him descend the stairs quickly; his face was twisted with concern and anxiety. I recognised that look – it was an expression I was all too familiar with.

Jasper came back up the stairs, holding Mrs Cope's hand and speaking to her in a gentle, soothing tone.

"How about you stay in my apartment for now? When I finish work I can come back and help you clean everything up and we'll figure out what's missing."

Mrs Cope nodded gratefully, squeezing Jasper's hand tighter. Jasper pulled Mrs Cope over to his door and reached into the side pocket of his jacket. His brow furrowed and he began patting himself down, hands going in and out of pockets.

"Shit." He breathed, "I think I forgot my keys at the station."

"It's all right, dear. I don't mind staying home for a few hours…"

"No!" Jasper disagreed quickly, "No, just give me a second and I'll go get my keys."

"Don't be silly, honey. I'm perfectly capable of-"

They continued bickering but I wasn't paying attention. My teeth came down on my bottom lip and I suddenly didn't know what to do with my hands. I felt so out of place.

It was one of those _moments_. You know – _those moments_ where you have to decide what kind of person you are? Those tiny, seemingly insignificant moments that you just knew were going to change everything?

I hated change. I've always hated change. Because I'm a fucking coward.

But I didn't want to be defined by that anymore. I didn't want to be driven by fear and anxiety and self-hatred.

I also didn't want to be a dickhead.

"You can stay in my apartment, Mrs Cope." My voice didn't shake or waver, it was loud and clear. A stark contrast to the way my stomach was churning and the way my skin was crawling with nerves.

They both stopped talking and turned suddenly to face me. I didn't wait for them to say anything, just walked over to my apartment, took out my keys, and unlocked the door.

"There should be tea and sugar in the cupboard," I didn't face them as I spoke, directing my speech instead to the empty apartment, "I did some grocery shopping over the weekend so there's plenty to eat. Feel free to use whatever you need. There isn't a home phone so don't worry about any calls coming in or anything like that. No one should stop by so don't open the door to anyone. Make sure you deadbolt it when you get inside. I'll get Jasper to call you when we finish work."

No one spoke. The silence filled my ears, almost deafening me. Had it been seconds? Minutes? I had no idea; it felt like a fucking lifetime had passed. My lungs burned as I held my breath, waiting for _something_ to happen. Anything.

I heard a throat being cleared behind me, but I still didn't turn around. My hand was still tightly gripping the doorknob, my body frozen in place.

"Bella, was it?" I heard Mrs Cope ask.

"Yes." My voice was low and hesitant.

I heard footsteps as someone moved closer to me. I felt a small, warm hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you, Bella." She whispered.

I nodded, still not facing her, and said, "We'll be back at 5 o'clock." I pressed my keys in her hand and then turned and just about sprinted down the stairs. I didn't look in Jasper's direction.

I considered leaving Jasper there and heading to the precinct by myself, but I knew he'd try to catch up with me. That and I was tired of running away from things. I was acting like a child and I felt pathetic.

I stood outside my – our? – building, alternating between studying my shoes and scratching some nail polish off my nails. I heard him come out and walk over towards me.

"You didn't say anything earlier." He wasn't accusing me; he was just stating a fact.

I shook my head, glancing up at him. His face was blank; I couldn't read his expression. After a few seconds of silence he just shrugged and walked in the direction of the precinct. I trailed behind him.

"Thanks for doing that for Mrs Cope. I really appreciate it."

"It's fine."

He didn't say anything for a couple more minutes.

"I can't believe I never ran into you on the way to work," Jasper called casually.

"Yeah."

We remained silent the rest of the walk.

Jasper opened the door to the precinct for me and I went to give him a polite smile in thanks, but I was distracted by the scene that was going on in front of me. Marcus, Tanya, and Edward stood outside the interrogation room together, closely huddled and muttering in low, frantic voices. Tanya appeared to be distressed, her perfect brows furrowed and her lips were set in a small frown. Edward was shaking his head, his eyes flashing with anger. Marcus was the only calm one of the group, his face patient but firm.

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be a part of that conversation, so I started to walk past them, but Tanya noticed me and called me over.

"Did something happen?" I asked as I approached them.

"We got a confession." Tanya didn't look happy as she said it.

"Maria confessed?" I couldn't contain my shock; "I thought it'd be much harder to get it out of her."

"It wasn't from Maria." Tanya said quietly.

I narrowed my eyes, confused, "Who was it, then?"

No one answered. Edward still looked angry, breathing heavily through his nose with his arms crossed over his chest. Tanya and Marcus avoided my gaze, and they appeared to be having some kind of silent conversation.

Frustrated, I pushed past them and opened the door to the interrogation room.

There, sitting behind the desk with a signed confession and cuffed hands, was Mrs Diaz.

000

"This is bullshit," he fumed.

"I know."

"She's covering for Maria."

"I know."

"She lied."

"She did."

"About everything."

"Yep."

"Why would she do that?"

I sighed, "It's her daughter, Edward."

"And her daughter _murdered_ her _other_ daughter." He was pacing back and forth, hands in his hair and frustration on his face.

"I'm pretty sure she knows that." I'd come in to the break room for a coffee. Edward's pacing had made it impossible for me to leave. I'd been trying for the past 10 minutes.

He finally stopped pacing (but he was standing directly in front of the door, _damn it_ ) and dropped his hands to his sides. His shoulders slumped in defeat, "This is fucked up." His voice was resigned.

"I know," I said sympathetically, "but there's nothing we can do about it. The best we can do is hand over our evidence and share our concerns with the D.A. It's their problem now."

He stared at me pensively, his moss-green eyes intense. I had to look away – his stare unnerved me, and not always in a good way.

"This isn't why we do this." His voice was quiet but firm; a stark contrast to the frustrated ramblings of a couple of minutes ago.

I didn't reply; I wasn't sure how.

"We're supposed to help people. Protect people from the bad guys."

At that I had to scowl a little.

"You disagree?"

I shrugged, "I just don't think Maria's necessarily a bad guy. Sure she's volatile and vindictive, but so are a lot of people."

His face scrunched up in anger and I could sense a rant coming on, so I cut him off quickly.

"I'm not saying she shouldn't be punished for her crime! She absolutely should. I'm just saying she's no more of a "bad guy" than a lot of other people out there."

He didn't look convinced.

"Besides," I continued, standing, "this case is closed. There's really no reason to keep talking about this." I grabbed my now half empty mug and walked right up to Edward. I had to crane my neck a little to look him in the eyes; he was about a whole head taller than me. He looked down at me curiously, not moving, not reacting, not doing anything.

I sighed and raised my eyebrow, looking pointedly at the doorway he was blocking.

He still didn't move.

"Jesus, could you _move_ please, Asshole?" Could this guy seriously not take a hint?

A smile slowly spread across his face; a very _dangerous_ smile.

"Thanks for making me feel better, Rookie." He reached up and gently pinched my cheek, "You're so much fun to annoy."

I smacked his hand away, "Don't touch me," I muttered, averting my gaze to the floor.

An awkward silence settled over us. I could feel Edward's eyes on my, but I stubbornly kept staring at the discoloured tiles, fidgeting with the mug in my hands. I refused to look up – I didn't need to see the judgement in his eyes. I already knew I was a freak; I didn't need him to confirm it.

"Hey Bella," Jasper called from outside the break room. Edward stepped to the side to let him in.

I finally raised my head, "Yeah?"

Jasper looked at me curiously, his eyes moving between Edward and I. I cleared my throat and raised my brows, and Jasper's eyes settled on me as he spoke, "Mrs Cope wants to know if you like spaghetti."

It took a second for me to process that sentence.

"Um. Yes?" I said hesitantly.

"Is Shelley having a dinner party tonight?" Edward asked excitedly.

"Yep," Jasper said easily, taking out his phone, "But you're not invited."

I heard a soft gasp from behind me and I sensed Edward was going to start doing something stupid, so I quickly left the room.

000

When I got to my building I found Jasper and Mrs Cope had already cleaned up and assessed the apartment. They stood in the hallway, talking quietly.

"Jasper," I called when I saw him, "What the hell, why didn't you tell me you were leaving early? I would've come. I wanted to help."

He gave an apologetic smile, "Sorry."

"Bella," Mrs Cope said, grinning, "I made some spaghetti and meatballs." She seemed really excited about that.

I grinned back. I imagined Alice would turn out a lot like her, "Thanks, Mrs Cope. You really didn't have to."

"I was happy to, dear."

I was about to walk over to my apartment but hesitated, "Do you…Do you guys want to join me for dinner?"

Mrs Cope smiled warmly, her bright blue eyes twinkling, "Thank you so much, dear. I can't tonight; I'm staying with my daughter," she looked over at Jasper and then back to me, "How about Saturday night? The three of us and your friends from work."

Jasper nodded, "That works for me. Bella?"

Is this what progress looked like? "Yeah, that's great."

"Wonderful!" Mrs Cope exclaimed. She walked towards me, handed me my keys, and enveloped me in a hug.

I didn't flinch. I didn't tense up or freeze. I didn't pull away.

I didn't hug her back, though.

"Thank you for today, Bella. I'll see you on Saturday." She pulled back and held me by my forearms. A genuine smile graced my lips and I nodded. She gave me a quick squeeze and then turned to Jasper, "Now you, be a gentleman and walk me out."

Jasper smiled and linked his arm with Mrs Cope's. He called, "See you tomorrow, Bella!" and led her down the stairs.

I smiled to myself again and walked into my apartment. The delicious smell of basil and tomato filling me as I took a deep breath.

I couldn't remember the last time my lungs felt _full_.

I couldn't wait to tell Emmett about it.

 **A/N:** There's no excuse for my absence – the past month has been absolutely insane and I've barely had time to breath let alone write. I'm so sorry guys; hopefully I'll be able to update more regularly now.

Also – thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! Some of them made me laugh, some of them made me cry, all of them warmed my heart. I've never felt so supported in my life, so _thank you_ from the bottom of my heart!

I've decided to take some of your advice – I'm going to take a little more time between chapters, so updates will be fortnightly. Future chapters will probably be shorter – much like this one – because I think working towards a word count is kind of pointless and comprises the quality of the whole thing.

Another thing: this is a little late but Under Arrest is nominated for fic of the month over at ADF. If you'd like to vote for it that'd be cool, if not that's totally fine too! Voting closes tomorrow (lol). There are some really great fics nominated so I suggest you check it out anyway. Link will be on my profile.

 _Finally_ , I really want to hear your thoughts about this whole Life and Death thing. I'm curious to hear what the fanfiction community thinks of this. Would love to hear your thoughts :)

I'll see you all soon!


	8. Opinions

**Hi. I'm a shitty person. Proper A/N at the bottom.**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, I'd buy a diamond encrusted Jet Ski. But I don't own either of those, so that sucks.**

Chapter 7

"Shelley! My love, it's been a while." Could a person's voice be gentle and booming at the same time?

Edward leaned in and gave Mrs Cope a loud kiss on the cheek and thrust a bunch of flowers into her hands. She giggled like a school girl, her blue eyes twinkling. Edward gave her a sly wink and made his way into the living room where Jasper and I were already seated, plopping himself on the couch next to Jasper, nodding in my direction.

Alice bounced forward and embraced Mrs Cope warmly, a serene smile on her face, "It really has been too long," Alice said.

Mrs Cope whispered something in Alice's ear with a knowing smile on her face before Alice gasped and lightly hit Mrs Cope on the shoulder. A light flush made its way to Alice's cheeks while Mrs Cope chuckled quietly.

"Do you need a hand with anything?" Alice asked as Mrs Cope walked back to the kitchen.

"No thank you, dear. You go socialise."

Alice skipped over to us, gave Jasper a quick peck on the cheek, and sat down next to me, "Bella! How have you been?"

"Since yesterday?" I asked, amused, "I've been fine. What did you get up to today?"

She shrugged delicately, "Nothing much. I had a lunch date which didn't go very well."

I saw Jasper's head turn slightly in our direction, but he continued his conversation with Edward.

"Oh yeah? What happened?"

"Well," Alice turned to face me completely, lowering her voice slightly, "He's this guy that Edward knows from the gym. I'd seen him around a couple of times and he's kind of cute, you know? But he spends _all_ his time at the gym. Like, _all_ his time. So he's not…" She trailed off, chewing her bottom lip.

"Not the sharpest tool in the shed?" I suggested.

Alice nodded vigorously, trying to hide a smile, "Yeah. But I thought I'd give him a chance. At least I'd get free food, right?"

I chuckled, "Right."

"But Bella, he didn't speak," her face was horrified, "He spoke in grunts and monosyllabic sentences. He didn't ask me a single question, he didn't tell me anything about himself…" She paused and leaned in closer, "When he came to order, he didn't even say what he wanted, he just _pointed_ at it."

I gasped dramatically, clutching my heart, "No!"

Alice giggled and leaned back, "It's true! And I know he's capable of speaking in full sentences. I've seen it. But it was torture sitting there; I felt like I was on a date with a caveman!"

I tried to hold back my laughter, imaging little Alice sitting opposite a man with fur covering his chest while wielding a wooden club, "Maybe he was just nervous?"

"Maybe," she said skeptically, "but if he was nervous he wouldn't have tried to feel me up after lunch."

"He didn't!"

"He did," she shook her head, closing her eyes and grimacing, "Are all men that stupid, Bella?"

I smirked, "I think they are."

Alice sighed and fell back in her seat, "It's a shame they're so pretty."  
"What's pretty?" Edward asked suddenly, "What are you guys talking about?"

I gave him a stern look, "You have a serious eavesdropping problem, Edward. You need to get that checked out."

I hadn't seen Edward much since we closed the Diaz case and it was…oddly disappointing. If I was being totally honest with myself, I missed his teasing and annoying hovering. I liked that he treated me like everyone else.

And if I was being _really_ honest…I liked looking at him. Who wouldn't? Those gorgeous fucking eyes

He raised his eyebrows, "You're asking me, a detective, to be _less_ snoopy?"

I scowled. He had a point.

He shook his head incredulously and muttered, "Rookie," under his breath.

" _Anyway,_ " Jasper interrupted, "Bella, how have you found your first week?"

"Different." I answered truthfully.

"Good different?" Alice asked, her tone hopeful.

I thought about it for a moment, "Maybe. I haven't quite decided yet." Her face fell a little, so I nudged her and said, "But yes, I'm leaning towards good different." Her lips turned up in a smile again, and I smiled back.

"How is it different?" Edward asked, and I tried to hide my shock. _How_ was it different?

 _Let's see; I talk to people, I leave my desk for more than just coffee and bathroom breaks, I'm having dinner with my work colleagues, I haven't passed out from being drunk in the past four days._

I couldn't really say any of that.

"Just… _adjusting_ to being around a different team, I suppose. It's not a change one gets accustomed to overnight."

"You don't trust us?" Edward smirked, his eyes crinkling in amusement.

I threw my head back and let out an exaggerated laugh, clutching my belly with one hand and wiping a non-existent tear from my eye with the other. Edward scowled and looked around the room, presumably searching for something to throw at my face.

"What is this, Bella? I thought we were friends!" Jasper pouted adorably.

"I trust you," I assured him, "Him on the other hand," I pointed at Edward, who appeared to be disgruntled at the fact that he hadn't found anything to lob at me, "I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him."

Edward gave up his search and took Jasper's approach instead, pouting those _soft_ fucking lips at me, "Rookie, you're hurting my feelings."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop the small smile from spread across my face. I stood up and walked towards him, "Sometimes the truth hurts, honey." I tapped him on the nose with my index finger and then walked towards the kitchen, ignoring Edward's grumbling.

It took about three and a half seconds for the shame and embarrassment to settle in. I covered my face with my hands and groaned quietly. What was it about these people that made me act like…like… _fuck_ I don't know, like a human being? Like a person worthy of fun and teasing and happiness?

 _What's wrong with that?_

Everything. What kind of a shitty daughter would I be if I could just _forget_ and act like I was normal? Just ignore my fucked up past and laugh and make jokes?

I knew everyone else saw my guilt as unnecessary – people didn't go around hating themselves and dooming themselves to misery and depression every time someone they knew died. Then again, most people weren't _responsible_ for the death.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes and shaking my head. I'd had this argument with myself over and over and it was exhausting. I'd already decided; I was going to be nice and friendly and develop a good relationship with these people – a relationship built on trust and respect, because that's what you needed when you were working in a job like we did. But I wasn't going to give them anything more than that.

Yeah, I realised exactly how pathetic I sounded.

Mrs Cope was pulling a lasagne out of the oven when I walked in to the kitchen.

"Can I help you with anything, Mrs Cope?" I asked timidly.

She smiled warmly at me and set the lasagne down on the bench, "I'm just about done, dear. Just waiting for the garlic bread to crisp up."

"Do you want me to carry anything out for you?"

"If you would grab the salad bowl, that'd be wonderful."

"I'm setting the table, Shelley!" I heard Edward exclaim from the living room.

"Would you like a sticker?" She called back just as loudly.

I allowed myself a quiet chuckle and then carried the salad bowl out to the dinning table.

Dinner wasn't as awkward as I had anticipated. Only a very little amount of avoidance was required of me, which was a relief.

"How are Esme and Carlisle? I haven't seen either of them since that party you had, Alice." Mrs Cope asked half way through dinner. The women were halfway through their plates and the men were greedily inhaling their third helping. It reminded me of Emmett.

Those names had come up a couple of times throughout the night – I wasn't sure if Esme and Carlisle were people or loveable pets.

"They're doing well," Alice replied, smiling fondly, "They miss you a lot."

"I'll visit them soon," Mrs Cope replied, "I'll make Carlisle those treats I know he likes. Is he keeping healthy?"

Alice grinned, "Mom keeps trying to get him to walk every night but he's so stubborn…"

Their conversation didn't clarify anything, so I decided to possibly embarrass myself and ask the obvious question.

"Who are Esme and Carlisle?"

Alice's eyes widened as she turned to me, "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry! I didn't even… Esme and Carlisle are my parents."

"Oh." That made sense. "Do you and Edward have any other siblings?"

"No. It's just us."

"And you guys are pretty close, right?"

Alice scowled a little, "A bit too close."

Edward glared at Alice and began chewing his food impossibly quicker. He finally swallowed and pointed at Alice with his fork, "I'm a wonderful brother and the greatest roommate anyone could ever ask for."

"When's the last time you unloaded the dishwasher?" Alice quirked an eyebrow at him.

Edward leaned back, arms wide, and an innocent look on his face, "Why do I need to unload the dishwasher when I can just take my dishes from the dishwasher when I need them? It's unnecessary manual labour."

Alice muttered a quiet, "Oh, my God," under her breath and shook her head.

I looked at Edward in shock, "I mourn for the woman that ends up with you."

Edward grinned, "I made up for my lack of domestication in other ways," he raised both eyebrows suggestively and I rolled my eyes.

"Didn't you say you had a sibling, Bella?" Alice asked.

"Oh," I stuttered, playing with my salad and avoiding eye contact, "Yeah. Yeah, he's not…we're not related but we grew up together. We used to get confused for siblings all the time."

"Is he still in Chicago?" Mrs Cope enquired.

"Yep." I stuffed a large piece of lettuce in my mouth, hoping that would end the conversation.

I should've known by now that that method never worked.

"Emmett, right?"

Edward's voice shocked me and I almost choked on the leaf in my mouth. Before I could respond, however, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I muttered a quiet "shit," gave everyone an apologetic look, and got up from the table, walking into the outside hallway.

I was only a little surprised to see Emmett's name and I was tempted to roll my eyes at his timing.

"Hey Em."

There was a pause. "Bella?"

"Yeah," I frowned, "Were you expecting someone else?"

"No," Emmett cleared his throat, "No. It's just that you…never mind. How have you been?"

 _He didn't expect me to answer_. That's not surprising. I usually ignored his Saturday night calls.

"I'm all right. You?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. What are…what are you doing?"

I hesitated and my teeth came down on my bottom lip. I suddenly felt like a jackass having dinner with these people; an imposter. I felt even worse because I couldn't remember the last time I'd had dinner with Emmett and Rose.

"I'm…having dinner with some people from work," I whispered.

He was silent and I felt the hand holding the phone become slick with sweat. I couldn't hear anything from his side; just a long, deafening silence.

"Seriously?" He finally spoke. His tone was so incredulous and disbelieving I almost wanted to laugh out loud. As it was, my lips curved up at the corners.

"Yeah, Em. I'm actually capable of social interaction sometimes," I teased.

"Shit. I didn't mean…"

"I'm messing with you, Emmett. Calm down."

He chuckled nervously, "You sound different, Bella."

My eyes narrowed, "What are you talking about? We spoke a couple of days ago."

"I just…you sound like yourself."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"How's Rose been?"

Emmett sighed, but answered my question anyway, "She's really good, actually. She's loving the new job."

"I'm glad."

"Do you want to talk to her?"

"No," I answered a little too quickly, "No, that's fine. Tell her I say hi."

"Okay."

We were both silent for a minute; it wasn't awkward…but a little tense. I sensed that he was holding back, that he still felt a little shitty for asking me to leave. I couldn't blame him – he had Rose to worry about and his own life to live, he didn't need my shit dragging him down.

"Look, Bells-"

"I gotta go, Em. I don't want to look rude," I interrupted. I didn't want guilt or apologies or remorse.

"Yeah," he sighed again, "Yeah, ok. I'm…I'm glad you're…making friends."

"Me too," I replied quietly.

"Talk to you soon?"

"Yeah. Have a good night, Em."

"Goodnight, Bells."

I hung up and closed my eyes, taking a long, deep breath and leaning against the apartment door.

"Okay," I inhaled deeply again and tried to calm my thundering heart, "Okay."

The first, most basic step of therapy was to discover the patient's negative beliefs and bring them to the patient's awareness. The next step was to challenge those beliefs – convince the patient that those beliefs had no basis in reality. You had to change the patient's negative beliefs and highlight the positive ones. I had all the skills I needed to cure myself, to dig myself out of this horrible fucking hole I'd planted myself in. The problem was motivation.

And it sucked because Emmett – my best friend, my rock, the only person I had left in this world – should have been motivation enough. His asking – no, _begging_ me to get better, to try harder, _should_ have been enough.

But it wasn't. And that made me a shitty friend and I fucking hated myself for that.

I took another deep breath. And another. And another.

I grabbed the door handle on my final exhale and opened my eyes. I had two options: One was so wildly unattractive that I really didn't want to consider it, and one that would break me – destroy me so thoroughly that this hole wouldn't be a hole anymore, it'd be a fucking grave.

For now, though, I was going to try my best to enjoy dinner.

0000

A knock at my door woke me up; well, not exactly 'woke me,' but just gave me a reason to open my eyes. I turned to look at my bedside clock.

 _Who the fuck would be at my door at 8a.m. on a Sunday_?

The only things I could come up with were girl scouts or annoying neighbours.

 _Or Emmett._

Maybe my having dinner with a bunch of virtual strangers scared him? It wouldn't surprise me. If someone had told me I'd be having dinner with my new work colleagues and neighbours on a Saturday night I…I wouldn't have laughed, but I probably would've questioned the person's sanity.

Another knock came – quiet and timid. I wasn't suspicious, but I grabbed my handgun and tucked it in to the back of my pyjama pants, keeping my right hand on it.

I made my way to the door quickly and looked through the peephole. Nothing prepared me for what I saw.

I quickly opened the door.

"Alice?"

"Hey," she smiled shyly, and then glanced at my attire, "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No," I let my hand fall from its perch on my gun and tried to discreetly fix my hair and wipe the sleep from my eyes, "No, I was just…lounging. What's up?"

"Do you wanna have breakfast?"

I stopped rubbing my eyes and looked at her curiously, "What?"

"Edward and Jasper are hanging out across the hall and I don't really feel like sitting with them while they dissect the last whatever-sports-match-was-on and then I remembered that you lived here and I wasn't sure whether or not or if you had plans and I know you're new to the city and that you probably don't know a lot of people around here and honestly I don't really have a lot of female friends and I really hate that and I really want to be able to hang out with a girl that isn't using my friendship to get with my brother or his best friend and you seem like a really great person and do you want to have breakfast with me?"

I stared at Alice in shock for a moment. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and I wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or from the fact that she'd just spoken about a hundred words without taking a breath.

"You want to have breakfast?" I asked slowly.

She nodded quickly, and then began babbling again, "Or if you don't do breakfast we can just get a coffee or go for a walk or hang around here or…not." She giggled nervously and looked away from me.

I stepped back and opened my door a little wider, "Do you want to come in while I get ready?"

Her eyes snapped back up to me in shock and her mouth parted a little. She looked like a cartoon character and I almost laughed aloud, until I realised that _she expected me to say no._

She expected me to say no but she still came by and asked.

A warmth began to spread through me – a kind of lightness that made my chest expand and my breath come a little easier. I didn't want to examine it too closely now, but my instincts were telling me that hanging out with Alice would be a very, _very_ good thing.

She was still gaping at me, her mouth opening and closing like a fish, so I gently took her hand and pulled her into the apartment. I closed the door behind her and gestured vaguely towards the living room before turning to my bedroom to get ready. I brushed my hair and teeth in record time, and barely paid attention to what clothes I threw on but just prayed that they matched.

When I went back to the living room I found Alice sitting on the very edge of one of my armchairs, her back straight and her shoulders tense. When she saw me coming she jumped up and smiled at me.

"Sorry I was acting weird before. I wasn't really expecting you to say yes." She shrugged and began fidgeting.

"Neither was I," I replied honestly, and then smiled back at her, "You going to show me where the good food places are or what?"

"Bossy," she muttered, and bounced forward to take my hand and drag me out of the apartment, "I'm just going to grab my stuff and let Edward know."

"Do I have to talk to him?"

She giggled, "No. Just wait here, I'll be half a second."

Ten minutes later we were walking a small café not far from the precinct. The jangling of a bell announced our entry.

"Oh wow, it's pretty empty in here," Alice observed. There was only one other person inside – a girl of about eighteen years with long, copper curls sitting by the window. Something about her seemed vaguely familiar.

"Yeah, because most people aren't awake before midday on a Sunday, Alice."

She grinned sheepishly and led me over to a booth in the back corner of the café.

"They have really good waffles here," she said as we picked up our menus, "and a great Eggs Benedict if that's your thing."

I looked up and noticed that Alice appeared to be trying to hide her smile – she was biting down hard on her lip, but the corners of her mouth were still turned up. It was nice that something so small – me agreeing to have breakfast with her – could make her so happy. I only hoped I wouldn't disappoint her. I expected I would.

A young woman came to take our order; Alice got the Eggs Benedict while I settled for banana bread. We fell into a not altogether uncomfortable silence, but I sensed Alice was holding back slightly, wanting me to start the conversation so that she wouldn't appear pushy. I hadn't forgotten the freak out from the other day, and I suspected she hadn't either.

"So," I started, "you don't have a lot of female friends?" It wasn't the most comfortable topic, but she had brought it up earlier.

Alice looked down at her hands, "Yeah. I've…Most of my friends now are in relationships, which makes it…" she exhaled in frustration, "It's just hard to know whether people want to be friends with _me_ or if they want…other things."

"It must have been tough growing up with that."

She shrugged and looked up at me, smiling sadly, "A little. It got harder when we got to college and Jasper joined our group. I mean, I wouldn't trade my relationship with them for anything…I just wish I had learnt a little earlier that people would use me to get to them."

I frowned, "Did that happen often?"

She shrugged, "A couple of times."

"I'm really sorry that happened, Alice," I said lamely.

She shrugged again, but her smile became more genuine, "It's okay. I mean…it's not _okay_ , but it's better now."

Our food came and Alice quickly dug in, scooping food into her mouth at a rate I've only seen Emmett rival.

"Hungry?" I muttered as I buttered my banana bread. She just grinned at me around massive bites of runny eggs.

We ate in silence and I found that I was… _comfortable_ around Alice. Things were very easy. When I'd first met her she seemed very overbearing and pushy, and while I could still see that side of her, I knew now that it wasn't conscious on her part…she just craved companionship. The fact that she wanted it with me scared the absolute fuck out of me, but it also made me very grateful.

She deserved happiness and a trustworthy friend, and I was going to try my best to give that to her.

I noticed the copper-haired girl by the window sneaking glances at us, though she tried to be inconspicuous. She'd finished her coffee about 15 minutes ago but remained in her seat, pretending to read a book while periodically peeking at us or looking out the window, appearing to inspect something across the road. I didn't pay her much attention, but kept an eye on her just in case.

"Were you born in Chicago, Bella?" Alice asked after we finished our meals and were sipping on our coffees.

"No, I was born in Washington. I moved to Chicago for college," I frowned a little – I gave more information than I normally would have. _Strange_.

"Do you miss it?"

"Chicago or Washington?"

"Either one." Alice leaned forward in anticipation, an inquisitive look on her face. She then seemed to catch herself and leaned back again, taking a long sip of her coffee.

"I miss the people, I guess. The cities don't really mean much to me." I took a deep breath and reached out and held Alice's hand, which sat on top of the table, "Thanks, by the way," I mumbled.

She looked shocked but smiled, "What for?"

"For respecting my boundaries. For not pushing. For trying. Not a lot of people would bother," I gave her hand a squeeze and then pulled away, leaning back in my seat, "You don't have to watch yourself so much, though. I think I'm comfortable enough with you now to tell you to back off."

She laughed her delicate, tinkling laugh, "You're real. I like that."

I smirked, "I live to please."

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and turned to see the copper-haired unabashedly staring at Alice and I. She didn't look malicious, merely curious. When she found my staring back she quirked an eyebrow, winked, and then walked out of the café. I stared after her, trying to commit her appearance to memory.

"Are you all right, Bella?" Alice asked nervously.

"Huh?" I turned back to Alice and shook my head to clear my muddied thoughts, "Yeah, sorry. I thought I saw someone I knew."

"Oh, okay. Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." We paid for our food and walked out onto the cold New York street.

"Fuck, it's freezing!" I rubbed my hands together, trying to warm them, "Do you want to just head back? I think my nose is going to fall off in this cold."

Alice nodded and we walked briskly to the apartment. I tried to surreptitiously look around and see if I could spot the girl from the café, but after a couple of blocks I concluded that she'd walked in the opposite direction.

"Are you doing anything for the rest of the day?" Alice asked as we walked into the warmth of my building.

"I have a couple of boxes I need to unpack. And I'll need to do some shopping eventually – I'm running out of work appropriate attire."

I headed towards the stairs but noticed Alice wasn't with me. I looked back and saw her frozen at the building entrance.

"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned.

Alice stared at me with her huge blue eyes, "You need to go shopping?" And then her lips spread into an enormous smile that engulfed half her face, "I can help with that!"

I raised my brows, "Really?" Shopping was something I got excited about when I was eighteen and wasn't spending my own money, not when I was a self-reliant adult.

Alice's smile fell and she looked thoughtful for a moment, "Actually, this might be one of those times I need you to tell me to back off."

We started towards the stairs, "Why?"

"I'm a little bit…enthusiastic towards shopping."

"More enthusiastic than you are normally?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes," she replied seriously.

"Honestly Alice? I don't do a lot of shopping so I'm likely to frustrate you more than you'll frustrate me."

"Somehow I doubt that, Bella."

"I'd actually love it if you helped me do some shopping," I said as we approached my door, "Maybe not today, because I've got other stuff to do. Does next Saturday work for you?"

Alice could barely contain her grin, and she nodded enthusiastically. I couldn't help but smile back.

Before I could unlock my door, Jasper's apartment door opened and Edward stumbled out, rubbing his eyes and looking like he'd just woken up. His hair was even messier than usual, sticking up in every direction and impossible to contain, and his sweatpants sat low on his hips, revealing a delicious sliver of skin just above his…

 _Fuck! Focus, Swan._

"G'morning Rookie." Edward mumbled, his voice husky and rough with sleep.

I cleared my throat, "Morning, Asshole. Didn't get much beauty sleep last night?"

"Yeah, because this one woke me up at the ass crack of dawn," he grunted, thrusting his thumb in Alice's direction.

I tilted my head slightly, "Why?"

Alice shot Edward a look that he either didn't see or chose to ignore, "So she'd have an excuse to ask you out. 'Oh, Edward and I just happened to be here. I didn't plan this at all; I'm here with my brother. I promise.'" He poorly imitated Alice's voice while she groaned and buried her face in her hands.

I shook my head in exasperation, "You Cullens are insane." I unlocked my door and walked in, "I'll see you tomorrow." Alice waved and started towards Jasper's apartment.

"Hey Rookie!" Edward called before I could close the door behind me.

I sighed, "Yes?"

"Do you have any coffee? Jasper's all out and I need at least half a litre of caffeine inside of me."

I turned to face him and crossed my arms, leaning back against the doorway, "Why would I give you my precious, delicious, medium blend coffee?"

He rubbed his right temple and closed his eyes, "Please, Rookie? I'm getting a migraine here."

"I'll give you my coffee if you promise not to call me Rookie."

His eyes snapped back open and narrowed, "You don't fight fair."

I shrugged, "I'll see you later th-"

"Fine!" He exclaimed.

I chuckled and led the way to my kitchen, taking out the still unopened coffee jar. I could hear him following me, but when I turned around he was much closer than I expected him to be. I almost fell into his chest, but luckily his reflexes were fast and he gently grasped me by the shoulders to stop me from tripping. I felt the tips of my ears burn and I took a cautious step back from him. His hands fell back to his sides.

"Umm…" I began, my mouth suddenly dry. I kept my eyes on his chest, and held out the jar. I felt him take hold of it and I pulled back slightly, finally looking up into his eyes.

"No more 'Rookie'?" I clarified.

The corner of his lip turned up in a crooked grin, "Never again."

I narrowed my eyes, and then nodded once, letting him take the jar from me.

"Thanks, Swan," he said lightly, grinning more widely now.

"You're welcome, Cullen. Close the door on your way out, please."

He did a little salute and then sauntered towards the door, closing it gently behind him.

I checked the time on my phone and groaned.

How the fuck was it only 9:30?

000

I stood to the side of the counter, waiting for my order. I'd discovered that there were about twenty coffee shops on every street in New York, but this one was the closest to work and never had more than three people waiting in line.

I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings, and I zoned out while staring at a stray dog across the street. I sensed a sudden movement to my right and I moved slightly, assuming someone was trying to walk past me.

"You're a cop," A female voice said, and I almost jumped.

I turned to my right and saw the same copper-haired girl that was in the café yesterday. Her gaze was firm and sure, but not accusatory – she was just stating a fact. She was about the same height as me, a couple of inches shorter maybe. Up close I noticed that smattering of freckles across her nose, and the flecks of gold in her brown eyes. She appeared to be waiting for me to say something.

"What makes you think that?" I replied, raising my brow.

Her gaze didn't waver, "You're new. This is your first week at that precinct."

I tried to hide my shock, and my brain instantly went into interrogation mode – this girl was my target, and I needed to extract information from her without surrendering any of my own knowledge.

"Why are you watching the precinct?"

She grinned then, a huge grin that showed all her teeth, "Because I'm looking for a cop."

"Which cop?"

"A good cop."

I heard my name being called from behind me, and I walked up to the counter and grabbed my cup, keeping the copper-haired girl in my sight at all times.

I walked back to where she was still standing, and leaned back against the counter. "What's your name?" I asked casually – well, I tried to sound casual.

Her face fell then, "You don't need my name."

"Sure I do," I took a sip from my cardboard cup, "I need to know what to call you."

She narrowed her eyes slightly, "Let's sit down. Do you have time?" She didn't wait for an answer, but led the way over to a booth in the corner next to the window. She slid in gracefully and looked up at me, expectant.

I stood in front of her, hesitating, but then thought _fuck it_ and slid in opposite her.

"Are you in danger?" I asked cautiously.

She shook her head, "I'm looking for someone who works at the precinct."

I hesitated, "Why are you asking me?"

"Because I need someone trustworthy."

"You don't even know me."

She shrugged, "True enough, I guess. But I know you're not from here – you moved from Chicago and you were born in Washington."

This time I couldn't conceal my shock, "How-"

"You're quiet and polite, but you don't really make an effort to bond with anyone. Your only friend is some guy named Emmett, who's still back in Chicago. He's with someone named Rose, and you don't like to talk to her."

I didn't say anything, I just watched her. She leaned back in her chair and smirked a little. She looked… _triumphant;_ as though she we were waiting for someone to praise her.

"Anything else?" I inquired.

She frowned and I couldn't help but bask in the small victory. But then, once more, her face lit up, and she said, "Your name is Bella Swan."

I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the tabled between us, "Tell me what you need."

She mirrored my position, and stared me straight in the eye, "Help. I need to find my friend. I need help from the police, but I need to make sure the police _don't_ find out. I need someone I can trust. I need someone that can help me without running to their boss and possibly putting me and my friend in danger. I need _you_."

It was my second week on the job and I was already considering going behind my colleagues' backs.

I sighed and checked the time. I only had a few minutes to get to the precinct.

"Let's meet again tomorrow," I suggested and stood from the booth. "Same time, same booth."

She watched me closely, but didn't say anything.

"If you want my help, you're going to have to trust me. Just a little bit."

She nodded.

"So I'm going to need you to give me your name."

"No." Her reply was instant.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, "It doesn't have to be your real name. I just need something to call you."

She seemed to consider this for a moment. "Okay," she said eventually.

"Great!" I replied, and extended my hand to her, "I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you…"

"Charlie," she responded, grasping my hand in hers, "You can call me Charlie."

 **A/N:**

I know, I'm an ass. A complete ass. I'm so sorry. And thank you to those that stuck around! You're wonderful.

Unfortunately I'll be moving states over Christmas so updates will be…infrequent.

"What?" I hear you cry, "More infrequent than they are now? How is that possible?"

That's a great question.

So, if I don't update before then, I hope you all have a lovely, safe holiday season. Take care of yourselves!


	9. Mouth full

**Disclaimer:** I own an Edward Cullen Barbie doll (it was a gag gift, don't judge me), but the character belongs to Stephenie Meyer, as do all of his friends. Such a shame.

Chapter 8

Someone, somewhere, was being a complete asshole, had set up this whole situation, and took great pleasure in watching me squirm. That was the only explanation behind this mess.

I'd met "Charlie" every morning for the past couple of weeks, and so far she'd given me nothing. She didn't trust me, and while I understood that to an extent, I was also becoming quickly frustrated with the girl.

I tried to search her name through our database but didn't find anything, which only frustrated me further.

I knew she needed help – there were moments during our conversations where her false bravado would fall away and I saw the frightened young woman that hid beneath. She was terrified for herself and her friend, and I wanted to take that away.

But _fuck_ she wasn't making it easy. She'd finally given me a name yesterday: Breanne Tanner, but she goes by Bree. Again, she wasn't in our database, not that I expected her to be. I needed more information, information that Charlie wasn't giving me. I was exhausting far more brainpower on this girl than I was entirely comfortable with.

Never mind that every time I so much as thought her name it was like a knife driving through my heart over and _over_ again.

"Are you all right?"

I jumped at the sound of Alice's voice – _why am I so jumpy?_

"Huh?"

"You're frowning and your forehead is all wrinkly. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. Just work stuff." I took a sip from my milkshake and avoided eye contact with Alice.

Shopping with her was surprisingly less intense than I'd anticipated. While Alice was indeed a shopaholic, she was also incredibly efficient. She knew what she needed and she knew where to get it. On our first shopping trip together I'd completed my shopping in less than half an hour, and we spent the rest of the afternoon lazily strolling through the mall, just because. I was beginning to really like Alice, and while that scared the fuck out of me, it also made me feel _normal_.

I needed more normal in my life.

"By the way, how's that going?" She asked, licking the ice cream off her spoon.

"Work?"

She nodded.

"Not too bad," I leaned in closer and lowered my voice, and she mirrored my position, "Has Aro always been a freak or did that only just happen recently?"

She laughed heartily, "Oh, my God! Tell me about it! He speaks like the villain in a film set in the Middle Ages."

I nodded emphatically, "The other day he called me into his office so he could ask me whether I was willing to work over Thanksgiving and it took me about 10 minutes to fully process what he was asking me."

Alice's brow furrowed and she tilted her head slightly, "He asked you to work over the holidays?"

"Yep," I replied and leaned back in my chair.

Alice looked down and closely inspected her Sundae, "And what did you say?" Her voice was quiet and hesitant.

"I said I'd do it. I need to get the extra hours in, get on his good side, you know."

She nodded but still didn't look up.

"What is it, Alice?"

She kept playing with her Sundae, but mumbled, "Nothing. I just…uhh…I was going to invite you to spend Thanksgiving with our family."

 _Oh._

"Oh, Alice, I-"

"Don't worry about it, Bella," she faced me and smiled, though it didn't touch her eyes, "I thought you might be a little uncomfortable with it anyway. But it's an open invitation – if you still want to come you're more than welcome. Jasper will be there, too."

I sighed, "Alice…I…family dinners aren't really my thing."

She shrugged, "Honestly Bella, it's fine. I just wanted you to know that you had somewhere to stay over Thanksgiving, that's all."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about the holidays – the first Thanksgiving without _him_ ; I wanted to work through them and just _forget_. I wanted to be numb and distant and quite thoroughly drunk. I didn't want to spend it with someone else's family just to remind myself that I didn't have my own.

I tried to grasp at the fog of indifference – the armour I'd used in the past, the same shield I used whenever Emmett was hitting a little close to the mark. I used to be able to call on it so easily before, but now? It felt just out of reach, too far away to hold on to. Even when it did get close enough to grab at, it quickly slipped through my fingers and out of grasp again. I was so used to using that armour to push away the feelings that were too intense to deal with that I didn't know what to do without it. I felt exposed and bare and vulnerable and I hated it.

Suddenly, I felt a soft, warm pressure on my hand, which had unconsciously balled up into a fist, and I opened my eyes and saw Alice's hand resting on top of my own. I looked up and I saw her once again using her spoon to play with the ice cream in her bowl, not looking at me, but offering her silent support.

A month ago I would've jerked away from the contact – I would've pushed Alice away, made some sarcastic comment that she would've laughed at, and then locked myself in my apartment for the rest of the weekend.

Now? Now, that soft touch was my anchor, pulling me away from my dark thoughts and grounding me to the present, if only temporarily.

"Thanks, Alice." I said quietly.

She didn't reply, just gave my hand a final squeeze and jumped up from her chair, "C'mon. We're meeting the guys for lunch."

I choked on my milkshake, "Wait, what? You never told me that!"

"Didn't I?" She said absently, inspecting her nails and trying to hide a smirk.

I lazily slid off my stool and sighed, knowing I probably wouldn't be able to get out of this right now, "Is it just Jasper and Edward?"

"Yeah. We're meeting them at a restaurant across the street."

"You just ate an entire Sundae!"

She raised a brow at me as if to say " _So?"_

I groaned as we started towards the exit, "Your brother hates me! Why does he insist on being around me so often?"

Alice gave me a strange look, "Edward doesn't hate you. He really likes you, actually."

I snorted humourlessly, "He really likes annoying me, maybe."

"No," Alice shook her head, "That's not it." We pushed our way past impatient early Christmas shoppers and I breathed in a deep breath when we finally made it out of the mall and in the cold, open air.

"What is it, then?"

"Edward is…" she pursed her lips, searching for the right words, "He values authenticity. He likes that you're genuine. And he likes to…test that by annoying you."

I stopped walking and frowned. Alice turned and looked at me curiously.

"He's waiting for me to slip up?" I whispered. _That makes two of us._

Alice bit her bottom lip, "I've said too much," she chuckled nervously.

I shook my head slightly and inhaled, "Sorry, Alice." I kept walking in what I hoped was the right direction and I heard Alice follow closely behind me.

"It's not anything personal, Bella." She lightly pulled on my coat and pointed to an Italian restaurant to the right, in the opposite direction I was walking in.

"No, Alice, it's fine. I don't really care," _Why do I care so much?_ "He's a great, trustworthy detective, and that's the best I can hope for in a colleague. His business is his business."

Alice's brow furrowed and she looked like she wanted to say something else, but she just nodded and said "Okay," and we both entered the restaurant, finding both Edward and Jasper sitting at a round table near the back already chugging a couple of light beers.

"Hey!" Alice called, skipping forward. Her eyes were still a little troubled, but she smiled widely at her brother and Jasper.

Jasper stood and gave Alice a lingering kiss on her cheek, his hand resting lightly on her waist. Her eyes closed for a split second before she quickly pulled away from him and turned to jump into Edward's arms.

"Ooft," he exhaled, but wrapped his arms around his sister, "What was that for?"

Alice jumped down from Edward's embrace and looked down, her cheeks dusted with a faint blush, "Can't I be happy to see my brother?"

Edward narrowed his eyes at her, but then shrugged and said, "I'll get it out of you later."

"How are you, Bella?" Jasper asked, sitting back down.

I lifted my hands, which were full of shopping bags, "Broke."

He nodded in understanding, "Alice."

"Alice," I confirmed.

"Hey!" Alice exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest and taking a seat between Jasper and Edward.

"But," I rushed to explain, "you were an incredible help and I'm very grateful."

"You're welcome," she replied, flicking her hair over her shoulder. I shook my head at her, but couldn't help smiling too.

"Take a seat, Swan." Edward still hadn't sat down, and was looking at me expectantly.

"Umm," I awkwardly swung my arms and the bags in my hands as I looked around the restaurant, "You know, I think I'm going to head out."

"Why?" Alice asked, pouting.

"It's been a long day, Alice. I'm a little tired. And I'm not really hungry."

"We won't be long, Bella," Jasper pushed.

I grimaced.

"I'm buying," Edward provided.

"Geez, you sure know the way to a girl's heart, Cullen," I rolled my eyes, "I'll see you guys on Monday, all right?"

I turned walk away but Edward quickly grabbed my sleeve, before instantly dropping the material as if it had burned him.

I frowned and he cleared his throat, "How are you getting home?"

"I'm getting on the subway, Edward."

"Great!" He pulled out a chair at the table and gestured towards it, "I'll give you and Jasper a lift home. Now sit down, Swan."

I glared at him and he rolled his eyes, " _Please_."

I huffed and stomped towards the seat, fully aware that I was acting like a petulant child, "I don't know why you give a shit," I grumbled quietly – quiet enough that I hoped no one heard.

Edward hesitated after pushing my chair in, remaining behind me for a second. I looked up and saw a very intense expression on his face – his brows were furrowed and his lips were turned down in a frown. He opened his mouth as though he were about to say something, but then closed it again and looked away from me, moving towards his own seat to my left while scratching his right cheek.

"Are you guys ready to order yet?" A young, blonde waitress had sauntered over to our table, smiling widely at both Jasper and Edward while ignoring Alice and I completely. I had to stifle a laugh. _You're not going home with both of them. Pick one and stick to one._

Jasper made a noncommittal noise and looked over to Alice, who just shook her head and picked up the menu.

Edward, on the other hand, returned the waitress' smile and lowered his voice slightly, "Not quite ready for food, yet. I'll have another beer in the mean time…" He leaned in to inspect her nametag, "Brittany."

"Sure," she replied, now focusing entirely on Edward once she realised Jasper wasn't interested, leaning in his direction and batting her eyelashes slightly. I coughed loudly and raised my hand to cover my mouth, trying to hide my smirk. Apparently I was unsuccessful, because Edward shot me a look.

"Any other drinks for the rest of the table?" The waitress continued, oblivious.

"I'll have a beer, too." Alice piped.

"Yeah, me too." Jasper added.

"And for you?" Brittany turned to me almost unwillingly.

I swallowed thickly, "Just…just a water for me." I noticed Edward look at me curiously out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored him

Brittany nodded and then turned eagerly back to Edward, "Let me know if you need _anything_ else," she purred, and then sashayed away.

"Jesus," Alice muttered.

"Does that happened often around them?" I asked Alice, gesturing towards the guys.

She nodded, and then lifted her hand to hide her face from Edward "Especially that one," she mouthed, pointing towards her brother.

"You're saying this like it's a bad thing," Edward leaned back in his chair and lazily put his hands behind his head – the epitome of ease.

"Nope, not a bad thing. I also like it when barely legal girls eye fuck me in front of my sister and friends."

Alice and Jasper chuckled and Edward flipped me the bird. It was enough to ease the tension that I'd been feeling since I sat down and I felt my spine relax against the back of the chair.

"Did Aro talk to you about your hours, Alice?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, I'm getting Christmas eve through to the second week of January. He said the hospital should be able to cover it."

Jasper let out a low whistle, "That's pretty generous."

Alice shrugged, "He likes me. I'm adorable," she paused and narrowed her eyes at Jasper, "You know, if you were cuter I'm sure he'd give you more time off."

Jasper smirked and shook his head, "I know you think I'm cute, Ali."

"Aww," she leaned over and patted Jasper's hand, "You keep telling yourself that, sweetie."

Edward cleared his throat loudly, and Jasper and Alice both jumped and pulled away from each other. Jasper quickly picked up his menu and Alice nervously tucker a stray hair behind her ear and then abruptly said, "Bella's working over Thanksgiving."

I felt my eyes widen and I looked at Alice, panicking. _Don't drag me into this!_

"Did Aro pressure you into that?" Jasper's tone was sympathetic.

"Yeah," No need to tell them I volunteered. I gave Alice a look and she thankfully didn't say anything.

"I've been wondering, Swan; what was your last squad like?" Edward enquired, turning and facing me.

I picked up my menu to give my hands something to do, "What do you mean? They were just like any other squad," I answered.

"Okay," Edward said impatiently, "But did you work with more people? Was it busier? Were you close with your colleagues? That kind of stuff."

I shrugged, "We had a much bigger squad – about fifteen or so people, but our jurisdiction was much larger. I was…polite to my colleagues, I guess." I didn't look up from my menu. I felt a little full from that milkshake; maybe I should just get a salad?

There was silence for a moment and I looked at Edward over the top of my menu. He looked expectant, his eyebrows raised, and he opened his mouth to say something when Brittany came back with the drinks and asked for our orders.

She quickly took my order, followed by Jasper's and Alice's. She lingered while taking Edward's order, leaning against the table and bending over slightly so he had a clear view of her cleavage.

Alice scoffed and left to go to the bathroom. Jasper tried to engage me in conversation, but after a couple of minutes his phone chimed and he walked away to answer it. I was left at the table with Edward and motherfucking Brittany who wouldn't stop flirting. While I didn't give a shit what or who Edward did in his free time, I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, and that wasn't happening until she took our order to the fucking kitchen.

I gritted my teeth and crossed my arms, my hands balling into fists. Brittany was now sitting on the table, where we were going to eat food, between Edward and I. Her laugh was fake and obnoxious and sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Her voice was nasally and high pitched and gave me a fucking toothache.

And I tried, I really tried to keep my mouth shut because I didn't want to be a bitch and I didn't want to give Edward the wrong impression. While I was amused before, I was pissed and restless and just wanted to go home and be alone. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was making a conscious decision not to get drunk, but I'm only guessing here.

"Hey Brit!" I called out in an overly innocent voice.

The waitress turned and looked down on me, a frustrated look on her face. She gave me a quick once over, and her expression turned from frustration to disgust. "Yes?" She asked snidely.

I rested one elbow on the table and put my head in my hand, giving Brittany a ridiculously sweet smile, "I was just wondering how long it'll take for the food to come out."

Her expression didn't change, "Probably about half an hour." She went to turn back to Edward, not moving from her perch on the table, when I spoke up again.

"If you've got your hands full," I continued, an edge was entering my tone now, "I'm happy to ask your manager to take our order to the kitchen." She turned back and glared at me, and I returned it with one of my own, a sarcastic smile still on my face, "If you're too busy."

She stood abruptly, a hand perched on her hip, "Was there anything else your table needed?"

I pursed my lips and put my finger on my chin, feigning thoughtfulness, before I said, "Nope, I think we're fine. Edward will meet you in the bathroom in about an hour."

Her mouth fell open and she huffed indignantly before marching away. I bit my lip to keep from laughing and took out my phone, pretending to check messages or some shit.

"You wanna explain that?" I heard Edward ask. He didn't sound angry, but I couldn't be sure unless I looked at him. And I wasn't planning on doing that.

"I'm hungry and I don't want to be here longer than necessary. If you want to fuck her in the bathroom that's fine, just don't waste my time with flirting and foreplay."

A silence settled over us once again, and then I heard him let out a breathless chuckled, "Jesus Christ," he said quietly, "I never know what's going to come out of that mouth."

I finally look at him – his expression was one of awe and amusement, mouth parted and breathing a little heavily while his eyes danced with mirth.

"I'm glad I amuse you," I replied.

He smiled widely – a real, genuine smile, which was rare for him – and I felt my breath catch. While his face was all sharp angles and edges, when he _really smiled_ his face softened, and he looked so much younger, happier, carefree. His intensity melted away and just left a truly beautiful man.

I looked away before I could embarrass myself further. _Game face, Swan_.

"Why are you so closed off?" He asked, suddenly serious.

I looked at him in shock, then turned away and closed my eyes, "Don't do this now, Edward." He did this often. He pushed and explored and tried to catch me off guard.

"Why won't you let anyone know you?" His voice was soft and probing and, like a blanket, it settled over me and warmed me to my core.

"I could ask you the same question," I tried to make my voice light and nonchalant, but I could barely speak past the sudden lump in my throat.

"What's the supposed to mean?" Again – his voice wasn't hard or angry, merely curious.

"Seriously Edward," I shook my head and opened my eyes, turning to look into his bright green ones that instantly made me think _home_ , "You don't want to get into this."

He moved his chair a little closer to mine and whispered, "Why don't you let me decide what I want."

I couldn't breath, I couldn't handle the intensity of his gaze, and I couldn't think. I looked down and shook my head; I felt a strange pressure on my chest and a quiet nagging at the back of my mind, but I ignored it.

"Let me be your friend, Bella." He breathed.

"Why?" I replied just as quietly.

He laughed, "My sister's in love with you and you don't take my bullshit. There's only one other person on earth that fits that description and he's my best friend." He moved closer still, I could feel his hot breath on my forehead, "I'm running out of reasons to let you push me and everyone else away. You need a friend and so do I."

I turned towards him but kept my eyes on his hands, "You're the most confusing person I've ever met."

"Doesn't that excite you?"

"It mostly freaks me out."

"If it makes you feel any better, I've only pretended to have you all figured out – I'm really just winging it here."

Teasing – I could handle teasing. I looked up slightly, my eyes now on his collarbone, "You're way off the mark."

"Such a long line to the bathroom, guys! Where's the food?" Alice's voice – once again – made me jump and I quickly righted myself, my legs no longer turned towards Edward but under the table. I cleared my throat and suppressed the urge to fan myself – when had it gotten so hot?

"The waitress got a little distracted so the food might be a little longer," Edward said, taking his time move away from me. Before he could move away completely, however, he leaned in close – closer than before – and whispered in my ear, "I'm closer to the mark than you'd like to believe." His hot breath made me shiver, but it was quickly – too quickly – gone, and I was left feeling colder than I had in a long time.

000

"Why don't you talk to someone, Bella?"

"Because, Emmett," I sighed, "I hate being told things I already know. I hate being treated like a child or a dumb student being lectured at. I already know what's wrong with me." I'd opened up a lot more to Emmett over the past week, and while I knew this was unfamiliar territory for him, he was always happy to listen. He never made me feel like I was talking too much or bothering him, and I appreciated that more than he'd ever know.

"Do you know how to fix it?"

"Yes."

"Then why don't you?"

I laughed humourlessly. Things were so much easier in Emmett's world – all black and white, no in-between. "It's not so easy, Em."

"Why not?"

I fell back against the couch and reached over to grab a pillow, hugging it to my chest with one hand. "It's like…if I told you that water was actually bad for you and snorting coke made you healthy, it'd take you a while to believe it, right?"

"Right," he said hesitantly.

"It's the same thing. I've lived with these beliefs for so long, I can't just will them away."

"Is there anything I can do?"

I smiled sadly. I didn't deserve him, "You're already doing so much for me."

There was a loud knock on my door and I narrowed my eyes, checking the time on my phone: _6:28pm_.

"Em, I've got to go. I'll talk to you later?"

"Sure. Love you Bells."

"Bye Em."

I hung up quickly and ran to the kitchen counter to grab my handgun. I was in an unfamiliar city on the same floor that had a break-in a couple of weeks ago and a possible stalker. I wasn't going to take any chances.

I moved quickly back to the front door as another, louder knock came. I glanced through the peephole and almost tripped over in my shock. What the fuck was Edward doing here?

I didn't release my hold on the gun, but held it behind my back as I opened the door.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" _Woah, no brain to mouth filter today?_

"It's nice to see you, too!" He gave me a gorgeous crooked smile; one I'm sure has been the catalyst to several panty droppings in the past.

I rolled my eyes, "Seriously, why are you here?"

"I'm being a friend," he lifted his right hand, which was holding a bag of what smelled like Thai food, "Friends eat bad food and watch movies together." He didn't wait for a response and elbowed his way past me into _my_ apartment. "You got any good movies? I brought one, but I need an excuse to see what movies you're in to."

"Cabinet beneath the television," I answered numbly before I could stop myself.

I heard the plastic bag land on the coffee table before Edward said, "What's with the gun?"

I hesitated before I turned to face him, not relenting my grip on the firearm, "A strange man is in my house on a Sunday night for no good reason. The same strange man that only yesterday insisted he wanted to be my friend, again for no good reason. You can't blame me for being a little suspicious."

Edward didn't say anything for a moment, but then he placed his hand over his chest and pouted, "You wound me, Swan. My intentions are noble, I swear it."

I tried to stop myself from smiling, but couldn't help the slight twitch of my lips.

"So," Edward exclaimed, and practically skipped over to the cabinet to have a look at my admittedly lacking DVD collection. He bent over to rifle through them, and I tried not to let my eyes wander. It was tough; the man gave a good show. "Where are the rest of them?"

During my admiration my mouth had fallen open and, _Was that drool at the corner of my mouth?_ I quickly snapped my mouth shut with a loud _click_ of my teeth, and mumbled out a "Mhuh?"

"Where are the rest of your movies?" He didn't turn, so I was still a little distracted.

"They're umm…that's all of them."

"There are four movies in here."

"Yes."

"They're all Die Hard movies."

"Yes."

"Are you all right?"

He finally faced me and he looked at me in concern, his brows furrowed and his head tilted.

"I'm fine." I answered a little too defensively and shuffled over to the kitchen to deposit my gun.

He raised his brows in disbelief, but then shrugged and stood up, "Well, I'm not in the mood for action so I guess we'll just have to see what's on t.v."

He made himself comfortable on my couch, sitting where I had been just moments earlier, and taking out the food he'd brought. I should've been pissed off, but something about seeing him so relaxed and at ease in my home was…nice; sure it was disconcerting and weird and invasive but still _nice_. As much as I enjoyed making other people uncomfortable just because I could, it was kind of wonderful knowing that someone still wanted to know me and was at ease around me, despite my sarcastic attitude and constant bitch-face.

"Do you prefer chicken, beef, or pork? I've got all three and I'm happy with any of them."

"I thought you said you brought a movie?" I took the other side of the couch, leaving a sizeable gap between us.

To my surprise, Edward ducked his head and avoided my eyes, "Yeah, I…I don't think we've got the same taste in films."

Oh God, this was too good. "What did you bring, Edward?" My voice was light and teasing and I tried not to dwell on that too much.

He just shook his head.

"Is it Schindler's List?"

He snorted and shook his head again.

"Is it a porno?"

He started coughing loudly, "Jesus, Swan!"

"What?" I asked innocently, "This would be a lot easier and less painful if you told me what movie you brought, you know."

He still kept his head ducked, but mashed his lips together.

"Is it a rom-com?"

His eyes closed.

"Oh, my God!" I jumped up from the couch, a huge smile on my face, "You brought a rom-com and then freaked out because all I had was Die Hard!"

"I've literally never met a woman that doesn't have at least one rom-com in her movie collection." He mumbled, but then lifted his head and spoke up, pointing an accusing finger at me, " _Furthermore_ , I was expecting you to have a more embarrassing selection of films and I was planning on spending the night making fun of your collection and then _you_ ," he wagged his finger a bit, "had to mess up those plans! I'm crushed, Swan. I feel so betrayed."

I rolled my eyes, but my grin didn't waver, "I'll try to better meet your expectations in the future," I said as I sat back down, grabbing the chicken Pad Thai.

Edward opened his mouth as though he were about to saying something, but then shut it quickly, pursing his lips and narrowing his eyes.

"So what did you bring?" I asked after an awkward silence.

"I'll only tell you if you swear never to tell anyone."

How could I resist? I bit back a smile, "Of course." I tried not to tremble in anticipation.

Edward took a deep breath, preparing himself, and then reached into another plastic bag and pulled out…

"Love Actually?" My voice was three octaves higher than usual.

Edward's ears were bright red, but he exclaimed, "It's a fucking awesome movie, Swan. Don't even try to deny it."

I laughed, "I thought you were going to blame it on Alice or something, but you're taking full responsibility for this." I leaned and punched him lightly on the shoulder, "Good for you, man. Own it."

Edward grumbled under his breath and stood to place the DVD in the player, "Just…shut up and watch it."

And I did, and I loved it. But I was never going to tell Edward that. There were a couple of awkward moments during the film, where Martin Freeman was naked on screen and thrusting up against some young blonde woman, but it was overall an easy and pleasant experience.

However, that ease ended as soon as the film did.

"Let's talk, Swan." Edward turned to me and sat Indian style on the couch. His expression was gentle but his posture was intimidating, like he was preparing for an interrogation.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, seeing as we're friends now," I coughed but Edward ignored me, "I think we should get to know each other a little better."

I didn't reply.

"So I'll ask you a question and you ask me a question and you have to answer honestly and then we'll graduate from 'friends' to 'best friends.'"

"Are we fifteen year olds on their first date?"

"Humour me, Swan."

I took a sip of water to give myself time to think about what he was saying. There were a lot of questions I didn't want to answer, but I also knew it was important for Edward to feel like he trusted me.

But more importantly, if things with Charlie were going in the direction I suspected they were going in, I'd need someone in the squad to help me get information. I needed someone that wasn't going to run to Aro as soon as I started asking questions.

In short, I needed someone to trust, too.

"Do I have to answer?"

Edward pondered that for a moment, "Nope. But I feel like if you don't answer you're kind of answering the question anyway, you know?"

"How old are you?" I asked incredulously.

"28. Great! My turn."

"What? No, I was –"

"When's your birthday?"

I sighed, "September 13th. You know you can get this from my file?"

He nodded, "I do know that. Where were you born?"

"Hey! I didn't get my question!"

Edward raised his brows, "Yes you did."

"You're cheating!" I pouted.

"Answer the question, Swan," a smirk was playing on his lips now.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Forks."

He cocked his head, "Where's –?"

"Nope! My turn!" I grinned. Edward grimaced but waved his hand for me to continue, "Have you always lived in New York?"

Some expression passed across Edward's face for a moment, but it was gone before I could fully examine it. He quietly uttered, "No," then scratched the side of his face before he continued, "Where's Forks?"

"Washington." I bit my lip and hesitated before asking my next question. Curiosity had always been my greatest downfall, "Where were you born?"

His response was swift. "Illinois. Are you seeing anyone?"

The question shocked me, but I didn't have anything to hide, so I answered, "No. Why?"

Edward merely shrugged, a soft smile on his face, "Why not?"

I frowned, "I don't know what you're asking."

"Why aren't you seeing anyone?"

For some reason, that was the funniest question I'd ever heard, and I started laughing. Hard.

"What?" His small smile turned into a full grin.

"Sorry," I tried to get my breathing under control, but my deep breaths kept getting interrupted by hiccups, "I don't know why that was so funny to me. There isn't really one reason, just lots of little things."

Edward nodded, "Your turn."

"Why aren't you with Alice or Jasper tonight?"

"Jasper had a date and Alice was busy with friends or something I don't really know. Do you miss Chicago?"

I finally broke eye contact with Edward and looked down at my hands. Did I miss Chicago? I didn't miss my job – I worked with a lot of unenthusiastic, incompetent people in Chicago – aside from Emmett. The weather wasn't really anything to mourn over, so I didn't miss that. My life in Chicago had been meaningless; I woke up and went to work because I had to, not because I wanted to; most weekends – hell, most _nights_ – I would drink myself into a stupor because the pain and grief were too difficult to face; my best friend and I hadn't had a real conversation in months…

"No," I replied, still focused on my now trembling hands, "No, I don't miss Chicago." I was silent for a moment, and Edward didn't push me. I carefully considered my next question.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yeah?" He responded just as quietly.

I looked up and saw the apprehension in his eyes, "Why are you here? Really?"

Edward didn't do anything for a while, just stared at me, as though deciding whether or not he should reply. And then he grinned, stood up, and said, "I'll see you in the morning, Swan," and left.

And, as usual, I was left confused, frustrated, and a little breathless.

 **A/N** **:** I hope your 2016 is full of good health and happiness, life and love, joy, fun, and good sex. Take care!


	10. Another

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Twilight I'd probably post a bunch of fanfiction just because I could. But I don't, and I post fanfiction because these damn characters need to get out of my head.

Trigger warning (and possible spoiler): There is a brief reference to human trafficking in this chapter. I'll put a "tw" in the page break before the mention.

Chapter 9

"Listen, Charlie," I said before I sat down, trying to keep my voice even, "I want to help you, I really do, but unless you can give me something I'm walking the fuck out and I'm not coming back. I don't give a shit if you know my address or have my grandfather's phone number or whatever. You can tell me your story or you can consider this our last little get together."

"What's the matter, Izzy? You don't trust me?" Charlie didn't look up from her phone.

I snorted, "I'm not the one with trust issues, sweetheart."

Charlie put her phone on the table and looked up, raising one eyebrow, "You didn't answer the question."

I huffed and slid opposite Charlie and into the booth, "You've given me no reason to trust you, Charlie. You haven't even given me your name."

Charlie shrugged and smirked, "It's an embarrassing name, I try to avoid using it as much as I can." She then bent over and reached into her messenger bag, pulling out a very large and very full manila folder and throwing it onto the table with a loud _thump_.

"Don't say I never give you anything," she muttered and then leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest and examining me closely.

I didn't hesitate – I reached forward quickly and grabbed the folder.

The first page was a copy of a birth certificate under Bree's name. The next was a photocopy of a passport. After that it was page after page of incredible, vital, _confidential_ information – school records, phone records, emails, facebook messages, bank statements, text messages….

"How did you get all this?" I breathed.

"I've been working on this for a while," Charlie shrugged nonchalantly, but her eyes were troubled.

"How long is a while?"

Charlie looked out the window to her right and fiddled with one of the many bohemian bracelets adorning her wrist, "About four weeks."

I swallowed audibly and tried to collect my thoughts, "Why…" I hesitated. I didn't want to accuse Charlie of anything, but I needed the answer to this question. I carefully closed the folder and put it down between us.

"Why did you wait four weeks before asking for help, Charlie?"

She didn't look away from the window, but I noticed her breathing increased, the condensation on the glass was coming in faster bursts. I waited almost a whole minute but it became clear to me that Charlie wasn't going to answer – either because she didn't want to or because she didn't have a good enough response.

I nodded, even though she wasn't facing me, and reached back out to grab the folder, "Can I keep this?" I asked.

She nodded, and I stood from the booth and quickly stashed the folder in my own bag.

"I'm going to need some time to go over all this," I patted my bag, "and decide what exactly it is I can do to help. I'll see you next week, same time."

She finally turned and faced me, lips turned down and brows furrowed in an angry line, "Why do you need a whole week?"

"I have a day job, Charlie," I replied simply but patiently.

"So?"

"So if you want me to find Bree without alerting my boss I'm going to need to do this outside of work and that won't be easy."

She scowled, but nodded her acquiescence, "You better be here next week," she tried to sound forceful, but I detected the slight tremor in her voice.

I forced my tone to be light, "I think I know better than to try and run away from you, Charlie."

The corner of her lip jumped up in a half smirk.

I mirrored her expression, "See you in a week."

000 tw

I was way out of my depth here. I was possibly dealing with an abduction, which would be difficult enough with a team working with me, but to do this on my own and with very little resources available was almost impossible.

The other possibility was terrifying and something I wasn't sure I was capable of even thinking about.

From a kidnapping perspective, it didn't really make sense; Bree came from a foster home and didn't have any family or many friends, so kidnapping for ransom seemed out of the question. From what I could gather from her emails and messages Bree was single and hadn't been in any serious relationships which made it unlikely that revenge had been a motivator. That left the question; if Bree wasn't abducted for ransom or revenge, then _why_ was she taken? Maybe she'd witnessed a crime? But there was no record of her reporting anything to the police, which is why her name wasn't in our database when I'd tried to search her.

That left the other possibility – the possibility that made my stomach turn and my skin crawl.

Bree wasn't anything of importance, not connected with anyone powerful and didn't appear to associate with anyone dangerous. But she did have something else to offer to an abductor: Her body. Which meant that I was most likely deal with human trafficking – something I was wholly unequipped and unqualified to deal with. Before Bree's disappearance, and less than a year after she'd moved from Ohio, she received a number of emails inviting her to undertake a paid internship as part of her criminology degree – an internship she hadn't applied for. According to the files Charlie had given me, Bree hadn't contacted the outside world after the interview she'd had for the internship.

I'd heard of this before – everyone had; young girls from out of town being offered jobs that seemed too good to be true before being abducted and sold off as slaves.

It was horrible and disgusting and an unfortunate reality, and ordinarily I would send the evidence off to the Department of Homeland Security. But there was just one problem – the emails being sent to Bree came from our precinct.

I had been poring over the documents Charlie gave me for the past four days – I'd stayed back at work every night so I'd have access to the systems without the risk of one of my colleagues looking over my shoulder. My efforts had been fruitless; I was no closer to figuring out what happened to Bree than I was when I first read the documents. Whoever organised this didn't leave any clues – they didn't accidently drop a name or a personal email address or a phone number. There wasn't even any evidence of an internship being offered by the precinct. This person, whoever they were, covered their tracks well.

 _Of course they did, they're probably a fucking police officer_.

I groaned and banged my head on the table in the break room. It was 9p.m., Thursday night. Everyone was long gone and I was impatiently waiting for the water in the kettle to boil while I willed my brain to come up with some brilliant idea that would magically solved this whole issue.

I heard movement behind me. Assuming it was the night crew coming in to grab something I just ignored it, continuing to lightly bang my head on the table. _I need a drink_.

The sound of movement behind me became louder, and I sat up and turned just in time to see Edward walk in to the break room – completely dishevelled but still delicious in a black leather jacket and tight black jeans.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was low and lacked any real surprise or confusion.

"Working late."

He nodded, though he didn't look like he was actually paying any attention to my answer, and walked over to take the seat opposite me. He leaned far back in his chair and looked towards the ceiling, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands and sighing heavily. His whole body was tight with tension and rigid in a way I'd never seen before.

The quiet click of the kettle made me jump slightly (I inwardly berated myself) and I quickly stood to pour myself a coffee.

"Want some?" I offered without turning towards him.

"You got anything stronger?" He asked roughly.

I paused, but grabbed a second mug for him.

"You get green tea," I handed it to him while clutching my own steaming mug and taking my seat.

Edward chuckled humourlessly and shook his head slightly, but tentatively took a sip from the mug anyway. It was then that I noticed a light smear of blood on his hand.

"Edward," I tried to keep my voice quiet and calm, "Are you hurt?"

He kept his eyes on the mug in his hands – looking, but not really seeing.

He replied with a flat, emotionless, "no," and took a greater gulp from his mug.

I observed him for a moment. It was a very rare opportunity, to be able to look at him without the risk of his sharp, quick, disarming eyes looking right back at me. I hated the way he looked now – forlorn and broken and _sad_. It so completely contrasted with the Edward I knew – the one full of life and joy and a child-like energy and a bad sense of humour. He wasn't my Edward right now and I couldn't stand it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked quietly.

He didn't speak; his eyes remained on his tea and his expression remained blank, albeit a little pained. I didn't push, but just waited. Though I didn't know him well, I knew him well enough to know that he would speak when he was ready, and wouldn't respond well to force.

He finally spoke, "Kate got hurt." Against my better instincts, I opened my mouth to speak, but Edward quickly cut me off, "She's fine. It's nothing serious. She…" he took a steadying breath and looked up at me, his eyes full of sorrow and anger and it took my own breath away, "We were working on a drug bust and she took a hit to the shoulder. I didn't…I couldn't help her. I should've…" He let out a shaky breath and looked back down at his mug, though I could still see the light sheen of tears in his eyes. I felt my own heart break for him, because I knew – I knew so fucking well – what that guilt felt like; how it crept up your neck and settled in your stomach and invaded your every private thought until you were drowning in it.

"Do you want me to distract you?" I asked softly.

It took him a few seconds, but he eventually gave me a slow, single nod.

I inhaled slowly and then, in a move too quick for him to react, took Edward's hand from his mug and placed it gently on my chest.

His head snapped back up and his wide eyes met mine, "What are you doing?" He asked incredulously.

"Distracting you," I replied as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, though I was really trying to focus on keeping my breathing steady and my heartbeat slow. It wasn't working as well as I hoped.

"With your boob?" His voice was still shocked, though there was a hint of humour in it now.

I ignored him, even though his hand _was_ technically on my boob and oh my Lord his hand was so warm and I wanted to move it lower and feel it underneath my shirt and…

I cleared my throat, "Focus on my heartbeat, all right? Try to focus on the rhythm and match your breathing to it."

Edward's brow furrowed slightly and an adorable pout graced his lips, "It's going a little fast…"

I tightened my grip on my hand and let out a shaky chuckle, "Maybe don't match your breathing to it until it slows down. Did I ever tell you I tried to paint my goldfish once?"

He smiled and shook his head, penetrating green eyes focused on me.

"I wanted a purple fish, but my…" I faltered for a second and swallowed; "My dad said they were too expensive because you had to get a fancy filter system or something. Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea to put some purple food dye into my fish bowl so that my goldfish would at least _look_ purple."

Edward's smile widened, and I noticed his chest was rising and falling in time with my now steady heartbeat, "Did it work?"

"I put too much and my fish died. I cried for a week."

He laughed, "How old were you?"

"Seven. Emmett poisoned his own fish so that I wouldn't feel so sad, and then I refused to speak to him for a month." He threw his head back and laughed louder and I chuckled along with him.

"Ten years later Emmett got me a purple Siamese Fighting fish."

"And what happened to it?"

"It died because I didn't use the right water conditioner," I bit my lip to contain my giggles, but Edward still shook with laughter. We finally quietened and Edward's broad grin reduced to a small smile. We stared at each other in silence, and I was once again lost in the green of his eyes – those eyes that reminded me so much of the trees of Forks. I could almost hear the rain against the roof, could almost smell the morning dew, could almost feel the moisture on my skin.

"You're pretty good at this, you know?" He looked much calmer, his eyes were still a little broken and troubled, but his expression had smoothed out, the wrinkle between his brows disappearing.

I cocked my head, "Good at what?"

"The whole friend thing," He smiled tenderly and I felt my heartbeat pick up again, so I loosened my grip on Edward's hand and prayed he didn't notice the acceleration.

"I thought we were _best_ friends," I teased, letting out a shaky laugh.

He didn't. "Maybe one day," he said seriously, "when you trust me enough to talk to me."

"I talk to you." I replied defensively, automatically.

Edward smiled sadly at me, and I felt his thumb gently, slowly, tenderly move up and down on my chest, right over my heart. It pounded impossibly faster, as though it were anxious to be closer to his touch, not wanting to waste a single moment away from his gentle caress.

A whisper, "One day, Bella."

000

The squad went to visit Kate at the hospital the next day during our lunch break. She looked ridiculously happy for someone that had just been shot.

"I've got a fucking _scar_ on my fucking _shoulder_!" She pulled down her gown to reveal the harsh, freshly stitched lines, "How fucking cool is that?" I couldn't tell if it was the painkillers making her this exuberant, or if it was all Kate.

After reassuring us again and again that she was fine and comfortable but "so fucking hungry I could swallow a fucking horse whole," we all left and lazily made our way across the street.

James lit a cigarette as soon as he was out of the hospital and walked ahead of the group, studiously ignoring everyone.

"Detective Daniels!" I called out, half-jogging to catch up with him. He stopped abruptly and turned to face me, his eyes narrowed into slits. He didn't say anything, but turned and kept walking, albeit at a slower pace.

"Daniels," I said again after I'd caught up with him, "The Sergeant tells me you might need a profile?" My voice came out unsure and hesitant – something about James made me nervous.

"Nope," was his reply, cigarette dangling precariously from his mouth as he spoke.

"Well, he said you had a few cases that appeared to be connected and you'd benefit from a psych evaluation."

 _"Well_ ," he mocked, "the Sergeant was wrong," he answered coldly and increased his pace.

I had to jog to keep up with his long, quick strides, "That's something you have to take up with him. Will you let me do my job?"

James stopped abruptly and grabbed my bicep. I tried to pull away but his grip was too strong, I could feel his short nails digging into my skin. With his other hand James ripped the cigarette from his mouth, then leaned in close and blew the cancerous smoke in my face. I resisted the urge to cough and instead returned his cold look with my own glare.

"You sure you'll find time in between sucking Cullen's cock?" he spoke lowly and through narrowed lips while I blanched at his accusation. He looked me up and down, lingering on my breasts and the exposed skin on my neck, "Sluts like you always did get him hard."

He let go of my upper arm, threw the still lit cigarette at my feet, and marched away from me.

I glared after him, my ears burning and my breaths coming quickly – quicker than I realised.

"Hey," I heard a velvety voice from behind me, "Is everything okay?"

"What the _fuck_ is his problem?" I spat, not bothering to lower my voice.

I expected Edward to chuckle or make a joke, but when I was met with silence I turned to my right to face him. He was also staring after James, his eyes troubled and his hand in his coppery hair.

"What is it?" I asked, confused.

His eyes shot to me, "What's what?"

I gestured to his hand, which was still combing through his hair, "You do that when you're nervous."

Edward shook his hand and lowered his hand, scratching his right cheek.

"And you do that," I pointed to his cheek, "When you're deciding whether or not to tell me something."

He rolled his eyes, "What are you, the fucking Mentalist? That shit's creepy, Swan."

I shrugged, but allowed myself a smug grin, my mood instantly lifting in his presence.

Edward crinkled his nose, but l waited for him to say something first, refusing to give in. He finally sighed and tilted his head towards the precinct and we continued walking.

"It's a…strange story. And this isn't the right place. What are you doing tonight?"

I tried to hide my surprise, though I'm not sure how successful I was. After our… _intimate_ moment last night I was worried things between Edward and I would be awkward. And they were at first, but then Edward threw a stress ball at my chest and told me to "chill out," and we'd moved on.

Still, I was a little nervous about being alone with him again. I didn't trust myself not to do something stupid.

"I have some errands to run." I blurted out.

Edward raised his brow and smiled bemusedly, " _Errands_ to run?"

"Mhmm," I mumbled.

Edward's eyes narrowed, "You know, you bite the inside of your lip when you're lying."

Fuck, he was right.

I released my lip from my teeth, "I really do have shit to do, though."

"It's cool, Swan. My heart will survive your rejection." He playfully pushed me and I couldn't help but smile in response.

"Any plans for this weekend?" I asked casually.

Edward shrugged, "Might visit the parents. I haven't seen them for a while. You?"

"It's a bit early for me to meet your parents, isn't it?"

He rolled his eyes, "You're a bit of a dork, Swan."

I grinned broadly, "Thanks!"

Edward shook his head and chuckled, studying me and tilting his head slightly, "You're in a good mood today."

I frowned, "Am I?"

We entered the station and made our way through the hallway and to our desks.

"You can't tell whether or not you're in a good mood?" Edward teased.

I opened my mouth to respond but quickly closed it. Was I in a good mood? I was making conversation, joking around with Edward, engaging in a little harmless flirting… Truthfully, I'd never felt more normal and at ease than I had today. It was worrying and exciting and so _wonderful_ and I wanted everything to be this easy all the time.

But then I was reminded of why it wasn't easy, and then the guilt and loss crept back in again. It tended to do that during these unguarded moments – the times I felt almost normal and almost happy.

 _Charlie wouldn't want this_ , I tried to tell myself. _Daddy wouldn't want this. He'd want you to be happy and free of all this guilt. He wouldn't want you to live with this blame. He'd want you to let go_.

And I tried, and while the pain and guilt weren't as intense as they usually were, they were still there. I wanted to feel numb and empty again, but I knew that putting on a mask wasn't fair – it wasn't fair to my colleagues and it wasn't fair to Emmett. I'd promised him I'd try. _You weren't expecting to feel better overnight, were you?_

But with Edward…damn it; being with Edward just made me forget. He lifted the pressure from my chest and I was able to _breathe_ when I was around him. He didn't have to do anything – he didn't sit there and listen to my problems or push me until I talked or tip toed around me. He was just so _normal_ around me, and I didn't realise how badly I needed normal until he'd given it to me.

"Hey," he said gently, his face troubled. He moved his chair closer to mine – _when did I get to my desk?_ – and leaned towards me, "Did I say something?"

If I were the Bella Swan that had first come to New York, I would've shrugged him off and turned back to do my work.

I was quickly realising that I was no longer that Bella Swan. I wasn't the old Bella Swan either – I was something different and confusing and new, and I hadn't quite figured her out yet.

"No," I replied to Edward, who looked worried at my silence, "I'm fine. But I wanted to ask…"

"Yes?" He looked eager and moved in closer. I could smell the soapy scent of his laundry detergent and something else – something that was a mixture of cinnamon and the smell of grass right after rain and _Edward_.

"Do you want to come to the pet store with me tonight?"

000

Edward somehow managed to get us out of work early so we could get to the pet store before it closed.

"Why did you take so long with Aro?" I asked as we made our way to the parking garage.

Edward shrugged, "Aro likes to check in on the squad. He usually uses me to do that."

"Shouldn't he use Marcus for that?"

"I try not to dwell on the inner workings of Aro's mind. It gives me a headache."

We approached a very sleek black car. I knew next to nothing about cars but from my limited knowledge I could gather two things; it was a Mercedes and it was expensive.

Edward slid easily into the driver's seat while I more cautiously opened the passenger side door, sat down, and gently closed the door behind me. I took great care putting on my seat belt and tried not to move too much.

Edward hadn't started the car yet, so I looked at him curiously and noticed a very amused look on his face.

"What?" I inquired.

He mashed his lips together and his shoulders were shaking with silent laughter.

"What?!" I asked more insistently.

Edward's laughter wasn't so silent anymore.

"Your face!" He choked out between guffaws, and though I knew he was laughing at me, I couldn't help but smile along with him.

"I've never been in a car this expensive before!" I defended, grin still firmly in place.

He shook his head, still chuckling, and quickly and quietly backed us out of the parking garage.

"So where are we headed?" Edward asked once he'd calmed down.

"That mall Alice and I were at last week? There's a pet shop there."

"Are you even allowed pets in your apartment?"

"I doubt my landlord is going to give a fuck about a fish."

"Fair enough," he conceded.

We settled into a comfortable silence and I looked out the window, watching the pedestrians struggle in the cold November air. Snow hadn't fallen yet, but it was on its way.

"Hey, I don't think I said this, but…thanks for last night," Edward murmured.

I looked back at him, and he was staring straight ahead, concentrating very hard on driving.

"No problem," I replied with a shrug.

Edward's lips turned down and one hand left the wheel to scratch his right cheek.

"Did you…" I paused and took a deep breath, "Did you want to talk about it?"

He heaved a sigh, looked at my quickly from the corner of his eye, and then focused back on the road.

"I'm very protective of the squad," he said simply.

I nodded, because _yeah that's pretty obvious._ I still remembered the way he wanted to run to Tanya's rescue when the probable twin murderer spoke back to her.

"I've been with them all a long time. The squad is my family and it's my…not my job to take care of them, but I feel responsible for their protection."

I pursed my lips and watched Edward's hand move from his cheek to run through his hair before returning to the wheel.

"That's a huge burden on you, Edward." I didn't fully understand his dedication to the squad because I'd never experienced that kind of camaraderie back in Chicago, but I did understand his urge to protect and defend. It was one of the reasons I'd gone into law enforcement in the first place.

"It's instinct. I can't exactly turn it off, can I?" Edward grumbled, his hands tightening on the wheel.

"I'm not criticising," I said quickly, "I just don't think it's very fair to you to hold yourself liable. That guilt from last night…it's enough to crush you, Edward."

"How am I supposed to feel?" He asked harshly, "It was my case and _I_ led her in there. I knew how dangerous it was and I _let_ her go in."

"I don't know Kate very well, but I know she's a brilliant detective, and if she heard what you just said she would've punched you in the fucking mouth."

He scowled but didn't reply.

"You didn't pull the trigger," I spoke more gently, "That asshole sitting in the holding cell did. He's the reason Kate got hurt, but _you're_ the reason she's alive. You're the reason she isn't worse off."

I noticed the mall approaching from the corner of my eye and Edward abruptly pulled the car over, swerving to avoid the cars around us while I tightly gripped the leather beneath me. He turned off the engine and turned to face me. I looked at him, surprised and a little angry, but the look on his face melted that away in an instant.

"I'm going to hug you now, okay?" He said softly.

My breathing stopped but I just nodded, keeping my eyes on his as he slowly leaned forward and enveloped me in his arms.

I remained tense at first but quickly relaxed and let myself feel his soft touch and breathe him in. It should've worried me that his scent was already so familiar to me, but it was a source of comfort and one I wasn't going to deny myself. I raised my arms and circled them around his waist. Our position was a bit awkward with the console between us but I didn't care, and Edward didn't seem to mind either. I rested my head in the crook of his neck and Edward gently rubbed my back, the touch caused sparks to run up and down my spine.

"You're kind of incredible," Edward whispered.

I let out a short laugh, "I try my best."

He breathed out a chuckled and held me closer. I wasn't sure how long we stayed there, it could've been mere seconds for all I knew, but the warmth that coursed through my veins kept me there. I'd stay there for as long as he'd let me.

Too soon, Edward gave me one final squeeze and pulled back, smiling broadly at me. I gave him a shy one in return and looked away.

No more words were spoken between us as we got out of the car and made our way to the pet shop, though I did notice that Edward was standing much closer to me than usual. Not that I minded.

"What are we looking for?" Edward asked as we entered the surprisingly large store.

"A fish, obviously."

Edward grinned but rolled his eyes, "A purple fish?"

"I've been more partial to green lately, actually." The words were out of my mouth before I'd even realised I'd said them. I felt my eyes widen and my cheeks flame and I quickly turned away from Edward and prayed he didn't notice my reaction.

"We should split up," he suggested, "I'll take the left side of the store."

I nodded my agreement, because this actually worked much better for me. As soon as I saw him walking away I hunted down one of the staff members.

A young man with platinum blonde hair and dangerously pale skin was cleaning out hamster cages near the front of the store and out of Edward's eye line. I quickly made my way over to him.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah," he replied, his nose scrunched up in disgust and still staring down at the shit at the bottom of the cage he was holding.

I cleared my throat and he looked up. I discretely flashed him my badge and his pale blue eyes widened.

"I'm with the NYPD, I need to ask you a few questions," I said quickly and quietly.

"Do I need a lawyer present for this?" He squeaked.

I raised my brow, "If you think you need one then feel free to call them."

His gaping mouth closed and he looked confused so I took pity on him.

"No one's in trouble, I just have a couple of questions about a girl you work with. If you feel uncomfortable or you don't want to answer that's fine, I'll just walk away, all right?"

He looked less scared now, though there was a bit of sweat on his brow. He nodded quickly, probably making himself dizzy.

"Can I just ask how old you are…Tristan?" I asked after reading his nametag.

He swallowed audibly, "Twenty."

"And what do you know about Bree Tanner, Tristan?"

Tristan looked confused for a moment, "Bree?" He clarified, "She hasn't worked here in over a month."

"Was she fired?"

He frowned, "I don't think so. She just stopped showing up so the manager stopped giving her shifts."

"Is that like her? To stop showing up?"

Tristan gulped, "Is she in trouble or something?"

I exhaled loudly, "I don't know, Tristan. I need information, and if you tell me anything you know about her I might be able to help her."

The young man then took a deep breath and his expression transformed. I could see the determination in his eyes as he met my gaze.

"I don't know much about her. She was nice, I guess. My other co-workers get frustrated with me but she didn't. She treated me good."

"Did she ever speak about any family? Friends? A boyfriend?"

Tristan shook his head, "We weren't that close so we didn't really talk about that stuff but this other girl used to drop in and visit her."

"A girl?" I asked, swiftly removing my notepad from my pocket to take notes, "Tell me about her."

He frowned, "Umm…she's about my age, browny-gold hair, white, skinny, kind of weird."

I raised a brow, "Weird how?"

Tristan shrugged, "I don't know just weird. She's jumpy but kind of a bitch." His eyes widened as the curse slipped out of his mouth and he looked up at me apologetically.

I didn't say anything but nodded so he would continue.

"I don't really know much else about her, just that they lived together." He finished quickly.

I scribbled it all down, "Do you know her name?"

Tristan licked his dry lips, "Her full name was something crazy I don't remember. But Bree would call her Nessie."

"Okay," I'd have to pay a visit to Bree's landlord tomorrow to see if I could find anything out about this roommate. "Do you remember anything else about Bree? What was she like in her last few days here?"

He pursed his lips and scratched his nose, "I don't really remember…I think she was excited about something. She seemed happier than usual. That's all I know."

I nodded once, "Thanks. Where are the fish?"

Tristan stuttered for a moment but then pointed me in the direction had Edward walked in.

"Swan!" He called out when he saw me. He was standing next to an amused young woman, "I haven't found any green fish! Not one! And…" Edward trailed off, looking at the girl next to him.

She pointed to herself and smiled, "Crystal."

"Crystal," Edward continued as he turned back to me and looked completely dejected, "Says that green fish are really rare."

"It's fi-" I started, but Edward impatiently cut me off.

"Which doesn't make a lot of sense from an evolutionary perspective. Surely it would be a huge advantage to be a green fish when there's a shitload of algae and plants and other green shit around, right?" When I didn't react to his words he turned to Crystal and widened his eyes, looking a little crazed, "Right?"

She humoured him, "Right!" She replied passionately, though I could still see the mirth in her eyes.

"Exactly!" He pointed at Crystal, "She's a professional and she agrees that fish should be green. Why are there no green fish, Swan?" He walked up to me and grasped my shoulders, shaking me lightly, "Why are there no green fish?"

"You care way too much about this," I said through my laughter.

His lips twitched, but he kept up his angry act, "I don't understand these stupid animals and I think God made a mistake when He created them."

"Can you start over again? I want to record it so I can show it to Jazz."

He broke and grinned, laughing along with me. "You seemed pretty set on a _green_ fish."

I shrugged and his hands fell from my shoulders back to his sides, "It's honestly not that big a deal," I peered around him and waved to the shop attendant, "Thanks for your help, Crystal."

She smiled broadly, "It was my pleasure."

I didn't doubt that for a second.

"So you're not getting a pet?" Edward asked as we walked out of the store.

"Nope."

"So the trip to the pet store was for nothing?"

"I guess."

"So you weren't working on a case?"

He didn't stop walking but I did notice him smirking, a smug look on his face.

I feigned nonchalance, "Maybe."

"Hmm," he hummed and remained silent on the rest of the walk to the car.

"So are you going to tell me about Daniels or do I have to ask?" It had taken me a great deal of patience to wait this long to ask.

Edward pursed his lips as he took off at an unreasonably fast speed.

"Don't think so," he finally said.

I wanted to punch his stupid, beautiful face, "Why not?"

Edward raised an eyebrow, "Did you just growl at me?"

"Don't avoid the question."

"That was definitely a growl. It's very sexy, Swan. You should do it more often."

I tried not to think about the way his lips curved around the word _sexy_. I was unsuccessful.

"Why won't you tell me?" I pleaded.

Edward sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "I don't want to give you any reason not to trust him. That's the worst thing that could happen to a team…"

I blinked once, twice, then turned and stared straight ahead.

"What?" Edward asked after a minute of silence, "You're just going to drop it now?"

I almost laughed, "Why do you sound so surprised?"

"You're pretty relentless, Swan," he stated.

I nodded, because he was right, "That's true."

"Why'd you drop it?"

"Edward, it's pretty clear you want to tell me the story."

His expression morphed from curious to sad in less than an instant, "No, I don't," he said quietly.

"Then I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do," I shrugged, "You'll tell me when you're ready."

He didn't reply, but gave me a tiny nod.

I tried to ignore the suddenly tense atmosphere and stared out the window. My eyes were already heavy despite the fact that it was only five. I leaned my head against the window and prayed that Edward wasn't anal about markings on his glass or something ridiculous like that. For the first time in a long time my mind was clear – I didn't think about Charlie or Emmett or work, I just let myself be in the moment; this quiet, simple moment with Edward and his expensive car. And I was comfortable.

Soon, too soon, we pulled up outside my apartment building. I sighed, murmured a quiet goodbye to Edward, and dragged my feet up the four flights of stairs. I stumbled a couple of times and my limbs were heavy with exhaustion. If I hadn't known any better I would've thought I'd been drugged.

As I approached the final flight of stairs I heard voices…soft, quiet murmurings that had me cautious and reaching for my holster. The sounds grew louder and louder until the stopped abruptly. I was at the bottom of the staircase so I couldn't see who was speaking, but then I heard a loud bang and a grunt, and I ran up the final flight of stairs, gun in hand and safety off. A thousand scenarios ran through my mind; _What if Mrs Cope hurt herself? What_ _if someone was breaking into her apartment again? What if Charlie isn't who I think she is?_

I hadn't really expected the sight of Alice with her legs wrapped around Jasper's waist as he pressed her against my apartment door.

 **A/N:** I know I say this every time, but thank you so much for your kind words and wonderful reviews. They make me happier than you could ever know.

Also, I got a twitter! I post teasers there sometimes and I talk a lot of shit, so if you're into that follow me bonovffn

See you in a fortnight!


	11. Weak

I'm an asshole. Also, it's a short one, guys. Sorry.

 **Disclaimer: Steph Meyer owns Twilight. I own very little other than a shitty internet connection.**

Chapter 10

I paced in front of the two very guilty looking adults that were sat upon Jasper's couch. I couldn't help but feel like a disgruntled parent disciplining a couple of misbehaving children and honestly the whole image made me want to burst into laughter; but they seemed to think this was a big deal, so I decided to play along.

"Who knows?" I tried to channel my inner Dad Voice, though I'm sure I sounded ridiculous as I spoke in a lower octave and turned my somewhat stern gaze in their direction.

"No one," the both answered. Alice was holding Jasper's right hand, her knuckles white from the strength of her grip, and I noticed Jasper was wincing every now and then.

"Oh!" Alice jumped slightly in her seat, glanced quickly at Jasper, and then faced me again, "Shelley knows. Mrs Cope form next door."

I nodded and didn't ask for futher details, because I really _really_ didn't want to know how Mrs Cope found out. And from the pink tinge on Alice's ears, it seemed she also didn't want to share that information.

I wasn't really fascinated by the situation between Alice and Jasper. Yes, I'd seen some of the lingering looks they'd shared and just assumed there was some underlying sexual tension there. But I was honestly just grateful that I had found these two dry humping against the wall and it wasn't some axe murderer breaking into my home.  
I rubbed my forehead for show and closed my eyes, "How long has this been going on?"

They both answered at the same time.

"About a month."

"Four and a half years," Alice countered.

They both looked at each other in shock before Alice lowered her eyes and looked down at the carpet. "Fuck," she muttered, and my eyes widened in surprise at hearing the curse leave her mouth. It sounded wrong in her melodic voice.

Jasper heaved a sigh and confirmed what Alice had previously said, "Four and a half years."

I nodded again and sat down in front of them on the coffee table. Alice didn't raise her gaze from the floor and Jasper was alternating between bouncing his leg and constantly shifting his weight on the couch. I'd never seen Alice so anxious before and it was strange to me to see the cool, calm, and collected detective beside her so uncomfortable and nervous.

"What do I do now?" I queried.

Jasper cleared his throat and leaned forward, still keeping Alice's hand in his own, "Well, we'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Edward."

Alice raised her head slightly and looked at me nervously out of the corner of her eyes. I looked back and forth between them and didn't say anything, just letting them sit there and stew for a moment.

"Okay," I finally said after a couple of minutes.

Alice's head shot up all the way and Jasper looked confused.

"Okay?" He clarified.

"Yeah," I shrugged casually, "It's none of my business – you're both consenting adults – and you've been keeping it from him for half a decade so clearly you have your reasons."

Jasper sagged in relief but Alice was still looking at me in surprise, her mouth opening and closing and no sound coming out.

I waited her out, raising my brow and gazing at her patiently.

"We're not…we don't _want_ to lie to him." She finally stammered.

I shook my head, "Like I said, Alice, it's none of my business. I'm not going to lie to him, but if he asks me straight out I'll just ask him to talk to you."

She huffed and turned to Jasper, who had his usual pleasant smile back on his face once he realised he wasn't in any trouble. Upon Alice's glare, however, his expression morphed once again to one of confusion.

"She shouldn't have to lie for us, Jazz," she whispered, her voice broken and sad.

Jasper frowned and pulled Alice down so her head was resting on his shoulder. I looked away because the moment seemed far too tender and private.

"Do you want to tell him?" Jasper asked.

"I don't want to lose you," came her quiet reply.

I stood and awkwardly cleared my throat, "I'm just going to go," I pointed in the direction of the door when they both looked up at me, "Let me know if… Yeah, I'm just going to go."

I quickly scuttled away and made my way to my own apartment. I didn't expect them to be so… _intimate_ and caring with one another. And why where they hiding it for Edward?

"None of your business, Swan," I muttered to myself as I collapsed on my bed and threw an arm over my eyes, "None of your business."

000

She was late. She'd never been late before. In fact, every time we'd met she'd been sitting in our booth waiting for me. I was worried she'd run off after giving me everything she had, and that wouldn't look good for her – innocent people didn't run.

Then again, after all the extra information I'd gathered over the weekend it was entirely possible that she wasn't innocent after all.

I kept my eyes on the door while playing with my now cold coffee cup. My stomach was already churning, and I knew caffeine would only make it worse. My mind was in overdrive, contemplating my next move. I had to decide what to do if she didn't show. The obvious thing to do would be to speak to Marcus or Aro, because while her absence wasn't necessarily proof of guilt, it was suspicious, and I'd need to investigate her and I'd need the force's help to do it.

There was also the possibility that her absence was something bigger – something dangerous. My instincts were telling me that we were caught up in something huge and terrifying and we'd both need to tread lightly if we wanted to find Bree.

I almost collapsed in relief when Charlie stumbled through the door and half-tripped towards our booth, heavy bags under her eyes and her hair falling out of her low bun.

"Sorry I'm late," she panted slightly and reached for my coffee cup, drinking freely.

"No problem, Reneesme," I replied calmly.

Her eyes widened and she carefully put the cup back on the table, swallowing audibly.

"Or do you prefer Nessie?" I continued, my expression carefully blank.

She raised her chin slightly, meeting my gaze, "Yeah, Nessie's good with me." She reclaimed the cup and, looking over the plastic rim, asked with feigned nonchalance, "How'd you find out?"

"Bree's landlord. Lovely little man. Had you in as her emergency contact. Didn't seem to know that you were living with her."

Her gaze hardened she murmured, "Fucking Caius," under her breath before taking a longer gulp of coffee and slowly lowered the cup once more, "And how'd you find out I was living with her?"

I raised a brow, "I have my ways," I replied cryptically.

Nessie snorted, "It was one of her friends from the pet shop, right? Or someone from the bar?"

"What bar?" I asked a little too quickly.

Nessie rolled her eyes and leaned back, crossing her arms tightly over her chest, "Why are you investigating me instead of, oh I don't know, _trying to find my friend?"_

I stole my coffee cup back from her, "I need all the facts, Nessie. You wouldn't give them to me, so I decided to get them on my own."

She scowled but didn't argue, and I decided to use that to my advantage.

"How long have you known Bree?" I fired at her.

She shrugged and inspected her nails, "Little less than a year, maybe."

I fought the urge to whip out my notepad, knowing she'd become even more defensive if I did. "How did you meet?"

"College."

I frowned, taken aback for a moment, and couldn't help asking incredulously, "How old are you?"

Nessie raised her eyebrows, a slight smirk on her face, "Twenty-two."

"I thought you were seventeen or something," I breathed out in amused shock.

Nessie opened her mouth to reply, mischief in her eyes, so I quickly cut her off to get us back on track.

"When was the last time you saw Bree?"

What little light was left in Nessie's eyes diminished quickly as her face fell. "October 24th," she whispered.

I leaned forward and lowered my voice, matching her whisper, "Can you tell me about that day?" I asked gently.

She licked her lips nervously and lowered her arms, playing with the ever-present bracelets on her wrist, keeping her eyes fixed on them, "It just…it seemed like such a normal day." Nessie's voice had taken on a sort of dream-like tone, almost like she wasn't aware of what she was saying, "She was a little nervous in the morning, but sort of like an excited nervous, you know? She hadn't mentioned anything to me about the interview – probably because she didn't want to get my hopes up just in case she didn't get it. I had a shift that night so I knew I probably wouldn't see her until the next day and…that was it. We ate a late breakfast together, and then she was gone."

Nessie took in a deep, shaky breath, but still didn't raise her eyes. I gave her a minute before I decided to push my luck just a little bit.

"Was Bree just a friend?" I asked casually, sitting back a little and taking a sip from my now almost empty cup.

Nessie's head snapped up in shock, though she kept her expression suspiciously blank, "What do you mean?"

"I mean," I leaned forward again and lowered my voice, "You said you wanted me to find your friend. But you and Bree were more than just friends, right?"

Her expression didn't change save for the slight hardening of her jaw.

"No," she responded after a minute.

"No?"

"No, we weren't more than friends. There was never anything between us. I was in trouble and she helped me out. I owe her." Nessie stood then and gathered her bag, " _You_ don't have to help me," she didn't look at me as she spoke in a detached and cold voice, "I'll find someone else, or I'll find her on my own, I don't care. But if you're not going to help then tell me, because you're wasting my fucking time. And I can't waste time when it comes to Bree."

And with that she turned and barged out of the café without a backward glance.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, and called out, "Nessie!" I jumped up after her and tried to follow her out, but was knocked over by a man to my right as soon as I was out on the street and I lost sight of her as a result. The sidewalk was littered with businessmen and women, quickly making their way to work, and the copper curls of Reneesme disappeared in the waves of black and navy suits.

000

"I find you in this position way too often," Edward mused as he wandered into the break room Wednesday night, propping himself up on the bench and watching me wallow in self-pity.

Story of my life, apparently.

"I think better when surrounded by food." The repeated banging of my head against the table muffled my response.

"Does losing brain cells also make you think better?"

I didn't respond or look up, but I did, childishly, indicate with my middle finger that he should go fuck himself.

"What's got you in a mood?" I heard the chair next to mine scrape against the linoleum as he pulled it out to take a seat, "You're not –"

"Don't," I straightened quickly and put my hand firmly against his lips, his green eyes wide with shock and amusement, "I swear to God if you say _anything_ about PMS I will do everything I can to ensure you can never procreate."

I felt his warm lips twitching beneath my palm and I assumed they were curving into his signature smirk.

" _Ever,_ " I emphasised with a raised brow and what I hoped was a firm glare.

He tried to school his features, but couldn't keep the mirth out of his eyes. He did, however, nod once, and I cautiously lowered my hand from his lips, ignoring the warmth of my palm and fighting off the irrational jealousy that was burning up inside me.

Yeah, I was jealous of my fucking hand.

I had to do something about that.

I returned my gaze to the table and lifted my hands to my temples, partially to try and sooth the migraine I was currently suffering from and partially to hide the burn in my cheeks.

"But seriously," Edward leaned back in his seat, stretching his long legs out in front of him and hooking his feet around my chair legs so he could turn it to face him. I let out a little squeal and grabbed the edges of my seat to steady myself, shooting another glare at Edward who just shrugged unapologetically, "You've been down the past couple of days. What's up?"

"Just stressed out, I suppose," I mumbled, wrapped my arms around my middle. I felt so completely exposed around this man and it made me uneasy after going almost a whole year of being invisible and forgettable.

"About what, Swan?" He seemed relaxed, lounging casually in his chair, but his eyes… God those eyes didn't miss a thing; they were sharp and intense and focussed and a complete contrast to his unconcerned posture.

I found myself, once again, staring for a little too long, and I silently berated myself before quickly responding, "Stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Just work stuff, Edward," I answered impatiently, huffing loudly and looking away from him.

"What work stuff?" he pushed, unfazed by my shitty attitude.

I glared at him, "You're kind of a pain in the ass, you know that?"

He nodded seriously and I shook my head, though I couldn't stop the small smile from spreading across my face.

"I'm fine," I offered, "just a little overworked, I guess." I look at him seriously and bit my lip, "Thanks for asking."

He gave me a small, crooked smile, "I know you're lying," he said gently, "but I'm just letting you know that I'm here if you wanna talk or complain or cry or…" he waved his hand in a silent sort of _'etcetera etcetera.'_

I smiled hugely and looked away, because that was one of the wonderful things about Edward: he could be annoying and pushy and frustrating, but he knew when to back off and let me make my own decisions. He trusted me to know what was best for me, and that's something I hadn't experienced in a long time.

The fact that someone understood, that someone knew exactly when to push and exactly when to pull back, filled me with so much comfort and hope; hope for a future where I wouldn't be stuck in this horrible place and I could finally find life again.

I wasn't quite there, but maybe with time and a little help from my co-workers…. no, my _friends_ …maybe I could get there.

I was snapped from my thoughts by a loud groaning sound, and looking to my left I saw my phone vibrating on the table, Emmett's name flashing on the screen. I reached towards it but before I could get it Edward had snatched it up and answered with a pleasant, "Hello?" while my jaw hit the break room floor in shock.

Edward grinned widely at me and said in an overly sweet voice, "No sir, this is Edward Cullen. I've heard so much about you!"

"Edward!" I hissed, reaching over to grab my phone, but Edward stood calmly and turned away from me, continuing his conversation.

"Mostly good things. Can't say she doesn't complain about you from time to time." I tried fruitlessly to pull on Edward's arm, but he was a lot stronger than me; he didn't even budge and I groaned in frustration. Edward turned to face me and winked, using his free hand to push me away.

"She does get easily agitated, doesn't she?" Edward said playfully, still skilfully dodging my attempts at grabbing the phone, "Far too sensitive. But I have to say she has lightened up a bit. Did you know she called me an asshole on her face day here? It was the only thing she'd call me for the first three weeks, but now she hardly ever says it."

"I'm thinking of starting again," I snarled, shoving him hard into the counter top. He stumbled slightly but his smile never faltered. Instead, something Emmett said made him raise his eyebrows in surprise and possibly triumph.

" _Really?"_ he breathed almost reverently, "I'll have to remember that."

"Remember what?" I asked frantically, pushing Edward again.

"Just one second, Emmett," Edward cupped the bottom of the phone with his hand and turned to me, "I'm on the phone, Detective Swan," he said seriously, "and I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me finish this call."

I gasped and smacked his arm hard, grinning when I saw his slight wince. He wrinkled his nose at me and rubbed the spot, returning to the phone call.

"Sorry about that. I did have a question for you, Emmett."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion and Edward turned away from me again.

"Will we being seeing you for Christmas?"

 _Shit!_ The only thought running through my mind was that I had to get Edward off the phone before he caused any more damaged.

I jumped on to his back, tightly wrapping my arms and legs around him. He grunted at the sudden weight and fell forward slightly, catching himself with his free hand against the counter. Now that I was close I could hear Emmett fumbling for an answer through the phone, hesitating and unsure.

"That's cool, man," Edward stopped him, his voice a little strained, "Let me know when you figure it out."

I reached over to snatch the phone but Edward swerved suddenly, moving backwards, and I was forced to tighten my grip on him.

"It's just that I know Bella would really like to see you," he continued, twisting back on forth trying to throw me off as I growled in his ear.

"Do you know what Emmett? This really isn't a good time. How about I call you later this week?" Edward kept slapping my hands away, so I bit into his shoulder, and he gasped and reached down to pinch my thigh.

"All right, bye!" Edward rushed Emmett off the phone, hung up quickly and then began texting.

"What more could you possibly have to do!?" I exclaimed in shock, reaching towards the phone. But Edward stretched his arms to their full length and I had no hope of reaching them, so instead I squinted to try and see what he was typing.

"I'm sending Emmett's number to my phone, you maniac," he replied in a surprisingly calm manner.

I dropped my head to his neck in resignation as Edward sent the text.

"This is the worst day of my life," I moaned.

I felt Edward's body shake with his quiet laughter, "If it makes you feel any better, you won't have to deal with me at all tomorrow. Or Friday."

I frowned in confusion and lifted my head to see his expression, though all I got was the side of his face, "Why's that?"

Edward turned his head towards me, and his nose brushed mine before he pulled back a little, "It's Thanksgiving tomorrow. Did you forget?"

"Oh," I murmured, distracting by his warm breath hitting my face, bringing with it that familiar but unusual scent of salt water and cinnamon and a little something else. He was so close, _so close,_ that I could see that his irises were circled with a light brown colour around that vibrant shade of green that I was so familiar with. I was so close that I could see each individual eyelash, a shade darker than his hair, as they curled up and framed his eyes, so long and thick but not in a way that subtracted from his masculinity.

And those lips…God, those _lips_. They were pink and soft and slightly parted and just so. Fucking. Close. It would be so easy to lean forward and taste them, to pull his full bottom lip between my teeth and to taste his tongue with my own.

I looked back up to his eyes and felt my breath catch in my throat at the sight. Only half a second ago those eyes were their usual bright and shocking green, but now his eyes were almost entirely black and I could barely see any colour in them – all I saw was _desire_. I felt his breath against my cheek coming a little faster and his hands that had previously been holding my phone were now resting on the outside my upper thighs. I could feel the heat of his hands moving torturously slowly – up and down – through the thick material of my pants and my legs instinctively tightened around his waist.

It was too much – the feeling of his hands and the look in his eyes and his scent and his proximity… it was _too much_ and I felt a familiar tingle between my legs, my stomach jumping at the sensation that had become almost non-existent in the past year. I wanted him closer; I wanted his hands on my skin, not my jeans. I wanted to taste that salt water and cinnamon scent on my tongue. I wanted his hands on the _inside_ of my thighs amongst other places.

My eyes were drawn back down to where his pink tongue peaked out quickly to wet his lips, leaving them glistening. I felt my mind go blank and all my anxious thoughts disappeared and gave way to the instinctual _need_ I felt, and I slowly moved closer and closer, his lips just a breath away…

A sudden crash from behind me made me jump back as my eyes widened in shock and flew back up to Edward's, seeing the same surprise reflected there. His gaze then moved over my shoulder and whatever he saw there made him swallow audibly and drop his hands from my thighs. I took the hint and lowered my legs and arms quickly, subtly stretching them as they were stiff from being tense for so long. I took a deep breath and tried to control my expression before turning around to see Tanya standing in the break room, her eyes flashing with confusion, hurt, disappointment, before finally settling into a blank mask.

I cleared my throat quietly, straightened my shirt, and turned around again to grab my phone, which Edward had apparently placed on the counter. I didn't make eye contact with anyone as I turned back to walk out of the break room, keeping my gaze on my shoes the whole time, and trying in vain to ignore my burning ears and whirring thoughts.

 **A/N:** I'm so sorry to do this to you guys (again). Remember when I moved states? Yeah, I moved _again_. My internet connection has been scarce at best.

I split this chapter in two because it was a monster. Part two should be (fingers crossed!) up soon.

Furthermore, I'm looking for a beta. If you're interested please let me know!


	12. On my own

Hiiiiiiii, I'm back *chuckles nervously* I'm so very sorry, guys. Thanks for sticking around. On with the show…

 **Disclaimer:** **I don't own Twilight. If I did, there'd be a lot more swearing. And a bunch of innuendo and other nasty shit.**

Chapter 11

I was working late. _Again._ I didn't particularly want to make a habit of this, but the Captain had begun pushing me, giving me some higher profile cases and letting me help out over at Major Crimes. It wasn't that the work was too much; it was just so _exciting_ that I didn't want to step away from my desk. It was, however, very frustrating that I could go all day reading and re-reading a file and come up with nothing, but as soon as the clock hit 4:55 I'd suddenly find my mind overflowing with ideas and patterns and leads, and I couldn't bear to leave anything until tomorrow just in case I forgot it. So I'd frantically scribble everything that came to mind, practically destroying the file in front of me as my hand flew across the page with notes, and then I'd look up a minute later and see the clock laughing at me as it announced it was already 8:30.

"Big Belly, what the fuck are you still doing here?" Emmett rolled his chair over to my desk and plopped down, reading over my shoulder as I ignored the cramps in my hand and kept writing.

"Working," I mumbled.

"You stopped getting paid three hours ago."

I didn't respond.

"Belly, your hair is looking a little crazy…"

He reached down to ruffle it or mess it up or something, but without looking up from the page I was writing on I slapped his hand away, and kept slapping the air, hoping to make contact with his arm. Or his face.

"Fuck, you're touchy," he cursed.

I ignored him.

"Hey, it's been a while since I spoke to the Chief."

I grunted.

"Have you heard from him?"

"I called him this morning, Emmett. Fuck off," I huffed.

He was silent for a few minutes, spinning slowly in his chair and occasionally picking things up from my desk and inspecting them.

"Didn't you have dinner plans tonight?"

I snorted but again didn't say anything, leaning down closer to file I was working on, so close my nose was pretty much touching the page.

 _Her husband was out of town,_ my mind raced. _We have security footage from the hotel to prove it. He was on a business trip. But what if-_

"Does she always work this late?" A new voice said from behind me.

My pen stopped moving, suspended above the page, and my whole body froze.

"All the time!" Emmett groaned.

I slowly placed the pen down in front of me, straightened my back, and then spun my chair to face the man behind me. He simply stood there and grinned at me, his eyes creasing at the corners, his teeth peeking from beneath his thick moustache that was now sprinkled with grey and white among the brown. He was dressed more formally than I'd seen in a long time – black dress pants, a pale blue button-up and a navy tie.

I couldn't believe this shit.

"It's because my boss is an absolute dickhead," I managed to say through my shock.

Emmett punched my arm and the grin on Charlie's face fell as he quietly scolded, "Watch your language."

I simply smiled and launched myself into my father's arms. He stumbled backwards a little bit but held me close, wrapping his arms around my waist as mine encircled his neck. My eyes were wet with tears and my cheeks ached from grinning so broadly.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Old Man?" I whispered, still not letting him go.

Charlie grumbled, "I'm here to clean that dirty mouth of yours, baby girl."

I just laughed, giddy on his presence, and pulled away from him. I held on to his shoulders, getting a good look at him. The hair on his head was almost entirely grey now, though there were still a few patches of brown hidden here and there. He looked thinner than I remembered, but not malnourished.

"I think you're only here because you haven't had a home-cooked meal since I left," I teased. Had it really been two whole years since I'd been in Forks?

He looked down and chuckled quietly, "Maybe," he mumbled, and I laughed at him again.

"C'mon, Dad," I pulled on his arm and waved goodbye to Emmett, "Let me buy you dinner."

It's strange how you don't realise how much you missed someone until they were sitting right in front of you. Of course I'd seen my dad a fair bit over the past two years, but in between studying and work I hadn't had any time to go visit him. As I watched him curiously sniff a piece of Kung Pow Chicken, I vowed to myself that I would make more time.

Dinner was a lot of fun. Charlie had never eaten Chinese food before, so he spent a lot of time asking me what each dish was before handing the menu over to the waitress and asking for "Whatever you think is best," and waving her away. Though we talked every day there was still a lot to catch up on. Being semi-retired, Charlie didn't need to spend a lot of time at the station, though he found himself there most nights just hanging out with the guys and playing cards. He was still fishing, but he never actually brought any fish home anymore now that there was no one to cook it for him. "How did you get the bones out of those things, Bells?" He asked, and I almost wanted to yell at him because I'd complained about the goddamn bones every time he brought home fish, which was _every damn weekend._

We talked about my promotion, and as happy as Charlie was for me, he was still a bit nervous.

"Are you taking care of yourself, Bella?" He asked seriously.

"Always," I replied easily, "And if I wasn't you know Emmett would kick my ass."

He grunted and shook his head in amusement, but he still threw concerned glances my way throughout the night.

"How long are you staying for?" I asked as we were walking back to the station.

He shrugged and looked down, "I was thinking about spending the week if…if that's all right."

I grinned and shocked him with a hug, "It's more than all right." I kissed his cheek and let him go, "I'm really glad you're here, Dad."

He tried to hide it, but I saw him beam and blush a little, and I had to laugh at how this gruff, strong man was brought down by a kiss and a compliment. I grasped his elbow and we continued walking into the cold February night.

I opened my eyes and found the light from my alarm clock glaring at me: 3:34am. I groaned and rolled onto my back, staring up into the darkness.

I hadn't dreamt about that night in a long time. What's more, I'd never woken up before the…bad stuff happened. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I was too afraid to fall back asleep in case the dream picked up where it left off. I sat up in my bed and rubbed my eyes, thinking about the past few days.

Thanksgiving had been pretty boring, but for the first time in my life, luck had been on my side; I didn't run into Edward or Tanya at all over the Thanksgiving weekend, just like he'd predicted, but Jasper did stop by my apartment to drop over a couple of turkey subs on Friday afternoon. "From Esme," was all he said.

It had taken me a second to remember that Esme was Alice and Edward's mum and not a random restaurant or café that I hadn't heard of. The two days at the precinct kept me busy and passed quickly, which I was thankful for. I did manage to get away from the beat cops and grab some security footage from the day that Bree disappeared, but other than that I dealt with mostly family disputes and domestic abuse claims, most of which had thankfully been dropped by the end of the day.

Emmett called me early Thursday morning; he said it was because he wanted to wish me a happy Thanksgiving, but he spent most of the call talking about Edward and relaying some of the texts they'd already exchanged while I "hmm'd" and "ahh'd" in all the right places. I wasn't too bothered by it, though; it seemed that Edward genuinely amused Emmett and I wasn't going to take that sliver of joy away from him, not when I'd already taken so much.

As long as I kept myself busy I was fine, but then the weekend came and I had no work, no plans, and nothing to do. And when that happened my brain would often go into overdrive.

I managed to kill a few hours reviewing Bree's case and going over the notes Charlie/Nessie gave me, carefully sifting through every piece of information to see if anything jumped out at me. The security footage was of almost no help – I watched a whole day's worth of footage but didn't see anyone even resembling Bree show up at the precinct. Another dead end. So I turned back to Nessie's notes. Of course, I'd looked through the files hundreds of times, so I didn't find anything new and ended up spending the rest of the weekend tidying up the mess I'd made. I'd even gone to the mediocre downstairs gym and spent hours upon hours working the treadmill and pretended to pump some iron, but eventually my body just said 'No,' and I had to stop.

It seemed that the repression was catching up with me tonight, and my brain wanted to reward me by replaying terrifying memories and keeping me just on the edge of panic.

 _Thanks, Brain. After all I've done for you, this is how you repay me?_

I groaned again – silent conversations with oneself are never a good sign. Sarcastic conversations with one's brain were even worse.

I wasn't sure what to do. I hadn't been in this position in so long. I had work in a few hours and a mountain of cases to get through, so I really needed to get some sleep. It seemed preventative action would be best.

I slowly rolled out of bed and checked my cabinet for something to…uhh… _quiet_ my mind. When I didn't find my poison of choice I dragged my feet to the kitchen and searched there, but still couldn't find what I was looking for. I huffed and settled on an old bottle of scotch. I knew I was going to feel (and probably smell) like shit in the morning, but at least I'd get a few quiet hours of rest.

So I had a drink. And another. And another.

I drank until oblivion and darkness finally came over me, and my short sleep was dreamless and silent.

000

She wasn't in the café. Not that I expected her to be; I hadn't tried to find her and she hadn't made an effort to contact me, so I figured our partnership was over. But I still waited until the last possible second. I sat in our booth and restlessly tapped my fingers on the table and stared down a blonde kid that kept eyeing Nessie's seat.

When I finally had to leave, I paused at the precinct stairs and turned back to watch the café. Just in case. Just in case she was running late or maybe keeping an eye out for me as well.

With a final sigh, and a mental note to see if I could find some contact information for Nessie, I turned and rushed into the building, throwing a quick wave Alice's way as I passed her in the hallway.

And then I felt my stomach churn as the next disaster approached. _Edward_. I'd thought about him a lot this past weekend, but my sleep deprivation and mad rush to get to the café this morning had distracted me from the fact that I was going to see him for the first time since our almost-kiss-slash-weird-wrestling-match incident. So it wasn't until I was standing outside the briefing room and saw Edward sitting at the back – one leg propped up on the chair next to him as he bit into an apple – that I started to panic. It wasn't that I was embarrassed – even though I sort of was – and I wasn't worried about Edward being uncomfortable, because I knew the man was a professional at alleviating awkwardness. Mostly, I was uneasy about what this would mean for our…relationship.

 _Ugh._ The word itself made me mentally cringe.

I wasn't one to engage in gossip, but I'd heard the rumours; I knew Edward liked to get around. I'd seen the lust-filled gazes he received from most women in the precinct, some of them were hopeful while others – like Tanya's – seemed reminiscent. It was almost natural to expect that he'd go after a young, available woman that he was working in close contact with. And while I didn't have a problem with casual, mindless sex, I had a problem with it with _him,_ for reasons that I couldn't explain even to myself.

So as the heavy weight settled in my stomach and my palms began to sweat at the sight of Edward, I knew it was better to get this over with than to drag it out, and I quickly took a seat in the row in front of him.

"Good morning, Swan," he sang around a mouthful of apple. I turned around and saw him grinning without a hint of tension, and it instantly put me at ease.

"You're earlier than usual," I noted.

He raised a brow, "You're later than usual. Big night?"

"Big morning?" I countered.

He just shrugged and smirked.

"Who's the unlucky victim today?" I couldn't keep the amusement out of my voice.

Edward's mouth fell open in mock offense and he held a hand to his heart, "Unlucky? The individuals of this precinct should feel humbled to be selected to engage in this time-honoured tradition."

I shook my head and laughed, "Is it Gianna?" I had yet to see the woman smile – though I doubted one of Edward's pranks would cheer her up.

Edward scowled, "Please. It's Benji."

"The I.T kid?" I'd only met him twice, but he was a sweet guy, albeit a little strange. He wore huge glasses that magnified his brown, almost black eyes, making him look like a large fly.

"He has such beautiful brown skin," Edward sighed before taking a final bite from his apple and throwing the core at the bin at the front of the room. He missed by a foot, though he pretended not to notice and went on talking, bringing his leg down from the seat next to him and leaning towards me, resting his elbows on his knees.

"How was your Thanksgiving?"

"Um," I hesitated, distracted by his sudden closeness. I looked away before I answered, "Busy. Boring. Best I could've hoped for. Did you know that your apple core missed the bin?"

"Did you know that all the adjectives you used began with B?" He teased.

I turned back towards him and grinned, "I'm a natural poet." I shrugged modestly.

He smiled quickly, but then his brow furrowed and he frowned, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

I felt my own lips turning down in a frown and I was about to sniff my armpits, or check if I still smelled of scotch when I heard the chair in the row in front of me scraping against the floor and turned to see Tanya taking a seat directly in front of me, and Kate slipping in next to her. Kate turned and gave me a wide smile and an enthusiastic "Morning!" but Tanya didn't acknowledge my or Edward's presence.

I didn't have too much time to dwell on it, though, as Marcus walked in with his manila folder and began the morning briefing.

I tuned him out for the most part, only answering when I was asked a question and sitting up when I heard my name called. Aro had finally cleared me to take solo cases, but most of it was boring grunt work so I hadn't spent too much time out in the field.

Strangely, I wasn't as okay with that as I used to be.

"Bella," I looked up and saw Marcus squinting down and a sheet of paper in his hand, "Major crimes wanted you to take a quick look at one of their serial cases. Go speak to Sam Uley when you get the chance. Sound good?"

I nodded quickly, trying to hide my nervousness and excitement. A serial? I'd get to consult on a serial case? I couldn't even remember the last time I'd done that.

"Bella, I'll also need you and Kate to go down to LaGuardia. They found body parts in an unmarked bag. FBI is on the way but I need you both to just make sure none of the evidence is tampered with and brief the agents as soon as they get there."

Marcus shut the manila folder that sat on the small podium in front of him and looked up at all of us, "Any questions or concerns?"

There were a few murmurs and everyone began to stand before Marcus spoke up again, "Just a moment!"

Everyone lowered back to their seats and waited for Marcus to continue. He looked a little nervous.

"The Captain wanted me to remind you that we're having our training camp next weekend," everyone around me began to groan and Kate swore loudly, but Marcus raised his voice and spoke over the noise, "And he expects everyone to attend. No more fake appendectomies," he looked directly at Edward, and Edward turned in his seat to look behind him, as though expecting Marcus to be glowering at someone else.

Marcus just exhaled loudly, shook his head, and called, "Dismissed."

I had barely made it out of the room before Kate was pulling on my arm and chatting my ear off.

"This is so fucking exciting! God, I thought Marcus was never going to let me leave this fucking building. I'm going mad, Bella. I'm going fucking insane. There's only so long a human being can stare at these walls," she shivered dramatically and led me over to the garage. "I mean, I get that I was shot, but that's to be expected! That's the risk we take every fucking day. But it happens to me _once_ and suddenly it's a huge fucking deal! It's not. It shouldn't be. It didn't even hit any fucking bone. Like, fucking hell, it was barely a scratch everyone needs to stop treating me like a fucking child!"

She gasped suddenly and stopped walking, causing me to stumble as she still had a firm grip on my arm. She turned to me, eyes wide, "And you know what? Edward had the _exact same_ injury last year and he wasn't put on desk duty! They treat me like this because I'm a woman! They're doing this to me because of my vagina!"

We had already made it to the garage, so her final statement echoed throughout the room, and a couple of beat cops getting out of their car looked over at us curiously.

I shook my head in amusement. I really liked Kate.

"C'mon," I said to her, tugging on her jacket and pulling her towards the car, "Let's show the big boys what a couple of vaginas can do."

000

We had just stared at a couple of frozen body parts; examined them, photographed them, and bagged them. We'd been at it for over an hour. It was gruesome and would probably make most people throw up.

And all I could think of was that opening monologue from Love Actually.

 _Fuck you, Edward._

The agents had finally arrived and been briefed. Kate was just wrapping up with them now while I sat at one of the arrivals gates and waited for her. I should've felt sick or disgusted or heartbroken at the memory of those dismembered parts, but instead I just had Hugh Grant's voice in my head as I watched the people at the gate – _"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport"_. Men and women ran forward to greet their children, grandchildren, sisters and brothers and cousins and aunts and uncles and lovers and they just held each other – savouring the moment of reunion. It was difficult to think of death and sadness and the fucked up world when so much love was right in front of you.

Coming out of the gate behind the initial crowd was a young girl – about fifteen or sixteen – with beautiful brown skin and frizzy dark brown hair forced into a high ponytail. Her wide brown eyes searched the crowd frantically, darting quickly in different directions, while she tightly clutched her messenger bag and held one hand to her throat. And then a deep voice called out, "Aliah!" and she turned in the direction of the voice. Her shoulders lost their stiffness, her mouth curved into a wide grin and her eyes softened, crinkling at the corners as she began to run the few feet between her and the owner of the voice – an older man with no hair on his head but a thick black moustache and matching thick eyebrows. The girl – Aliah – launched herself at the man, who must have been at least forty, but he held her back; he held her and held her for several minutes, not moving or speaking. He eventually put her down and I saw them both wipe tears from their eyes, though their matching grins didn't falter for a second.

"Bella!" I heard someone yell. I swallowed past the slight lump in my throat before turning and finding Kate walking towards me.

"Let's go," she said when she was close enough. I just nodded and we made our way out of the airport towards the car parked out front.

"By the way," Kate began as though we were in the middle of a conversation. We weren't, "What the fuck did you do to Tanya?"

I frowned, "What?" I asked, confused, as I turned on the ignition and Kate fastened her seatbelt.

"She fucking hates you all of a sudden."

I almost laughed at the blasé way Kate said it.

"I don't think I did anything _to_ her," I defended, "Why do you think she hates me? Did she say something?"

Kate snorted, "I've known Tanya a long time. She's the most polite person I've ever met in my life. This morning? When she completely ignored you? That's the equivalent of her shitting on the hood of your car."

I chuckled, "That's disgusting, Kate."

"Don't change the subject," she chastised, and I saw her glaring at me playfully out of the corner of my eye, "Something happened. Spill."

I thought about it for a moment. I didn't want to get on anyone's bad side – especially not Tanya's. I _liked_ Tanya. She was…nice, albeit mildly condescending, and maybe just a _touch_ arrogant. But I couldn't imagine that she actually hated me just because she saw Edward and I almost…whatever.

"She didn't say good morning to Edward either. Does that mean she hates him, too?" I deflected.

"Maybe," Kate shrugged, "Or maybe she'd already seen him this morning."

"What do you mean?"

"Like maybe they were fucking last night and he stayed over." She said matter-of-factly.

I swallowed down the bile in my throat and concentrated on the road in front of me. I ignored the turning of my stomach and the rushing in my ears and the shaking of my hands. I ignored it all because I didn't want to think about _why_ I was feeling those things. I didn't want to think about why it mattered so much to me; why I cared so much.

So instead, I asked, with morbid curiosity and feigned indifference, "Is that a common occurrence?"

"Not so much anymore," Kate sighed, leaning back in her seat. "Tanya doesn't complain much, but boy did she yap my fucking ear off this past month, whining non-stop about Cullen and how she never sees him anymore and he doesn't call or come over or want her and _blah blah blah_. Like, it's the 21st century! Grow some ovaries and just go to him! It's not like the man will say no to a night of hot sex with a woman that looks like Tanya," she scoffed.

I hummed noncommittally and fought to keep my breathing even and my mind blank, though I couldn't stop it from going into overdrive.

Tanya wasn't just a one-night stand – they had a relationship. Maybe not a committed, loving relationship, but a relationship none-the-less.

But Kate said that Tanya had been complaining about not seeing Edward for the past month. What happened to make Edward want to stop?

I also felt my stomach drop at the thought that their…hook-ups were so regular that a month without one warranted complaint from Tanya.

I felt cheap and dirty and so ashamed that I'd let myself think for even a moment that I could have something with…

 _No_. I couldn't think about it right now. I couldn't. I was glad that I had this information now, so I knew exactly what to expect from Edward. It wasn't closeness or intimacy or romance. He wasn't looking for someone to confide in or someone to comfort. He was looking for a fuck buddy – just empty, mindless release. And it was naïve of me to want any more than that.

We remained silent for the rest of the drive. Well, I remained silent and Kate filled the silence with mindless chatter and endless, wonderful cursing. I was secretly storing a couple of her more colourful insults to surprise Emmett with the next time I spoke to him.

When I got back to my desk I found a very tall, very large man with short black hair and clear, russet skin sitting in my chair and chatting casually with Edward.

"Can I help you?" I asked as I approached the desk and both men looked up at me.

Mystery man stood slowly. "Detective Swan?" he asked and I nodded in confirmation. He stretched out his hand, "I'm Sam Uley. Marcus should've told you I was coming."

"Detective Uley," I replied formally, taking his hand and gripping it tightly, the way Charlie taught me, "Sorry if I've kept you waiting."

"Not at all," he shook my hand once more before letting go.

"Would you like to have a seat?" I offered when he didn't say anything else, gesturing to the seat on the other side of my desk. I knew this man was my superior, but I wasn't going to let him walk all over me.

He forced a polite smile and took the seat I offered him while I sat in my own chair behind my desk.

"So," I began, leaning forward and resting my clasped hands on the desk, "what can I help you with?"

Detective Uley placed a blue manila folder in front of me with the label "Eunuch" on the top. I could already sense where this was going. I opened the folder and the Detective began talking.

"About ten deaths over the past five years. We're not sure if they're all connected but the pattern and style is similar enough for us to make the assumption. Case went cold about a year ago, but it looks like the murderer is back. This body was found last night," he leaned over and flipped the page to an image of a man staring blankly at the ceiling, naked, and… "All men between the ages of 35 and 50, all castrated."

"Posthumously?" I asked, still reading the case files.

Detective Uley shook his head, "We don't think so."

I wrinkled my nose, my mind already running through motives and profiles. "Any other patterns?"

"All of them happened in the homes of the men, no signs of forced entry, nothing reported missing or damaged. Most of the victims were married and all were on the higher end of the income spectrum."

"Nothing else linking the men?" I flipped through the file coming across the grotesque photographs, taken from every angle, highlighting every injury.

"Nothing we can find," his voice was grave.

I nodded while reading a medical examiner's report.

"No calling card," I said to myself. _Damn_ , it was always easier when they let their arrogance get them caught. "Is the FBI getting in on this?"

"They are now. We have a couple of profilers coming in with their team tomorrow," he confirmed.

I looked up from the file, curious as to why he was asking for my opinion when someone with more experience and more knowledge than me would be at his disposal from tomorrow. Was this a test?

"What are your initial thoughts?" The detective asked expectantly, his gaze intense.

I pursed my lips and sat back in my seat, "Your typical serial murderer profile isn't going to fit here. Serial killers typically target people weaker than themselves – women, children, disadvantaged populations," I paused to see if Sam was following me, and he nodded in response, "But all these victims are strong, healthy males. So your killer probably isn't doing this for the love of killing."

"Then why are they doing it?" He probed.

I sighed and frowned, "The time between victims is too random for it to be systematic. I think it's fair to assume that the murders are a…reaction to something."

Sam nodded and gestured for me to continue.

"I can't be sure…" I hesitated, because this was my first real consultation, the first time this detective and this department and my Captain would see if I deserved this position. I took a deep breath, heard a Kate's loud voice in my head yell "grow some ovaries", and spoke, "I think it's fair to say you're murder's trying to send a message. The method of murder is far too organised and functional to be a crime of passion, so that will probably rule out spouses, children, friends, anyone they might be intimately familiar with. But the castration…" My fingers trailed over the images in the file, "They're definitely trying to send a message. They have a signature because they want others to know that _this_ is what's waiting for them. And look how clean the first kill was? This killer is experienced, but this signature is associated with a message. Most of the men were married?"

Sam nodded.

"To women?"

"Yes," he confirmed.

I pondered that for a moment before continuing, "Well then, assuming all the men are heterosexual, I'd say you're looking for a woman – almost definitely someone they're sexually associated with, but not someone they have an intimate relationship with. It's too sophisticated, too detached."

Detective Uley didn't say anything for a few moments, just kept looking at me, as though waiting for me to say something else. His intense stare made me want to confess to crimes I'd never committed, which I supposed was one of the things that made him such a good detective.

Finally, he took a card out of his pocket and held it out to me.

"This is my number. I'm sure you'd be able to find me if you need me, but just in case…"

I took it gratefully and gave a shaky smile.

"If you have any questions feel free to call me."

I nodded once and he stood up. "It was nice meeting you Detective Swan." He turned and said goodbye to Edward. I watched him as he approached the door that would take him back out to the hallway, but he paused at the threshold and turned back to me. He didn't say anything for a few moments, just stood there with a thoughtful look on his face while I waited.

Finally, he said, "I'll come find you tomorrow. When the FBI team gets here," and then walked out.

I let out a breath I hadn't even realised I was holding and leaned back in my chair. I could hear my heart beating in my ears and I let out a single, slightly hysterical laugh. I gave myself a moment to shake off my nerves and confusion and elation and a number of other unidentifiable emotions before shoving the folder into a drawer in my desk and taking out an unfinished report from last week. I'd freak out later. Or celebrate later. I hadn't decided yet.

"I didn't know you were so smart, Swan." I heard from behind me.

I smiled but didn't turn, "There are a lot of things you don't know, Cullen."

I heard him move. I wanted to turn around but I resisted temptation and remained focused on the report in my hands. I saw him perch himself on the corner of my desk and cross his arms. I kept staring at the report.

He didn't say anything and I didn't look up. I had only just realised that there was no one else in the room. Even Giana's desk was empty.

After about a minute of awkward silence he spoke.

"So."

"So," I replied.

"You're right."

 _Don't take the bait, don't take the bait, don't take the bait._

"I usually am," the dry response came out of my mouth before I could stop it and I silently chided myself.

I saw him grin quickly out of the corner of my eye, but I still, _still_ , didn't look up. I knew what those eyes could do to me.

He lowered his arms and leaned down closer to me. Close enough for me to faintly feel his warm breath on my cheek.

"There's a lot I don't know…about you," he exhaled.

My eyes drifted closed for a second before I came to my senses, shook my head, and asked in a too-loud voice, "What colour is your hair?"

I felt rather than saw him move away, "My hair?" His voice was amused and confused.

I finally looked up at him, but focused only on the locks on top of his head.

"It's like…it doesn't conform to a single colour." My waved my hand a little frantically, gesturing to his head and coming a little too close to smacking him in the face.

"My hair," Edward repeated. There was a small smile playing on his lips, but there was something more in his eyes…disappointment?

Regardless, I avoided his gaze and persisted with my ridiculous train of thought, "It red, but then it's not red because it's brown. But it's too…blonde to just be a reddy-brown. I don't know what to call it." And I huffed. I fucking _huffed_ because I couldn't think of an appropriate label for the colour of his hair.

Edward's gaze didn't waver, but his brows did shoot up a little, "You could just call it _my hair,_ " he spoke very slowly, as though I were a very small, very stupid toddler.

I ignored him and kept talking, because as it turns out, I was very stupid, "It's too red to be chestnut, too blonde to be burnt umber."

"Burnt umber?" There was more humour in his voice now, but I ignored him again.

"Maybe like a brown amber. Or a blonde mahogany. Or a coppery –"

"Not that I don't love this, because I do, I really do," He closed the space between us once more, but I leant back in my seat and kept my gaze firmly on his forehead, "I really feel like we should have a proper conversation. About things that aren't the colour of my hair."

"W-Why," I swallowed and took a shallow breath, and Edward just kept leaning closer, "Why do we –"

I saw movement over Edward's shoulder and in a panic I quickly shoved him away. Edward lost his balance and fell to the floor on his ass just as Jasper walked into the room.

"Shit!" I gasped.

"My thoughts exactly," Edward groaned, slowly pushing himself onto his knees.

Jasper stood in the doorway, mouth opening and closing, and I couldn't help but be reminded of an embarrassingly similar situation.

Jasper eventually gained his composure as Edward finally made it into a standing position, grumbling the whole way.

"I can leave if you guys need a moment alone or something," Jasper said, trying – in vain – to hold back his amusement.

"No!" I replied far too quickly. I didn't care, "No! No alone. Don't need any time alone," I babbled.

Edward scoffed and shook his head, "You think there's anything I'm too embarrassed to say in front of him?" he asked, gesturing to Jasper. "If there's something I wanna say, I'm gonna say it, Swan."

"Okay," I stood up and turned towards Jasper, "In that case you stay," I pointed at Jasper before pointing at myself, "And I'll just go."

"Or," Edward gracefully stepped in front of me, hands up at looking at me beseechingly, "You could just stay and we could get this over with."

I was far too scared to ask what _this_ was, so I deftly stepped around him and called, "Or not," over my shoulder as my half-ran out of the room.

I murmured a quiet, "Don't tell Alice," under my breath as I passed Jasper in the doorway, and saw him give a quick nod form the corner of my eye.

"I'll get you at some point, Swan!" Edward threatened from behind me.

I didn't doubt it for a second. And I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

 **A/N:** My thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by the shooting in Orlando. Much smarter people than I have said much more profound things about the situation than I ever could.


	13. I'm a novel

**A/N:** I'm so sorry. I adore every one of you that continues to give this story a chance.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But try and convince me that Stephenie Meyer didn't base her Edward on the Edward from Pretty Woman. Just try.**

Chapter 12

The next two weeks were both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I'd met the agents from the Behavioural Analysis Unit and sat in on a couple of meetings with the rest of Sam's team. They were making great progress on the case, and I got to see first hand what a unique perspective the profilers offered. I'd already learnt so much from them, and almost fell out of my chair in shock every time Sam asked for my opinion.

"You want _my_ opinion? Mine? You're talking to _me_?" I'd ask. And Sam would just raise an eyebrow and wait for me to get on with it.

One of the agents suggested I try out profiling school and told me I'd make a good addition to the FBI. I may have giggled hysterically in response before running to the bathroom to get a hold of myself. Maybe.

The situation with Edward, on the other hand, was a completely different story. I'd never noticed how much time we spent together at work. That, or Edward was deliberately hovering around me, refusing to let me out of his sight.

I suspected it was the latter. It seemed like something Edward would do, just to psych me out.

Luckily, I was a pro at avoidance – having Emmett around my whole life forced me to master that skill. I kept a close eye on how many people were in the room at any time, quickly darting from the room if the number dropped to 3. At lunchtime I'd hide out in the morgue with Alice, or in the lab with Seth, or make my way over to the café across the street, where I spent my time glaring at the weird blonde kid that kept staring me down every time I showed up. I hadn't been alone with Edward since the incident last Monday, and I gave myself a mental pat on the back for pulling that off.

Emmett had apparently decided to stop treating me with kid gloves and was constantly teasing me about Edward, pretending to act shocked when I'd answer my phone at night.

"I just expected Edward to pick up," he'd say, before continuing, "Actually, if Edward was there, you'd probably send me straight to voicemail," which would be followed by me calling him a bunch of vulgar names I'd learned from Kate.

Regardless, I'd avoided being alone with Edward, which meant that he didn't have the opportunity to seduce me, which meant that _I_ didn't have the opportunity to freak out and overthink and push him away because I was a coward and scared to get close to anyone.

Well, I did the freaking out/overthinking thing anyway. I just didn't do it in public.

And sure, I missed him, but I think missing him was better than the alternative. In any case, I was a little worried my luck was running out. It was Friday and as of tomorrow all the detectives in our squad were going to be in even closer proximity than usual for a whole weekend for our training trip. I was a little reassured by the fact that we'd be rooming together according to gender, so there'd be less opportunity for...ahh… _indecency_. But, that also meant that I'd be stuck all night with no-filter Kate and too-polite Tanya. And as much as I liked and respected them, I wasn't looking forward to spending 48 hours straight with them. God only knew how that would go.

I tried not to worry about it too much and instead tried to focus on what Alice was saying.

"What am I going to do all weekend? I'm going to be so _bored_!" She complained, spinning in her swivel chair while I demolished the Caesar salad in front of me. I'd become a bit of an addict in the past couple of months.

"Maybe you could visit your parents," I mumbled around a mouthful of lettuce and chicken.

Alice stopped spinning and faced me with a horrified look on her face, "I can't spend a whole weekend with my parents _alone_! They'll ask me…questions." She shuddered.

I almost choked on my salad at her expression. Smirking, I asked, "What sort of questions?"

"You know," she looked at me meaningfully, raising her eyebrows before whispering, "Questions. About…people." Her eyebrows rose even further when I continued to look at her blankly. "Questions about _boys_ ," she hissed.

"Ahh," I nodded with mock solemnity, "You're worried they'll ask you about all the crazy monkey sex you're having with Jasper."

"Shhh," She leapt from her chair and waved frantically in my direction, looking behind her as though expecting someone to magically appear.

"Sorry," I said unapologetically, trying to keep the grin off my face. "You're fun to fluster."

She narrowed her eyes at me as she sat back down, but I could tell she wasn't upset. "I need some ammo on you. It's not fair that you have all the power in this relationship."

"Please," I snorted, "No one would call me powerful if they saw the way you haul my ass around the shopping mall every Saturday. You're a force, Alice."

She allowed herself a triumphant smile as she nodded along, "That's true. But, we've been friends for what? Almost three months now? And you know more about me than I know about you."

I tried to hide my scowl as I looked into Alice's wide, innocent eyes. "What did you want to know?" I asked hesitantly.

"Don't look so scared!" She laughed at me and rolled her chair over until she was directly in front of me, "I wasn't serious about the whole power dynamic thing."

"I know."

"Good," she nodded again, "I just want you to know that you can tell me stuff. If you want. I'm very trustworthy." Alice shrugged with a small smile and then rolled her chair back, leaning against the counter and giving me my space.

I took a deep breath. "And…you can ask me stuff, too. If you want."

She grinned, "Great! Let's start."

"Now?" I asked, slightly horrified and wholly unprepared. I'd never really had a lot of girl friends growing up, or at any point in my life. Except Rose, but things were still pretty strained with that relationship. Alice was the first real female friend I'd ever had – without any agenda or ulterior motive – and I didn't really know what I was doing.

"Now," she confirmed before grinning impishly. "Do you want me to go easy?"

"Please," I requested desperately.

"You're an only child, right? Other than your sort-of brother, Emmett?" She fired off, a determined glint in her eyes.  
"Yeah..." I replied hesitantly.

"Tell me about your parents?"

I sighed. _Oh, Alice_. Her intentions were good and pure, but she'd unknowingly jumped on a landmine. And I wanted to tell her, because I couldn't lie to Alice – sweet, innocent, kind Alice. She'd given me so much of herself, and it wasn't fair of me to hold back, just like I did with Rose.

So I steeled myself, looked down at my salad, and answered as honestly as I could without breaking down. "They're…my parents…they aren't around anymore."

Silence followed my quiet declaration, before Alice broke it and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I just nodded. I'd heard that a lot ever since Charlie died.

 _"I'm so sorry for your loss."_

 _"He's in a better place now."_

 _"He loved you so much."_

They were just words – empty words spoken out of social nicety and awkwardness. It usually made the people saying them feel better, rather than the person listening to them.

I knew Alice was genuine when she said it, but they offered no comfort to me. They didn't mean anything.

"Would you like me to change the subject?" Alice asked quietly.

And I felt like shit, because I didn't want Alice to be scared to ask questions in the future. I just wished the questions she asked had better answers.

But, again, because I'm a coward, I answered, "Yeah," and ran away from my problems.

"What's going on between you and my brother?"

 _Uh oh_. A very dramatic change in subject, and I began playing with my fork as I looked up and asked, "What do you mean?" trying very hard to maintain eye contact, but not _too_ much eye contact.

"I don't know. There's just something…" she paused, "something's different. Something's happened."

She didn't appear angry or upset, merely curious. But I knew that Alice had had issues in the past with girls trying to get close to her so they could get to her brother. I didn't want her to think that was happening – that _wasn't_ happening, because I wasn't trying to get to her brother. I didn't want her brother. And maybe if I kept referring to him as " _her brother_ " in my head, all the lies about not wanting him would sound more convincing.

"Not sure what you're talking about, Alice. I guess we have a little more respect for each other now," I answered casually, and went with the good old trick of stuffing my face with food to buy myself time.

"Are you sleeping with him?" She asked calmly.

This time I did choke on my salad, and not out of amusement.

"What?" I rasped, coughing on dressing and lettuce, "What the hell, Alice? No! No." I replied firmly.

She raised a brow, "You sure?"

"I think I'm able to positively identify who I am and am not sleeping with so yeah, I'm pretty sure." I replied sharply.

And of course, Edward chose that exactly moment to saunter into the room, eyebrows raised and lips curved up into that ever-present smirk while I prayed for God to have mercy on me and just hit me with a lightning bolt or something.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything," he drawled, leaning against the counter next to Alice and reaching over to ruffle her hair like he always did. What a fucking asshole.

Alice deftly smacked his hand away. "Jeez you're a pain. What do you want?'

"You should be nicer to me," Edward said, pulling Alice to his side and wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "You're not going to see me all weekend. Make the most of the little time we have left."

"Whatever," she replied, poking him in the ribs but smiling all the same, "It'll be nice to not have to deal with your terrible cooking and half-naked self parading around the apartment."

"Shut up, Ali. You know you'll miss me," he leaned down and gave her a loud, obnoxious kiss on the cheek while Alice pretended to struggle, and I couldn't help but smile at their affection. He really was an asshole, but it was clear he adored his sister.

"Anyway," Edward continued, stretching back up and turning to me, "I'm here for Isabella. I need her assistance with something."

"Can't," I replied, pointing to my now almost finished salad, "I'm busy."

"Too bad," he shot back, grabbing my wrist and pulling me from my perch on the examination table, forcing me to drop my salad.

"No," I moaned as I tried to pull back, but his grip was too strong. I turned back to Alice and mouthed, "Help me!" but she only laughed and wiggled her fingers in a wave.

Edward didn't loosen his grip on my wrist as he pulled me up the stairs and down the hallway.

"Where are you taking me, asshole?" I asked indignantly. I didn't like to be manhandled.

Edward looked at me over his shoulder with a raised brow, "Are we back to asshole, now?"

"For the moment."

I could see that he was leading me into the interrogation room and I began to panic.

"Seriously, Edward," I began with an edge of hysteria in my voice, "What are you doing? This is harassment."

He released my wrist and instead placed his hand on the small of my back, still urging me towards the very dark, very private interrogation room.

"I need you," he answered without looking at me, and _oh_ , those words did things to me, "And you've been avoiding me, so you've really brought this on yourself, if you ask me."

Edward opened the door and indicated with a flourish of his hand for me to enter.

"Fine," I responded with false bravado and walked into the room, waiting for him to close the door before turning to face him, "You want to do this now? Let's do this."

"Swan –" he started.

"No," I cut him off, and felt all the anxiety of the past two weeks pulse through me, just waiting for a release, "No, you shut up. I'm talking now."

His eyes widened in shock but he didn't say anything.

I took a steadying breath and then let go.

"I get it, okay? I get it. I'm the new girl and I didn't fall for your charms so I'm a challenge, and that's appealing to you and exciting and exhilarating. I get it," I narrowed my eyes and pointed at him, "But I'm not the kind of girl you just fuck and forget. I'm not going to open my legs for you just because you're…you know…just because you look the way you do."

Edward didn't react, but leaned back against the door and crossed his arms over his chest. I couldn't read his expression; it was completely blank. My hands fell to my sides, my nails digging into my palms as I tried to channel my anger and conviction. I began pacing around the room, trying to get all my pent up energy out of me, trying to find the right words for what I was feeling.

"And yeah, I kind of came at you that day before Thanksgiving weekend. And I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable or gave you the wrong idea. It won't happen again. There are plenty of women here that would bend over backwards – literally – for a night with you, so you could just, you know, take your pick."

He still wasn't speaking or reacting, so I just kept talking.

"And I can't do the casual fuck buddy thing either, because we work together, and a situation like that could only end in disaster for both of us. And I know you have a weird thing with Tanya and that's fine if that works for you guys, but I'm not Tanya. I don't do casual. I can't.

"And I'm not going to bother entertaining the idea that you want something more serious," I laughed incredulously at the very thought of it, "but on the off chance that you do, you need to know that I'm way too fucked up to get into something like that with anyone. And I don't know if you know, but a bunch of girls have befriended Alice just so they could get to you. I can't do that to her. I can't do that to Alice. She doesn't deserve that."

And Edward, still stone faced, didn't say a word. I could feel my ears burning and my palms sweating with nerves. I stopped pacing and faced him full on, hands still clenched in nervous fists by my sides.

"You can, you know, un-shut up now." I mumbled lamely.

He paused, before clearing his throat, straightening up again and taking a couple of steps towards me.

The next words that came out of his mouth were both unexpected and completely mortifying.

"I need a psych eval," he said expressionlessly, and jerked his thumb towards the double-sided mirror, behind which sat a nervous looking teenage boy.

For a moment I didn't move. It felt like my brain was buffering, not fully processing what my ears and eyes were telling it. My mouth opened and closed several times, but no words came out as the confused fog began to clear.

"Oh," I replied quietly after a very long pause, looking at the boy and refusing to make eye contact with the terrifying man next to me. I swallowed audibly and asked with a forced air of indifference, "Anything in particular?"

"Cognitive assessment," he continued in the monotone voice, "He's been brought in a couple of times. He was on his last warning. Got caught early this morning with a couple of other kids vandalizing his High School's gym. I think he might be cognitively impaired."

"Where are the other kids?"

"They left him and ran off."

"All right," my voice was low and quiet and lacked all the false confidence from before, "I can have a report on your desk in a couple of hours."

Edward didn't reply, but I heard the door click closed as he left the room.

000

Marcus kicked us out of the precinct at exactly 5pm with a warning that if we were late tomorrow morning the whole team would be punished with an indefinite number of sit-ups. But despite the fact that I was home early and packed and prepared, I still couldn't sleep. Every time I thought about what I'd said to Edward I'd groan to myself and pray that I could just dissolve into nothingness. I was so completely mortified and I didn't know how to be around him now.

And in the quiet and darkness of my room at night, it was harder to lie to myself. The truth was that I was incredibly, ridiculously attracted to Edward. But it was so much more than that – I liked his company, I liked his teasing, I liked his faith in me and I liked the way he smelled and how good he was at his job and his passion and his protectiveness and the way he loved his family and friends with everything he had.

I liked that he never stopped pushing me to open up and I liked that he scared me shitless. I even liked how disgustingly arrogant he was. And I liked how I could see through the cockiness he used as a shield to stop anyone from getting too close.

I liked so many things about that man and I had no idea how to handle it.

And I hoped with everything that I had that I hadn't ruined things between us. Because I couldn't have him in the way I really wanted – I knew that – but I'd take anything he was willing to give me. And it still wouldn't be enough.

I managed to nod off around 4am, and so was incredibly bleary eyed and sluggish when I hauled myself onto the mini-bus that was waiting for us at the precinct.

"Damn, Bella," Jasper called from the backseat and I slowly shuffled towards him, "You don't look so great."

"Thanks," I grunted, taking a seat in front of him.

"Are you all right?" He asked, concern in his tone. I must have looked worse than I thought.

"Mmmm," I hummed, "Sleep now." I laid my head on the window next to me and tried to get comfortable.

"Better get a few winks in while you can. Edward won't leave you alone if he knows you're trying to sleep."

I snorted, "Edward doesn't want anything to do with me. Trust me."

There was a beat of silence before Jasper awkwardly responded, "Okay then."

I closed my eyes and ignored the way the shaking of the bus caused my head to vibrate against the window and instead tried to drift off into oblivion.

A couple of minutes later I was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness when I felt rather than heard Edward get on the bus. Because apparently my body does that now; it just _knows_ when he's near. I kept my eyes closed, even though my body was way too alert now for sleep to be a possibility.

"Hey man," I heard him say. His voice was uncharacteristically soft and subdued.

"Hey," Jasper replied.

I heard him shuffle around and seat himself behind me, next to Jasper.

"She all right?" Edward asked quietly.

"I don't know. I think she's just tired."

"Could she have picked a more uncomfortable position?"

There was no response.

I heard Edward shuffling around again and then suddenly felt his shoulder brush up against mine as he took the seat next to me. I had to stifle a gasp when I felt a warm hand on my neck, gently pushing and angling my head towards him. I let myself go limp in his grasp and felt him carefully rest my head on what I assumed was the crook of his neck. I buried my nose into the soft skin there, and his cinnamon and petrichor scent filled my lungs as his arm came around my shoulders, rubbing up and down, warming me.

An involuntary sigh fell from my lips, but I didn't have time to feel embarrassed over it, because I immediately fell asleep in Edward's arms.

000

"There have been a number of recent developments in child interrogation techniques. Child testimonies are becoming a less reliable source in criminal and civil trials, which only emphasises the importance of the original statement gathered. It is vital that all relevant areas are covered and details are appropriately documented…"

The man at the front of the room, who looked to be about 80, continued droning on in his inflectionless voice. I had zoned out about half an hour ago and figured reading the packet would be less boring than listening to Professor Monotone speak.

Instead, I took the opportunity to look around the room. James wasn't even pretending to pay attention. Neither was Kate; she had her phone out and a mischievous smile on her face. I guessed she was dirty texting Garrett. Tanya was doing a better job at pretending, though I did catch her sighing every couple of minutes and darting her eyes around the room. There were a few other detectives scattered around the room that had the same look as Tanya – pretending to listen but probably imaging tetris blocks flying behind the speaker's head.

Jasper was a surprise, diligently writing notes without actually looking down at his page. His eyes were wide, glued to Professor Monotone and his mouth agape. Edward was in the same row as me, and while he appeared to be taking the lecture seriously, I did notice his head tilt in my direction every so often. I tried not to let it unnerve me. Tried and failed.

After the most comfortable nap I'd ever had in my life, I woke up slightly panicked – confused about where I was and how I'd got there. When I came to my senses, I panicked even further, worried I'd drooled on Edward's leather jacket or snored or spoken in my sleep or done something equally as embarrassing. I'd shot up and almost banged my head on the window as I turned to Edward, eyes wide and hand on my mouth, making sure my saliva had stayed mostly in my mouth.

Edward didn't say a single word to me, just quietly got up and taken the seat next to Jasper, while I sat there, looking like a complete idiot.

"A psychological analysis can be invaluable to an investigation and can provide insight into the motivations and thoughts of an unsub…"

God, this man was exhausting. I didn't know why Marcus insisted on me being a part of this. It was like my listening my shitty psych lectures all over again.

An hour later we were finally finished with the Professor, and Marcus shuffled us out of the conference room turned lecture theatre, ordering us all to get changed into our gear.

The men and women separated as we made our way to our respective rooms to get ready. The room I was assigned to was small – just three single beds laid out next to each other and a tiny bathroom. Tanya and Kate began stripping as soon as we got into the room, caring very little about who saw what. I was a little more tentative, changing with my back to them and my arms covering all my important bits.

"You looked pretty comfortable on the bus, Bella," Kate called out, teasingly but not maliciously.

"Yeah," I mumbled back. I wasn't sure what else to say.

"Anything going on there?" she asked.

"Nope," I replied easily.

"Really?"

"Really," I assured her.

Kate huffed, "That _sucks_. I want some fucking _drama_ in my life."

"Oh come on, Kate," Tanya said lightly, a smile in her voice, "It's _Edward_. There's never any drama when it comes to him."

I kept my head down and focused on getting my pants on.

"Are you kidding me?" Kate called back, "There's always drama when it comes to Edward! When he's having sex, there's drama. When he's not having sex, there's drama. When no one knows whether or not he's having sex, there's drama! Every conversation at work that isn't about work is about his sex life." She sighed indulgently, "I wish _I_ had that sort of attention."

I snorted lightly and was zipping up my jacket when I noticed my phone lighting up and vibrating on my bed. I quickly slipped out of the room before I could be dragged into another awkward conversation and answered the call.

"Hello?"

" _Big Belly!"_ I heard from the other end. I rolled my eyes but smiled at his exuberance as I made my way out the exit and onto the large field behind our cabin where an obstacle course had already been set up.

"Hey Emmett."

" _Uh oh,_ " he replied warily.

"What?"

" _Your voice._ "

"What about it?" I asked, confused.

" _It sounds like it did a couple of months ago."_

I paused for a moment, frowning, "What are you talking about, Emmett?"

" _Forget it,_ " he responded quickly, " _Don't worry about it. How are you?_ "

I debated pushing him on the issue, but then figured it was a bad time, as I noticed Marcus walking around the field with another very large man and figured everyone else would be making their way out soon.

"I'm fine," I said into the phone, and was met with a quiet huff. I ignored it. "We're at the campsite. Sat though a couple of boring seminars. How are you?"

" _Yeah, all good here. Things are pretty quiet today so I thought I'd check it. You bunking with Edward?"_

"Emmett," I groaned.

 _"Is that a yes?"_

"Fuck you."

He laughed, " _Guess that's a no. You'd be way less shitty if you were getting regular orgasms."_

"Oh, my God," I breathed, covering my now flushed face with my free hand, "I can't believe you. You must be bored out of your brain if you're calling to tease me about my sex life. Or lack thereof," I hissed.

I heard the cabin door squeak open from behind me while Emmett continued to guffaw over the phone. I groaned again and said, "I've got to go, Emmett, before my lack of filter causes me to embarrassed the fuck out of myself in front of a colleague. _Again_."

 _"Toodles!"_ He called before I cut off the call.

I didn't turn to face the person behind me as I spoke, "Please tell me you didn't hear anything about orgasms just then."

"I didn't hear anything about orgasms just then," I heard the velvety voice say from behind me. Just my luck. I just closed my eyes and shook my head vigorously back and forth. Maybe if I shook my head hard enough I'd cause enough brain damage to forget what was happening.

When it didn't work and I began to get dizzy, I just sighed heavily and threw myself ungracefully, cross-legged, onto the ground.

I saw Edward sit next to me, though he left a bit of distance between us.

When neither of us said anything after a couple of minutes, I swallowed my pride and spoke up.

"Are things going to stay weird between us?" I mumbled, staring straight ahead.

He didn't say anything, and as the silence dragged on I began to think that he hadn't heard me speak.

"Things have always been weird between us." He finally replied. His voice was gentle, though I could hear the frustration in it.

I turned to face him and saw that he was also staring straight ahead, his knees against his chest and his arms crossed in front of them. He was completely still, which was a strange look for Edward. He was almost always fiddling with something or fidgeting or running his hands through his hair, doing _something_. I couldn't see his expression, but I saw that his jaw was slightly tensed, and the thought that he might be as nervous as me was, strangely, reassuring.

But his response confused me. Had I imagined the friendship between us? The understanding? The camaraderie?

"What do you mean?" I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice.

He took his time replying again, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"What do you want from me, Bella?" His voice matched mine – careful and cautious.

And that was a hell of a good question. One I didn't have a chance to answer because the rest of the squad was making their way to the field, sitting around us as we waited for Marcus to start us off. I looked away from Edward and instead tried to listen to what Marcus was saying.

My mind was preoccupied, my thoughts running away from me as Marcus introduced us to the trainer and talked us through the obstacle course. I felt like my body was on autopilot – I felt the burn of my muscles and the tightness of my chest as I made my way through the course and ran laps around the field, but I felt almost disconnected from my body. It was a strange sensation, just like when I disconnected myself from my emotions, but backwards…sort of.

The next thing I knew we were dragging our feet to the dining hall.

"What's next on the list, Sarg?" Kate asked as she spooned some mashed potatoes onto her plate. I was sat between her and Jasper, Marcus was across from me, and Edward and Tanya were on either side of him. James sat sullenly at the end of the table, studiously ignoring the rest of us as he shovelled some meat-substitute into his mouth.

"Gun safety and dealing with mental health issues."

There was a collective groan around the table, and Marcus just smiled in response.

The rest of the day was busy but passed relatively quickly. While the seminars were boring, we were out on the field before we knew it, going over some basic combat techniques and focused mainly on how to dodge blows rather than deliver them. I may have enjoyed delivering blows to our hulking trainer a little too much, imaging the man's face was Emmett's cocky one, and then Edward's, and then James'. The guy still pissed me off, even though he hadn't spoken to me again after calling me a slut.

Yeah, I can hold a grudge.

But despite the full day, I couldn't sleep at all that night. And not just because Kate sounded like Mac truck when she slept.

I sat up in my bed and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms before dropping my hands and slumping forward. I was tired. Of constantly being tired, of feeling lost and confused, of missing my dad.

I was tired of always feeling guilty. I was tired of hating myself.

I slipped on my runners and a jumper and quietly made my way out of the room. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for a couple of hours at the very least and figured I could waste time walking around the field for a little while.

It was pitch black outside, and the cold air was a welcome shock as I breathed it in greedily.

It was so dark that I didn't see him sitting there until I'd taken a couple of steps and he'd stood up and turned towards me. It was so dark that I couldn't see his features, couldn't distinguish his expression, but I still knew it was him.

My body just _knew_. _Stupid fucking body._

"What are you doing out here?" I blurted out, cringing as my voice came out sharper than I'd intended.

"Couldn't sleep," Edward's voice was rough and he cleared it quietly before asking, "You?"

"Same."

We stood awkwardly, avoiding each other's gazes and not speaking, before I looked up and hesitantly asked, "Do you want me to leave?"

His head snapped up too, "No. No, stay."

"Okay," I whispered.

He turned away from me again and sat back down, and I slowly made my way over and sat next to him, my legs out in front of me and my fingers tangling in the grass by my sides.

The silence was almost soothing, a welcome reprieve from the noise of the past day. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, focusing on the feeling of the cool air on my skin, the spiky grass in my palms, the brightness from the moon penetrating through my eyelids, the warmth radiating from the man next to me. I felt the tension seeping from my body and my shoulders lose their stiffness as I slowly let out a deep breath. Strange how, despite the discomfort and strange tension between us, being in his presence could comfort me so much. I felt like I could sleep right there, on the cold, dewy grass, as long as he was here next to me. I found the peace that I was searching for.

Edward was my peace.

"God, Bella," Edward choked out quietly.

I opened my eyes slowly and turned to look at him. Even in the darkness I saw that characteristic intensity in his eyes. His mouth was slightly parted and his chest was rising and falling with quick, shallow breaths.

"Wh-" I started, but didn't get out because then Edward crushed his lips to mine. Both of his warm hands framed my face, and while he moved quickly, his hands were incredibly gentle as he stroked my cheekbones.

And his lips… I was right all along; they were incredibly soft and warm and just a little wet as he used them to part my own frozen lips slightly, and I felt his hot breath in my mouth, making me gasp.

But before I had a chance to react and kiss him back, he pulled away, hands falling to his sides, eyes wide and horrified. I couldn't even imagine what my own face looked like, though I knew my eyes were just as wide as his right now.

"Shit," he breathed.

"What…" my voice came out as a squeak and I swallowed to wet my suddenly dry throat.

" _Shit_ ," Edward said much more sharply now, standing abruptly as his hands went to run through his hair. He turned away from me and I scrambled up after him, watching his hands scratch furiously at his scalp before they came to rest at his neck.

"Edward –" I wasn't sure what to say. My first instinct was to turn and run back to my room and pretend nothing had happened, but I was tired of taking the easy way out.

And I wanted a chance to kiss him back.

Edward turned back to face me, his brows were furrowed and his mouth was turned down into a frown. He dropped his hands from the nape of his neck and shook his head vigorously.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, " _Shit_ , I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. I felt my heart in my throat, choking me. He regretted it. He so clearly regretted it. My breath came out in shallow pants as I swallowed back the ridiculous tears that threatened to make an appearance.

When he opened his eyes, however, there was a fire and intensity there that shocked me. His tortured demeanour transformed completely, and he stood up straighter and pointed his finger at me as his eyes narrowed.

"This is all your fault, you know," he accused.

"Mine?" I squeaked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You!" He replied furiously, waving his hand up and down my person, "Just you. You just stand there…sit there…with the fucking moonlight on your face and you just looked so fucking relaxed and God _damn_ it, Bella. You're just so fucking beautiful."

My mind froze, and I faintly registered that my panting was coming faster and that I sounded a lot like an overexcited puppy. But I was just so _confused._ I hated not understanding things. It made me frustrated.

"I'm in my pyjamas." I don't remember thinking the words, but I did hear them come out of my mouth.

Edward continued as if I hadn't spoken, gesticulating frantically, "You don't even see it. You don't even know. You think I just wanted to fuck you? That I wanted you because you were a new piece of ass?" He laughed harshly, humourlessly, "You have no _idea_. You drive me insane!"

" _I_ drive you insane? You're the one with the ridiculous mood swings!" I (apparently) shot back. My mouth had a mind of its own – it had jumped ship and was just doing its own thing, refusing to give me any warning as to what it was going to do.

Again, Edward ignored me. And now he was pacing, his hand back in his hair. I briefly wondered if that habit would make him go prematurely bald.

"And you think I'm a womanizer."

"You are." Me again.

"And an asshole," he continued, "And you're right. You're so fucking right. I was totally okay with being a cocky, selfish son of a bitch. But then _you,_ " He stopped pacing and then pointed at me once more, "You walk into my life and fuck everything up! You fight me and call me asshole…"

He trailed off and walked towards me, and my face was back in his hands, and his words were frantic but his hands were impossibly gentle, and the contrast made my shiver. I suddenly felt like crying under the softness of his gaze. I reached my hands up to thread my fingers through his, holding his hands to my face, hoping to keep them there forever.

"You _see_ me. You make _me_ see me," he murmured quietly. His thumbs moved up and down and softly caressed my cheeks, and my eyes closed automatically.

"How do you do that? I don't know what to do," Edward's voice was thick with emotion, "I don't know how to… I've never…"

The cold air hit my cheeks once more as Edward's hands were ripped from mine, and my eyes shot open to see that he had taken a step back. His fingers were rubbing at his eyes as he shook his head back and forth.

"I don't know what to do," he repeated quietly, and his tortured voice cut through me.

I breathed in quietly and deeply and took a step towards Edward. For once my mind wasn't yelling at me, wasn't overthinking things, and wasn't second-guessing. I knew what I wanted, and even though I was scared shitless – I'd only ever experienced this level of horrifying fear once before – I wasn't going to be a coward anymore. I was going to do something I'd ever done before in my life.

I was going to be brave.

"Edward?" I said quietly.

Edward's hands fell to his sides once more, but he didn't open his eyes. That was good – it would make this easier.

Before I could stop myself, I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled his mouth back down to mine.

 **A/N:** A happy and safe Thanksgiving to my American readers. I'm thankful for everyone who reads, who follows, who favourites, who leaves a review. I'm thankful for all you.


	14. Resourceful

I write about as slowly as George R. R. Martin, but nowhere near as well (Get on those books, Georgey. I want to know about Mrs Snow.)

 **Disclaimer** : **I don't own twilight. But if I did I'd probably write a bunch of fanfiction about it. Just for fun.**

Chapter 13

I'd had a few first kisses in my time. First kisses were supposed to be soft and hesitant. And they were also almost always awkward. Well, at least mine were. It's your opportunity to test your physical compatibility with a person, your chemistry, and because you don't want to risk destroying a potential relationship, first kisses are usually very tentative and set at a slow pace. There wasn't supposed to be any groping or unwarranted tongue action. They were polite and…nice.

This wasn't a normal first kiss.

This time, Edward's lips were frozen under my own. But that didn't last very long. It only took about a half a second before his lips began moving passionately against mine as I breathed him in, one hand cradling the back of my head and tangled in my hair as the other went to the small of my back, pulling me closer, pressing me against him. My own hand grabbed at the nape of his neck while the other remained bunched in the fabric of his shirt.

I could hear my heart beat in my ears as I flicked my tongue against his bottom lip, tasting the saltiness and cinnamon and Edward. He made a small grunting noise and tilted his head, deepening the kiss and parting his lips. His tongue was timid as it quickly brushed against my own before retreating back. I moaned at the taste, but it wasn't enough. I thrust my own tongue into his mouth, trying to get the taste back, and brought my hands to his broad shoulders, pulling him even closer. I felt his hand move to my hip before creeping up, up, up to the just underneath my breast, just running his thumb back and forth and making his way closer to my straining nipple. Another moan escaped me, and I felt Edward's wet tongue caressing my own, far less tentative now.

I was starting to get lightheaded and pulled away from his lips with a gasp, eyes closed as I tried to catch my breath. I gasped again as I felt Edward's mouth at my throat, placing open mouthed kisses on the side of my neck, and then biting down slightly. I whimpered and began to unconsciously rub up against the thigh that was planted between my legs, seeking some sort of friction as one of my hands travelled to the top of his head and began tugging at his soft coppery-bronzy-umber-whatever hair.

"Bella," he breathed against my throat, never letting his mouth leave my skin. I felt a hardness pressing into my belly and I couldn't stop myself from pressing back.

Edward made a strangled noise before placing wet kisses up my throat, along my cheek, and then crushing his lips back to mine and forcing his tongue back into my mouth. As if I would resist.

Edward began gently pushing me backwards, and I stumbled until I felt the cold wood of the cabin against my back. Both his hands suddenly moved to the back of my upper thighs, right below my ass, and lifted me. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and shuddered as I felt his hardness pressing against my right _there_ , where I was aching. For him. I could feel everything through the thin barriers of our pyjama pants, and my head fell back against the wall as the pleasure overtook me, my eyes closing as I began panting in time with Edward's thrusts.

" _Yes,_ " I breathed, tugging harder on Edward's hair and rubbing myself against him. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I let myself feel what I hadn't felt for so long.

But then the thrusting stopped, and Edward's head fell onto my shoulder as he quickly said "Wait, wait, wait, wait."

"What?" I exhaled, trying to catch my breath. I swivelled my hips slightly to get him moving again, but Edward let out a pained groan and stilled my movements with his hand. I felt his hot breath coming quickly on my neck, and I was glad that he seemed to be as affected as I was.

We both took a couple of minutes to calm down and I impatiently waited for him to explain himself.

When he didn't say anything I bitingly asked, "What? Did you come?"

He barked out a sharp laugh. "Shut up," he groaned in amusement, and I felt his lips curl into a quick smile against my neck.

He took a steadying breath before leaning back and looking up at me, his eyes questioning and…nervous?

"We should…take it slow, right?" He asked hesitantly.

I blinked at him, completely lost. "What?" I asked again.

Edward, too, looked unsure, but when he spoke again he was firm, "This. We should take it slow." It wasn't a question this time.

I turned my face to the side, unable to look him in the eyes and still trying to come to terms with what I was feeling.

"This isn't about sex for me, Bella. And…" he broke off, frowning and looking confused.

I opened my mouth to reply but found myself lost for words. Instead of speaking, I sighed and lowered my legs from around his waist. Once my feet were firmly on the ground I dropped my arms from his neck and wrapped them around myself, looking down at my toes, though I couldn't take a step back from him because I was still pressed against the wall. He was too close for me to think clearly. I could still feel his touch burning my skin, though his own hands were now by his sides. He patiently waited for me to speak and made no move to touch me again.

"What's it about, then?" I eventually asked, and I hated how small and scared my voice was.

"Are you really going to make me say it?" Edward asked, and I looked up and saw his brow arched and his lips turned up slightly.

"Say what?" I asked in confusion.

He sighed in mock exasperation and crossed his arms, "Fine, I'll say it, but only if you say it back."

"Say _what_?" I asked in annoyance now. I couldn't understand how he could go so quickly from serious to jesting.

His teasing expression suddenly turned gentle, one arm fell to his side as the other reached out towards me. The back of his hands finally came in contact with my cheek, caressing with impossible reverence.

"I like you, Bella," Edward said softly.

And as fucking cliché and high school as it all was, I couldn't help the quiet sigh that escaped me. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch, my body instantly relaxing.

Then Edward opened his fucking mouth again.

"Now you have to say it back."

My eyes flew open and I glared at his cocky fucking smirk.

"Fuck off," I replied sharply.

His grin widened, "I'll take that as an 'I like you too, Edward.'"

I pushed his arm away from me and scowled at him, "You're so annoying."

"You bring out the worst in me," I was about to retort but he spoke over me, "Anyway, we were having a somewhat important conversation, weren't we?"

That shut me up pretty quickly. My mouth snapped shut and I nodded once, my scowl disappearing in my nervousness.

"So," Edward began, his vibrant eyes fixed on my own, not allowing me to look away, "We've established that we're two adults that like each other. I'm very attracted to you, you're insanely attracted to me."

I kicked him in the calf. He smiled quickly but genuinely in response before the intense expression took over his features once more.

"We work together, which is a complication, yes, but isn't necessarily a deal breaker. Especially because we're both very good at our jobs and wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our careers."

He paused and raised his eyebrows at me, as though looking for my agreement, so I nodded quickly in response.

"So here's what I think," he took a tiny step towards me, his body was so close that my chest grazed against his every time I took a breath, "We take it slow. We get to know each other a little better. You keep talking to me and I'll keep talking to you. Then we'll see how we feel."

I let out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding, "That's it?" I asked breathlessly.

He cocked a brow, "Unless you have any other ideas…"

"You're suggesting that we… _date?_ " I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to stifle a giggle, though I couldn't stop my amused grin from breaking through.

"Isn't that what two adults in our position would usually do?" Edward sounded a little offended that I was mocking his idea, but there was still an undercurrent of hesitance.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, biting my lip to stop myself from laughing at his disgruntled expression, "When was the last time you dated, Edward?"

His grimace deepened in concentration and I chuckled under my breath. What the fuck was going on with my mood?

"I think it was Lisa Mitchell in tenth grade."

I laughed louder then, not even bothering to hide my amusement, and I saw Edward's lips curve up as well, "So you haven't been on a date in, what, 12 years? We're going to be so shit at this." And then I couldn't stop the fit of giggles that overcame me. I slapped a hand to mouth to try and quiet them, but it was in vain as the laughter poured out of me – a purge of joy and happiness after the days and weeks and months of sadness and anxiety. I just felt so…light. Free.

Edward just watched me with his eyebrows raised and a small, amused smile on his lips as I clutched my stomach to soothe the ache my laughter was causing. I tried to ground myself, realise that this was a serious moment and we were having a serious conversation, but every time the laughter would die down, I'd get an image in my head of a 13 year old girl with more dating experience than Edward and I combined and the laughter would come back with a vengeance. Edward's own shoulders began shaking in amusement and soon we were both standing there, in the cold night, in our pyjamas, laughing with each other.

I'd never felt more ridiculous in my life.

Which only made me laugh harder.

Eventually I calmed down, though I couldn't keep myself from beaming at Edward as I wiped a few stray tears from my eyes. His own smile was just as brilliant, and his eyes sparkled in the night, the green so visible even in the darkness.

"We should get some sleep," he said, still with that stupid huge smile on his face.

I nodded in agreement, taking a deep breath of cool air to calm myself even further.

Without hesitation, Edward took my small hand in his large, warm one, and led us back into the cabin. It wasn't far to the girls' room, and I mourned the loss of his warmth as soon as he released me.

I turned to him before opening the door. He was still smiling, and he stepped forward to tuck a stray hair behind my ear, and I felt fire where his fingers touched my skin.

"We'll just…" he whispered, "I don't really know what I'm doing."

"You think I do?" I whispered back.

"I don't really know how I'm supposed to answer that question."

I wanted to shove him into the wall.

His expression softened and he continued to play with my hair, "We'll just do what comes naturally. We'll do whatever we want to do."

I smiled back and nodded, "I like that plan."

000

Most of the squad was already in the dining hall the next morning for breakfast when I finally made my way there. Edward was devouring his too-yellow scrambled eggs, an empty seat next to him. He looked up as I walked in and I gave him a shy smile when his eyes met mine. He returned the smile when he finally swallowed, but then scowled when he saw me taking a seat next to Kate, and – after quickly looking around to see who was looking in his direction – stuck his tongue out. I scrunched my nose at him in response.

We were a pair of fucking three year olds. I loved it.

"All right," Marcus began a few minutes later when James dragged his feet in our direction, "a lot planned today. We have a trainer from the FBI. He'll be taking you through a training course and simulation activity. After lunch you'll be taking a short test," Kate groaned loudly at this, "on protocols and codes. Another training course in the afternoon and a talk on fitness. Short individual meeting with a psychologist, then we'll have dinner and head home after that. I want us to be out of here by 7:30."

"Do we get the day off tomorrow, boss?" Kate asked around a mouthful of bacon.

"You ask that question every year, Detective Hunter," Marcus said as he folding his schedule and reached behind him to retrieve something from his bag, "And for what must be the millionth time: No. I expect you at your desks at ready to work from 9am sharp tomorrow morning."

"You gotta give me credit for persistence. Or a few hours off, at least," Kate grumbled and went back to eating while Marcus just shook his head in amusement.

"What do we gotta speak to the shrink for?" James asked, a hard edge to his voice. Or maybe his voice was always that way. Or maybe I was just biased.

"It's just a quick assessment, James. To make sure you're psychologically stable and equipped for field work."

James' eyes narrowed, though he didn't argue. It made me wonder what he was worried the psychologist might uncover.

The day was a busy one, and so Edward and I didn't spend any time alone together. It was exhausting, and by the time it was my turn to meet with the psychologist I was ready for sleep. It didn't help that I'd gotten very little sleep last night until after the… _talk_ with Edward.

I lazily made my way into the makeshift office. A skinny, older gentleman with completely white hair, Harry Potter-like glasses and a tweed suit stood to greet me. I shook his hand a stifled a groan. This guy had condescension and arrogance oozing from his every pore.

"Detective Swan, my name is Doctor Green. It's a pleasure to meet you," he said, though he didn't make eye contact with me for more than a nano-second – he was too busy openly studying my file.

"You, too," I answered with boredom before turning and taking a seat far away from the man's desk. He pulled his chair out and turned it in my direction so his back was to his desk, and sat down, legs crossed, file sitting in his lap.

"It says here you have a Masters in Forensic Psychology," he stated, still staring at the file in his lap. I wasn't sure if he wanted a response, but when he looked up and quirked a white brow at me I nodded in response.

"So you'll know how these things go," again, a comment, not a question. But I nodded again.

He shut the file, put it behind him, and then clasped his hands on his knee.

"How long have you been with the NYPD?"

"A couple of months," I responded. My voice was weak, so I quietly tried to clear my throat. This man was a shark; he could smell weakness from a mile away.

"And how have you found the adjustment?"

"Difficult at first," I replied honestly, "But my colleagues have been very welcoming."

He half turned in his chair to retrieve a notepad and pen, then turned back to me before jotting down a quick note.

"I understand you hadn't been doing a lot of field work at your last precinct." He spoke with his eyes on his notepad.

"That's correct." I tried to sound confident. I'm pretty sure I failed.

Dr Green raised his cool, grey eyes to mine, "Why is that?"

I took a deep breath. I'd done this a million times in Chicago. I knew how to deal with this. I just had to keep my voice even and detached.

"I'd just suffered a personal loss and decided it would be beneficial to ease my workload."

The Doctor began scribbling furiously in his book without taking his eyes off me. "What happened?"

My eyes narrowed infinitesimally and my voice hardened without my permission, "It was a _personal_ loss."

His expression didn't change, still scrutinising and investigative, though his scribbling did give way to broad, lazy strokes.

"What has changed between then and now?"

"Time, mostly. I've had time to grieve and to process the loss. I've spoken to several psychologists and was cleared twice to be out on the field – once in Chicago and again upon my registration to the NYPD."

He hummed very quietly before continuing, "Tell me about any challenges you've faced since joining the NYPD." And I did a mental fist bump, because I knew the hardest part was over.

On the way back to the precinct Jasper, Edward, and I all sat on the backseat – like the cool kids in high school – with Jasper sitting in the middle. I was fiddling with my phone and pretending to text while also debating whether or not it would be rude to ask Jasper to move so I could sleep on Edward's shoulder again.

"So what did you and the shrink talk about? Neurotransmitters? Your mutual sexual attraction for all things brain shaped?" Edward asked from his side of the seat, throwing a teasing smirk my way.

I rolled my eyes, though the gesture was ruined by the smile on my face, "Of course not. We did our secret psychologist handshake and then sat in silence for thirty minutes, you fool."

Edward smacked his forehead and dramatically exclaimed, "How could I have been so wrong!"

"I expect nothing less from you."

Jasper looked at me suspiciously, and then turned his gaze quickly to Edward, and then brought his narrowed eyes back to me.

"What?" I asked defensively.

Jasper opened his mouth to speak, but then turned to face Edward again, before shaking his head vigorously and facing the front of the bus.

I caught Edward's eye, " _What the fuck?"_ I mouthed.

Edward just shrugged in confusion and then lightly kicked Jasper to get his attention.  
"What was that?" Edward asked.

Jasper just shook his head again, "I just decided that I don't want to know."

I was getting more confused by the second. I was kind of done with being confused. It was very annoying.

"Don't want to know what?" I asked.

Jasper kept his eyes forward and back straight. He looked like a soldier poised for battle. "What ever is happening between you two," he waved a finger back and forth between Edward and myself, "I don't want to know about it. I don't want to know what changed between Friday and today. I don't want to know why you're both flirting more than usual. I don't want know. Continue being flirtatious and I'm just going to sit here and ignore it."

"You're a strange one, Jasper," I said with amusement. I didn't particularly care if Jasper knew about whatever was going on between Edward and I. Hell, _I_ didn't even know what was going on. I wasn't, however, particularly keen on Tanya and Kate knowing.

"Yeah," Edward agreed, leaning back in his seat, looking as relaxed and carefree as ever, "The rookie and I have always been like this."

I leaned past Jasper and flicked Edward on the nose, "We had a deal, asshole," I huffed, leaning back in my seat.

"Sorry Swan," Edward grinned.

"This is too weird," Jasper murmured. He was smiling, though, as he shook his head.

"Better get used to it, man," Edward said as he clapped Jasper on the shoulder, throwing a smile my way.

 _Yeah,_ I thought, smiling back, _Get used to it_. The thought made my heart warm, though it made my brain cringe with its cheesiness.

000

"Morning Angela," I called out as I walked into the precinct at a ridiculous time for a Monday morning.

"Hey," she smiled before glancing over at the clock, "You're here early," she remarked with both brows raised.

"Lots of work to catch up on," I explained with a grimace. Though I loved being a detective, I was beginning to miss the days behind the desk. I almost wished I hadn't passed the psych evaluation.

"Well, it's been a pretty slow night so hopefully you'll get some time to get back on track."

"Hopefully." I walked over to Angela and handed her the coffee I'd picked up from across the street. She gave me a grateful smile in return and gulped greedily at the liquid. I made a habit of speaking to her most mornings to get a general idea of how the coming day would go. "So nothing big last night?"

"Not really," she shuffled through the papers on the desk one handed, "One armed robbery, couple of assaults, but mostly petty theft. There was one missing person's report filed. I'd keep an eye out for that – she's been gone for weeks. She may pop up on your radar soon."

I sighed. "Mind if I take a quick look?"

Angela handed the report over without question before she went back to drinking her coffee. I quickly scanned the report.

 _Subject: Jessica Stanely_

 _Description: Female, Caucasian, 21 years of age, 5' 1", 110 lbs, brown eyes, brown hair_

 _Last seen: 16/11/15_

 _Clothing and/or Jewelry: Unknown_

 _Family: Unknown_

 _Occupation: Student, Queens College_

 _Address: Unit 2B, 15 Warren St, Flushing, NY_

"Who filed the report? There's no contact information for anyone here." I asked, though I was distracted, because _Warren St_ was ringing a bell with me for some reason.

"A neighbour reported it. Said she didn't really care but wasn't sure that anyone would report the girl missing," Angela replied.

I hummed distractedly and placed the report back on Angela's messy pile. _Warren St, Warren St, Warren St…why is that name so familiar?_

I made my way towards the hallway, only half paying attention to what I was doing and saying, "Well, I'm going to go tackle the mountain of reports on my desk now."

Angela groaned in sympathy, "Good luck."

I gave her one last smile before turning away. _Warren St, Warren St, Warren St._ This puzzle was going to bug me until I figured it out.

I heaved a deep sigh and made my way to my desk. I feared the desk was in danger of cracking under the weight of the case reports that sat in a neat but massive pile right in the centre. Had I really done this amount of work back in Chicago? I couldn't imagine it.

 _Maybe because you stayed back late and went in early every day because you had no life_.

Not that I had much of a life now.

I settled into my desk and began making my way through the monotonous paperwork. While I didn't particularly enjoy the mindless work, it was comfortable and familiar and something I knew I was good at. But the monotony meant that I spent most of my time trying to remember why _Warren St_ was significant.

 _Warren St, Warren St, Warren St_ on a loop in my head, like an annoying drumbeat.

The hours dragged but I eventually neared the bottom of my stack as the other detectives in the squad began piling in. Jasper ambled in with a large white box in his hand, reaching into it as he stopped by my desk and pulling out a blueberry muffin, which he placed at the corner of my desk before making his way to the break room. I smiled at his thoughtfulness and stuffed the muffin into my mouth as I typed one-handed.

"Damn, Swan," I heard as the clock was nearing 9 o'clock, "I thought you were more organised that this," Edward said, and I saw him thumbing through the pile of completed reports on my desk.

My hand smacked down on the top of the stack, "I'll have you know that's the completed sta-" I broke off as my eyes made their way up Edward's body.

"What?" Edward asked, confused. But I couldn't answer him; the words were stuck in my throat.

 _"What?"_ Edward asked again, his eyes nervous as he looked down at himself, where my eyes were roaming his figure. Edward wasn't in his normal outfit, which usually consisted of dark jeans and a leather jacket. No, today Edward was in a suit. A fucking _suit._ A modest suit, definitely, but a suit nonetheless. And I was completely unprepared for the sight.

The light grey slacks and matching suit jacket perfectly fit his figure, highlighting his broad shoulders, hinting at the muscles that hid underneath. God, even his thighs looked good. A crisp white shirt and skinny, light blue tie completed the ensemble, and I had to swallow several times to wet my suddenly dry mouth. He looked good. He looked delicious.

"What are you _wearing_?" The words came out a little outraged and scandalized. I needed an ice bucket or something to cool myself down.

Edward reached up to scratch the back of his neck, a scowl on his face and a slight pink on his cheeks. "If you're going to laugh, may as well get it out now," he grumbled.

I didn't laugh. I just swallowed again.

"I've got court this afternoon," he explained after a moment, dropping his hand from his neck to his tie, tugging at it nervously.

I quietly cleared my throat, "Are you worried about it or something?"

He huffed loudly, "No, I just hate wearing suits. I feel like I look like an idiot." He shifted uncomfortably and perched himself on the corner of my desk.

I turned back to my computer, though I could still see Edward from the corner of my eye. "You don't look like an idiot. You look…good." I attempted to keep my tone as lifeless as possible so he wouldn't be able to detect the fire that was burning in the pit of my stomach.

He was silent for a minute as I continued to work through my report.

Okay, I pretended to work through my report. I couldn't focus around Edward.

"Thanks," he finally said, his voice quiet and genuine.

I nodded in response.

"So what are you working on?" His voice was back to normal, light and confident.

"Reports," I sighed, rubbing my eyes, "I've been here for a couple of hours now and I'm still not done."

"Why are there so many?" He asked incredulously, once again reaching for my stack of files before I smacked his hand away.

"Because I have a lot of work. Leave me alone."

"I can't. Briefing."

I peered around Edward and sure enough saw the other detectives making their way to the briefing room. I grimaced as I stood, lightly pushing Edward off my desk and walking past him. He only chuckled in response and followed closely behind me.

I was a little shocked and honestly confused at how _normal_ things seemed between us. No one spared us a second glance as we walked into the briefing room together, Edward taking his regular seat at the back and me sitting in the row in front of him. No one cared that we were joking around and annoying the shit out of each other, because that's what we always did.

I'd expecting this to change. I'd expected awkwardness and shyness and self-consciousness, but there was none of that. There was just Bella and Edward, just like always.

Until the moment in the middle of the briefing when Jasper started talking about some computer stuff I didn't understand when I remembered. I _remembered_.

 _Warren St, Warren St, Warren St_.

The same place Bree lived. In fact, I had a feeling that if I looked at the address again, I'd find that Jessica and Bree had been living in the same building.

000

I tightly gripped my handgun in my right hand and a small torch in my left as I crept through the darkened hallway. The building was far more sinister at night than it was during the day. There were no windows to let in the moonlight or fresh air. The place smelled strongly of cigarette smoke and dust, a marginal step-up from the stench of urine and alcohol that permeated the streets outside.

I made my way quickly down the hallway to the final door on the right. I'd been here before, when I'd come to speak to the landlord. He'd allowed me to have a quick look around, but since I was posing as a friend of Bree's he hadn't let me stick around for long and stood watching me from the doorway the whole time.

Sticking the torch between my teeth and having a final quick glance down the hallway, I pocketed my handgun and took out my lock pick set, quickly getting to work. Charlie had been pissed when he'd found the set in my wallet one day until I told him that Emmett actually bought them for me. Apparently _that's fine._

It took longer than it usually would to get the door open. I was hyper-aware of every sound around me as I kept adjusting the tools, trying to line up the pins, but it finally clicked into place and I was able to silently open the door and slip into the apartment, closing the door behind me.

My gun was back in my hand in an instant and my tools back in my pocket as I palmed the wall next to me, looking for a light switch. When I found it and flicked the switch, I was momentarily blinded by the bright fluorescents overhead, and I quickly blinked to adjust my vision.

The apartment wasn't the same as the last time I'd seen it. It had been a mess time – bowls had been left in the sink in the small kitchenette, a hamper full of clothes sat in the tiny living space, crumbs were on the sofa. But now…now everything had been cleaned and cleared away. There wasn't any crockery sitting out or clothing or dust or dirt or crumbs. Most of the furniture was gone, including the television and couch – just a single, plain black ottoman remained.

Keeping my back to the wall and my gun up in front of me I moved towards the bedroom. Trying to remain as silent as possible, I slowly turned the doorknob and carefully pushed the door open. The light was already on in the room, and standing in the centre of the room was a familiar young woman wielding a revolver and pointing it straight at me.

 **A/N** : I was _very_ nervous about this chapter. I sincerely hope it didn't disappoint.

Also, over 300 people are following this story? That's just insane to me. Thank you to each and every one of you - I adore you all.

Would love to hear your thoughts!


End file.
